Speech by Martyn White

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Martyn White
Speech Date: Nov 2001
On behalf of the lovely Maid-Of-Honour, Alex, I would like to thank you for that toast, Peter.

Ladies and Gentlemen
As you know, it is customary at this point for the Best Man to slaughter the Groom for your listening pleasure…….well, to reflect the equal status of women in the modern world, I thought I'd break with tradition and talk instead about the bride!! drop-down list, and look at Bride Just kidding! You'll be relieved to hear, Claire, that I will go with the flow, and tell you a little bit about the bloke you have saddled yourself with! Although firstly, I'd just better just explain what Claire was mumbling as she walked up the aisle. She was telling me at the rehearsal last night that she was a bit nervous, so I told her to concentrate on the three things that matter at a wedding. They are of course, the aisle that you walk up to meet your intended, the altar you stand in front of to say your vows, and the hymns you sing to celebrate your union. So if anyone heard her saying Aisle, Altar, Hymn, Aisle, Altar, Hymn, over and over during the service, I assure you it was all quite innocent!

You may be asking yourselves what Claire sees in Peter, I know I do. But don't be put off by what you see here, he really does have some good qualities as well. In fact he's proved himself a bit of an Action Man over the years. We can see the eagle eyes, and the realistic beard, well, sort of beard but watch out for the gripping hands, Claire! He has had a go at lots of activities over the years, most of them quite legal! As well as having been in the Navy, and now in glamorous Formula 1, he's run the odd half-marathon, been parachuting, scuba diving, mountain biking, skateboarding, sea fishing, motorcycling, and I could go on but I don't want to feed his ego too much!

Unfortunately, all of this activity often seems to result in him doing himself harm! Peter has managed to have more than his fair share of scrapes and injuries. And I'd like to share just a small sample of them with you.

He's broken his wrist Skateboarding. Twice wasn't it Peter? He was knocked off his motorbike when a car pulled out in front of him and he's crashed his car, including driving over the middle of a roundabout! I remember back when we were at secondary school, and Peter was in the year below me. I think he was playing a little game of tag. We've all played tag at sometime or other, and most people would struggle to do themselves an injury playing a simple game of tag. Well while playing tag, Peter managed to run into a brick wall. A skill not everyone is capable of, but our hero managed it. Amazingly, the only injury he suffered was snapping off one of his front teeth. He didn't even cut his lip yet somehow snapped a tooth clean in half! You broke another tooth playing deck hockey in the Navy, too, didn't you?

A few years ago Peter went out mountain biking with Joy and I. We were having a lovely time cycling in the woods near Faringdon, up and down nice little hills, when Peter spied a very steep little hill. "I'm going to ride down that", he announced. I was a bit skeptical of his chances of making it down in one piece, and lets face it, with his track record, who wouldn't be, so I asked him to wait while I got my camera out. Sure enough, when he got to the bottom of the little hill, straight over the handlebars he went. He was writhing in pain on the ground, with his feet still stuck in his toe clips. I, of course, being the caring friend that I am, was busy taking photos of him! Eventually I realized that he might actually be seriously hurt. Blood was pouring out of a cut from his head, which was a worry, and when we finally got him to hospital, it turned out he'd broken his collarbone!

Perhaps most tragically of all, he once spent six days in hospital…in the premature ejaculation unit ….apparently it was touch and go at one stage!

But seriously, he is a lovely bloke, and I say that as someone who has known him most of my life, and all of his. I have been a best man three times now, and it is an honour every time but today is really special, as Peter is more than just a cousin to me. I only have four cousins, and the other three are women. Added to that, there is less than a year between us, and we grew up in the same village, so he is more like a little brother to me, so thanks for making me your best man, Peter. Are you absolutely sure everyone else refused?

It is also very special for me is to see these two tie the knot, as I have seen their relationship grow from the very start, as I was there when they first met. Peter and I met Claire before an Echo & The Bunnymen concert in 1999, when we met up with a big bunch of fans. Believe it or not but it was on April 1st! We continued to meet Claire at subsequent Bunnymen concerts and eventually they started seeing each other in between the concerts as well! And now here they are married, with the lovely Jude. As they sort of met through the Bunnymen, I contacted the band to tell them their story, and they have kindly signed these lyrics to a song from their latest album pass over framed signed lyrics to bride and Groom>. I won't read out the lyrics but they are very romantic, and fitting for a wedding day.

So I'd just like to say Peter, you are a lucky man marrying Claire today. She deserves a good man… so thank goodness you married her before she found one. Actually, one thing that might worry you, Peter, is the colour of Claire's dress. I thought brides wore white so that they matched the other kitchen appliances.

But seriously, Claire is a lovely girl, and I wish you both all the happiness in the world, so I ask you all to join me and raise your glasses in a toast to Peter and Claire, The Bride and Groom!