Speech by Martin Green

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Martin Green
Speech Date: oct 2003
The Marriage of Katie and Jon : 22nd July, 2000

Ladies, Gentlemen and Friends

This is the second time today that I've risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.

My first duty today is to thank the Bridesmaids, and the page boys, for their outstanding contribution to the proceedings.
I'm sure you'll agree that they all look wonderful and are a fine compliment to our Bride.

As for the Bride, well the only word I can use to describe her today is “stunning”.
The Groom just looks stunned, but the Bride looks absolutely stunning.

I congratulate Jon on his impeccable choice of wife, who I'm very pleased to welcome into my extended family.

As I said to Jon, you'll look back on today as the happiest day of your life ……
This is yesterday I said this.

So what was Jon like before he met Katie .…
Well some might say Very Loud, Drank too much, Never had any money ..…
So no changes there then.

So here we are at the marriage of Jon and Katie, and I thought it would be worthwhile looking at the events that have brought us all together today.

Jon and Katie have known each other for (Pause and look at watch), some time now, but where did they meet.

Well those who know Jon won't be surprised to hear that it all started on a day out Jet Ski-ing.

Jon was there in his skin tight wet suit, which he'll be modelling at the bar later this evening.

Katie jumped into the car, and then Jon spoke the first words that would cement the path to a lifetime together ..…
“So what do you do when you're not modelling ?”

Shortly afterwards romance blossomed and at my Mum's 60th birthday party Jon asked Katie out on a date, and the journey towards this momentous occasion was set in motion.

I remember when Jon proposed and sealed his love for Katie with an engagement ring.
When I saw it for the first time I said to Jon, “Well that will forever be a token of your love, that will last a lifetime!
I said “Do you know a diamond is the hardest thing on earth ?”
and he said “No paying for a diamond is the hardest thing on earth”.

And so the couple embarked on their engagement and Katie soon began to realise that there are two loves in Jon's life, besides her and Jet Ski-ing, and I'd like to tell a story that illustrates this.

Jon and Katie have enjoyed many outings together.… they've been to night-clubs and restaurants and last year they went to the zoo for a day

They wandered around until they came to the camel enclosure.

Katie went up to the fence to watch the Camels and suddenly realised that Jon was lagging about 20 yards behind.

Katie shouted to Jon, “What's the matter ..… What's wrong ?”
Jon replied “No I'm alright, I'll just stay here”

And Katie said “Look, what are you afraid of ? They won't bite”

And Jon replied “Look, I just don't trust camels, I really don't trust those things”

So Katie said “Well why ? What do you mean” and Jon said …
“They can go a week without a drink those things”

Well from there they moved onto the crocodile enclosure, and they stood at the fence watching the crocodiles for a while, then completely without warning, Jon climbed over the fence, and he walked across the lake using the crocodiles backs as stepping stones, all the way to the other side.

Well as you can imagine Katie was absolutely flabbergasted and shouted “What are you doing, and, how did you do that”

Jon didn't say a word.
He just turned round and unbuttoned his jacket to reveal his T-Shirt underneath and it said… “Tottenham Hotspur for the Premiership title”

Katie said “I don't understand” and Jon said….”Well not even a crocodile would swallow that”

I'd like to take a moment now to thank Jon for being the best cousin a boy could ask for, and for choosing me as his best man

Jon and I have grown up together and Jon's been like a brother to me over the years gone by.

Ever since the days of playing on the slide in my back garden, Jon, or Jip as he's known to some, has always been my right hand man.

I've roped him into many a money making scheme, from washing cars to delivering free newspapers in all sorts of weather.

We've also been on holiday together several times, and I have some great memories from the years we've spent growing up.

I could tell you all about the time when Jon tripped over outside our apartment in Tenerife one year, and fell down a steep hill head first, whilst only wearing a pair of pants .… Or the time that we took turns to push Jon's hired moped up a hill because he'd run out of petrol, only to discover about twenty minutes later, that he'd actually activated the anti theft fuel cut off switch and forgotten about it, but I won't.

I would like to say however how proud I am of Jon for moving back to Essex and accepting the title of “White Van Man” so graciously

I'd also like to thank Colin and Sandra, who've made this a very special day for our Bride and Groom, and I thank them for their time, effort ..… and money, making this a day we will all remember

I'd now like to take some time to read out some of the cards and messages sent today ..…

To conclude, I'd like to wish both Jon and Katie, or Mr. And Mrs, Britton as they're now known, my warmest congratulations and my very best wishes for a healthy and happy future together.

So finally I'd like you all to charge your glasses and join me in a toast to the Bride and Groom.

Thank you.