Speech by Martin Caswell
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Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Martin Caswell
Speech Date: Aug2005
Good evening ladies & gentlemen & Barry for those those of you that don't know me my name is martin Caswell & I am Mikes better looking twin!!
I am honoured today to have the responsibility of being Michaels best man and it's been even better than I thought due to passing all the hassle onto Chris!
Now understandably I am very nervous about today's speech so I decided to get some practice in, on Thursday I did an after dinner speech at a new club for cross dressers in Shrewsbury which went well. Yesterday I performed at the Shropshire Haemaroid suffers convention, which was a stand up event!! I may I say it's been a pleasure to see Barry 3 days running!!
I have known Mike for over 15 years now, since we started at the Wakeman School in Shrewsbury. My first memories of Mike are beating him at football in the playground first thing in the morning, in fact I'm right in saying mike never beat our team did he Chris?
I used to only be able to tell him apart from Chris by his shoes, and the fact that it wasn't Chris that used to stand out the headmasters office regularly!!
Unfortunately during 5 years at the same school I wasn't in too many of the same classes as Mike which is probably a dam good Job because whenever we were in the same class we used to get each other into a little bit of bother.
I remember French on many occasions we were caught copying each other's homework well to be honest Mum & Dad Mike was caught copying mine!!.
Another occasion in CDT or to the slightly more mature ones of you Woodwork! the teacher left the class and for some reason Michael began chasing me around the classroom, under and over the desks, as we flew out from under one of the desks the teacher walked back into the room, I can clearly remember the blind panic on our faces but we quickly talked our way out of it somehow!!
Bearing what I have just told you can you believe Mike was Head boy at school, which in all seriousness is a great achievement, but how the hell he managed it I will never know, I think there should have been a recount!
After school we all went onto six form college to do our a-levels, where mike & I shared a Geography class together well that was when we both attended & I think the teacher was very glad that we had a poor attendance record between us because when there together I think she quickly became uptight!
During our a levels we had a field trip to Pembrokeshire & I was unfortunate enough to share a room with both Chris & Mike, but what a laugh we had on that trip apart from being frozen to death, we have even slept in a mini together for a night & no nothing dodgy it was watching the RAC rally which again was a great laugh, we also had some great trips away in Blackpool & anyone that shares a room with mike more than once must be a great mate! In fact having spent several nights with him I do take my hat off to you Karen !!!
Now after reading up on what my best man duties are I discovered I have to look after Mike, make sure he is ok & prepare him for the big day, it's no wonder he needed 2 of us to sort him out!!! I was also shocked to learn that I had to help the groom get dressed ready for his big day, at 28 years old I thought that he was capable of doing that for himself although seeing him some days I do wonder! As his dress sense isn't something you note him for. I was also surprised today whilst dressing him that he isn't actually colour blind!
Another duty is to reassure him & try & stop him getting nervous so wanting to do a good job I took him to one side & said to him ‘ just relax everything will be fine nothing terrible will happen to you it will be the best day of your life I did however say this to him whilst we were on the way to his stag party!!
Meeting Karen was just what he needed as I'm sure we all know he had had a pretty rough time of things & deserved some good luck, which is what he got when he met Karen. She has sorted him out & been a steadying influence on him. They have now got a lovely family with Abby & Ellie who both look beautiful today, & I'm sure you will agree Mike is proving to be a great dad.
Now Karen is pretty easy going, which compliments mikes fiery temperament very well very occasionally Mike can get a little worked up although I am sure hearing that is a big surprise to some of you!! I recall some sort of road rage
however yesterday I saw a different side to her when she took Chris & I to one side & gave us some strict rules for today which included
No getting drunk
Make sure Mike doesn't get drunk
Make sure Mike doesn't flirt with any of the waitresses
No eating with your fingers
No picking your nose
No burping
No mention of Mikes little problem in your speech
No swearing
Make sure Mike doesn't strip on the dance floor he is not in the buttermarket
And again don't mention Mikes little problem in your speech
But apart from that just relax & enjoy yourselves
In all seriousness Michael is truly a great friend he has been there to help me out on many occasions & I'm sure he knows that I am always there if he needs my help. I am sure that we will be friends for the rest of our lives & I feel truly lucky to have such a good friendship with a great bloke, he is certainly a great mate, Husband, brother & son and Father.
Finally I have some telegrams to read out, firstly one from Mike & Karen's neighbours in Westbury Road – sorry we couldn't make it to your specially day, but we weren't invited!
Sorry it didn't work out between us Karen it's a really big regret of mine – Brad Pitt
Sorry it didn't work out between us Mike hope you have a great day – Michael Barrymore!!
Ladies & Gentlemen would you please be upstanding for the bride & groom & raise your glasses in a toast ‘ wishing Michael & Karen all the very best for the future, the bride & groom’
