Speech by Martin Bogle

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Martin Bogle
Speech Date: 23/04/2010 23:28:35

Ladies and Gentlemen – Welcome to this magnificent wedding. 

What is wedding?  According to the oxford English dictionary wedding is the process of pulling weeds out ones garden.

Let me first say that the bridesmaids look beautiful today, and only rightly outshone by our bride, Andrea. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I'm sure you'll agree that today passes by without much of a ripple, unless of course we're talking about Stevie's belly on the dance floor later tonight.  Just kidding…

Before I go any further I need to apologies to Stevie's mother Anne Marie.  I'll be referring to Steven as Stevie throughout this speech. 

The first time I ever phoned Stevie, his mum, Anne Marie answered the phone, so I put on my most polite voice and said.  “hello can I speak to Stevie please?”  Which the response was, “I think you have the wrong number, no Stevie lives here”.  Mmm “There is a Steven however, do you want to speak to him?”

I'd like to say a big thank you to Derek the grromsman.  He has been a great help over the last few months helping me organize Stevie's costume for the stag/bachelor party, which for those of you who weren't there was a horse.  Also this is the first time Derek has worn a kilt much to the delight of his wife, so great sport there. 

When Derek was getting measure up for his kilt he called up Stevie and asked him, what's the Tartan?  Stevie's response was “she's wearing a dress”

I'd also like to thank Stevie for choosing me to be his best man.  Stevie has a lot of great friends and I'm overwhelmed that I was chosen. 

As you've probably noticed I'm also Scottish, but have a less Americanised accent than Stevie, so many of you may struggle to understand me.  Actually now I think about it, it was probably the reasons I was chosen, so no one would understand this speech. 

I've known Stevie now for 14 years.  We met at Strathclyde university in Glasgow where we studied for 4 years, then travelled for a while and then both started work at JPMorgan on the same day in London 10 years ago.  After several years sharing a flat with him in London I moved to NY, much to my delight Stevie followed a year later. 

I thought he'd moved to the US, so we could hang out again, but there were 2 other reasons he move to the US, shoes and American women.

Firstly shoes.  Stevie's feet are so big he struggles to get a pair of shoe in the UK that fits him, so when he got a chance to move to the land of the free and big shoes he jumped at the chance.

On to the 2^nd reason, Stevie thought the US was filled with gorgeous women who would fall head over heels with him because of his “cute Scottish accent”.

The slight issue was Stevie lost his cute Scottish accent within about a week of moving to NY, so he had to rely on his good looks, charm and wit which meant it he was in real trouble. 

Somehow however he managed to persuade Andrea to go out on a date with him.  After the first date he couldn't stop talking about her, so I knew she must be someone special. 

A few months after meeting Andrea, Stevie did something that I knew it meant he was madly in love with Andrea.  He got off the couch from watching football all day and decided to get fit.  Stevie's idea of getting fit is a little different than most.  He spent a few weeks researching and then went out and bought a nice shinny new bike with all the gear and skin tight shorts.  Much to Stevie's disappointment he didn't realize he had to actually get on it and cycle if he was to get fit.  He's used the bike so little that the cost per mile works out to be $500.  He'd have cheaper with a limo.

As Stevie is my best friend and I've looked out for him over the years I wanted to be sure that Andrea could do an even better job.  Over the time I've known her she has demonstrated that on a number of occasions and my mind is at peace.  One example was when Stevie went to one of Andrea's family's weddings.  After the ceremony everyone got on the bus to get taken to the after party.  On the bus Stevie turned a little green from drinking a too much at the wedding.  He proceeded to fill not one, but 2 plastic cups with his own sick and then got Andrea to hold them both for the rest of the journey. 

If anyone from the Garon family is wondering what type of person is joining their wider family, I have to tell you Stevie is a true gentleman.

He's always been there in my time of need.  One fine example of his gentlemanly behavior was when we were in France at a ski resort out at night and I was tying my shoe lace.  Some fool thought it would be funny to knock me over in the snow. 

They succeeded, but also dislocated my shoulder in the process.  Stevie really looked after me that night.  No ambulance was around, so he managed to get the fire brigade to take me to the emergency room.  He was there when the doc reset my shoulder and made sure I got pain killers.  I'll never forget how such a great friend Stevie was that night.  He was the fool that thought it would be funny to knock me over in the snow…..

Unfortunately I don't have time to cover the more embarrassing stories about Stevie's past like:

–          The time Stevie took the wrong door to the toilet at the Hilton Hotel in London and locked himself out his room wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. 

–          Or when Stevie got a group of us evicted by the angry manager of a restaurant in France after he caused all the other customers to flee.

–          Or his genius ideas to raise money for charity by a sponsored weight gain which was to be achieved by drinking as much Gunnies as possible without going to the toilet

But if you buy me a drink I'll be happy to share every little detail with you later on at the bar…

I'd just like to read out a few cards.  Ace of spades, queen of hearts, then read cards from relatives / friends who couldn't make it.

Before I make the toast I need to answer 2 questions. 

1. The question the guys want to know – ryder cup scores. 
2. The question all the non Scottish ladies are wanting to know, the answer is no, we're not wearing any underwear.

TOAST

I'd like to finish up by again saying what a great honour it's been to be best man today. 

On behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their special day.

So then, Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to new Mr and Mrs Tait

May you live each day like it's your last and each night like it's your first.

Stevie and Andrea