Speech by Matt G

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Matt G
Speech Date: 21/08/2012 22:21:23

Right I want to say I am not a public speaker, I have spent hours online “how to concur your fears” I found something saying imagine your audience naked. Rich can you cross your legs please!

Honestly please………………….

I'd like to say what a wonderful job the bridesmaids have done today and how fantastic they all look. 

They are of course only outshone by Emma, who I think you'll all agree looks absolutely stunning.

I would also like to thank the ushers, for at least turning up (cough) Matt.  Good job boys, I'm sure everyone here would have all struggled to find their seats, without the help of the three of you!

For you who don't know me my name is Matt (Stuarts Best man) please feel free to buy me a drink after this…

When Stuart asked me to be his best man I said yes and then immediately started to worry about the speech……so……I looked on the internet for ideas…….with the world at my fingertips I began GOOGLING away……..after a couple of hours I found some REALLY good stuff…Mr Gray has nothing on me now………..but then I remembered that I was supposed to be looking for BEST MAN TIPS….and had to delete the history off the computer before my missus saw!!

Now as best man I have but a few duties today. My primary goal was to get Stuart here:

– ON TIME

– SOBER…and…

– LOOKING GOOD

Well two out of three ain't bad…I'm the best man not a plastic surgeon!

I've known Stuart from primary school, about 20 years, where he was a proper ginger kid with none of this bleaching to cover it up. I'd never have guessed that from that day to now I would be stood here giving this speech for him.

We once had a fight which to this day I say I won, Stuart thinks he won because I had tears but he actually poked me in the eyes. (I wasn't crying).

Then at secondary school we use to go to under 18’s nights at LA's were the challenge was…………… who could snog the most girls and……….actually not the right time for this story.

We once made our own drink and called it Elephant Juice (Sunny d, after shock and vodka) all I can say is I'm glad Stu has better taste in women than he does In mixing drinks.

Through the years he has been a caring friend, someone who leaves you stranded in a cities like Leeds, Nottingham and here in Hull because he is tired and wants his bed.

A friend you can trust, like in Magaluf when he helped wake me up while I was on the beach by chucking me in the sea (no armbands or life guards present)

A Friend like HSBC he will lend me money for strippers

I no I'm not suppose to say to talk about the stag do but i have finally found Stuarts secret to drinking as much as he does.… be sick outside every pub then carry on!

There are loads of story's I could talk about but i have been told not to talk about ex's, prostitutes, drunk driving then almost hitting a police car and his blow up mattress with the unexplained stains which i slept on when i stayed over (we were all teenagers once)….… One is a lie I'll let you guess.

6 years ago we were on the way back from Old Trafford when a very drunk and over excited Stu told me that “the fuller had been texting him and wanted to meet up with him, I don't think he actually made it that night because he was sooooo drunk but this was the beginning of what has turned out to be a real love story.

And now finally some words of advice:

Firstly, Emma, can you put your hand on the table. Stuart can you place your hand on top on hers. Stu, now that you are married this will be the last time that you will have the upper hand.

Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions.

Before I offer a toast to Stuart and Emma, I'd like to leave you with one thought: You don't marry someone you can live with – you marry someone you can't live without. In this case, these two really have married the right person.

To the bride and groom.