Speech by Matt Kyle

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Matt Kyle
Speech Date: 09/04/2014 20:41:42

Ladies &Gentlemen!

As I'm sure you have all guessed by now, I'm Matt, Michael's big brother and the Best Man. What many of you probably won't know is that I'm supposedly a trained public speaker, so I sincerely hope I make a good job of this speech.  In researching the Best Man's speech for today, I found out that it is a tradition for the Best Man to attempt to demolish the character of the Groom and as it's my little bro's wedding… I see no reason to change that tradition!

 Firstly, I would like, on behalf of the Bridesmaids to thank the groom for his kind words for them in his speech and for the gifts they have received?  I'd also like to thank the Bridesmaids themselves for ensuring that Danielle got to the venue on time – I hope she didn't put up too much of a struggle!

 I'd also like to thank all the guests for turning up today, especially those who have had to travel from far and wide to be here, it truly amazes me what people will do for a free meal and a few drinks!

 One of the main things that the Best Man needs to do during his speech is to inform the Bride about what kind of man she has just married, but then considering Michael & Danielle were together for 9 years before even getting engaged, well, if the Kyle end of this deal hasn't frightened her off by now, I don't think we ever will!  So in preparation for today, I sent a few emails out to various people Michael has known over the years and this is what people had to say about him….

 I'm told by Michael's housemates from the year after his year in industry that Michael is an adventurous cook, and the night before a football match Michael and housemate Mark were cooking a chilli dinner when Michael produced a bottle of world record hot ‘Mad dog 357′ chilli sauce which he tipped into the sauce mix.  Now, Michael, Mark and James enjoy a high level of spice in their food whilst Sam and Rossi don't, and when the latter tried the sauce, Rossi's reaction was and I quote ‘Sod that – I'm off to the chippy!”.  Sam, however managed to eat enough to keep his stomach satisfied until breakfast.  Only one person managed to clear his plate that night – Michael!  However, the next morning at the football match, Michael regretted putting so much chilli in the sauce because barely 10 minutes of the 1st half had passed when Michael had to ask the referee to be excused so he could go and urgently find a toilet!!

Carrying on the sporty theme for a moment, from Holcombe and Edgebaston Hockey Clubs, both club spokespersons said that Michael is a real team player.  He always tries to help his team out wherever he can on the pitch, but sadly, he is useless in certain positions.  Yet even from there, he has occasionally been known to score.  To which I can only add, Danielle, I really hope tonight is your night!!

 Michael's colleagues from the chemistry lab at Birmingham University also replied and said that Michael and Danielle seem to have a great chemistry about them, full of fizz and even the occasional loud bang! 

 They also wondered when Michael might be tempted to try his hand at human biology!?  And they also wanted me to wish them both all the best in the future.

 Michael is a real science nut, but as his brother, I'm rather relieved that he never went in to physics:

When I was about 15 and Michael about 3, our Dad went out on business to America, and he brought back what was then a very rare concept model of a Stealth Fighter which I had spent MONTHS constructing and had just finished putting on the transfer badges when Mum called us all for Sunday lunch.   A while later, everyone suddenly realised Michael had disappeared from the table!  At that moment there was an ominous crash from somewhere at the other end of the house.  Now fortunately, our Dad got to my bedroom before I did, because had I got there first, Michael would never have seen his 4th Birthday!  He was standing in the middle of my bedroom surrounded by the shattered pieces of my carefully constructed model Stealth Fighter.  When asked what the hell just happened, a sheepish looking Michael replied “I wanted to see if it could fly!”… clearly physics was never going to be his forte!

Finally, as our parents are unable to be here, I would like to impart a few words of advice to our happy couple: 

Firstly, marriage is about give and take:  The husband gives and the wife takes.

Secondly, Michael, no matter how high up the career ladder you go and no matter how many times you change your career, from now on, you only have one boss!

No seriously, marriage is not about someone you can live with, but much more about someone you can't live without, so cherish the good times, communicate in times of difficulty and remember that there are far more important things in life than money.

 Michael & Danielle it has truly been an honour and privilege to be your Best Man today.  Michael, you have married someone who is genuinely loving, caring and highly intelligent, and Danielle.… Well, you got Michael!

In closing this speech, can I please ask you all to charge your glasses.

 Be upstanding.

 And drink with me a toast:  “Michael & Danielle – a long and happy life together!”