Speech by Matt Mitchell

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Matt Mitchell
Speech Date: sep 2003
Ladies and Gentlemen,

Before I start, if there is anyone here this evening who feels slightly nervous and a bit apprehensive, it's probably because you've just married Bryan Scott!

Well, good evening to you all. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Matt, and I'm Bryan's Best Man for the day.

Now as some of you know, this wedding has been carefully planned with military precision, but my formal request for an autocue has been declined. I will therefore be consulting my notes as I go, so please bare with me.

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This is actually the first wedding I have ever been to, so those of you with a past history of these occasions may find my speech is slightly unorthodox but at the same time totally original.

When first asked to be the Best Man, I compared it to making love to the Queen, a great honour but nobody really wants to do it. Though whatever happens I'll definitely have a great story to tell the next morning.

As I scan the room I can see some unfamiliar faces and I know that many of you have travelled some distance to be here today, including myself. This is proof and it always amazes me how far some of us will go for a free meal and a few beers. Sad, but very true.

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Well, he actually did it … Bryan Scott… A married man! I first met Bryan here, when I moved from this great City of Plymouth to a quaint little place near Torpoint known as Mudcity roughly 16 years ago.

I soon realised that we both had an awful lot in common, apart from just food, and as I remember it, our friendship started whilst sharing a pasty, in the local bus shelter one rainy day!

We soon became great friends and have shared, in addition to the pasty some of the best experiences of lives. And today is another and a great honour for me and I am very proud of my friend.

I met MY fiancée, Miranda, almost 4 years ago and popped the question of marriage shortly afterwards.

Bryan was guest of honour for our engagement party and took no time at all getting in to party mode.

I don't want to embarrass him too much, even though this would be the best time and place to do so, but those of you present today who were also at the engagement party would recall a rather large silhouette cart-wheeling and back-flipping across the buffet table, the night then turned into Bryan's very own Cabaret show where he gave an impressive display of both animal noises and impressions.

To try and paint the perfect picture of the scene it would have to be a cross between The Blues Brothers and Ace Ventura Pet Detective. You can all rest assured I have no intentions of following or beating Bry's act here to night.

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Bry has somewhat calmed down since then and it wasn't until we visited him at Butlin's in February 2001 and met Sharon for the first time I realised he was completely wrapped up in something new and was quite simply in love.

When, and if my time ever comes, I will have no doubt in my mind who to ask to be my best man, as Bryan has always been there for me and a true friend is definitely needed by your side at times like this.

Sometimes we may live tens, hundreds and lately thousands of miles away but true friendship will always prevail. And a true friend is only ever a phone call or an E-mail away!

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So here I am…

You've probably gathered by now that I'm pretty used to hearing the sound of my own voice as I never shut up or let anyone else speak, those of you that know me will agree and would have told me to “Knock it on the head” many a time.

So I apologise to those of you who are new to my drone and thank the rest of you for so far keeping shtum… Thank you!

Whilst on the note of thank you's, I would like to pause and take this opportunity to thank every one who has made this happen today. A truly memorable occasion in fine style.

So I'll now ask for your support and appreciation by please putting your hands together for…

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To the bridesmaids and pageboys… (Who all look delightful today.) I'm sure you'll all agree.

To Gavin the Usher… Who too looks very fetching, but may I add, not as fetching as he looked earlier when I caught a glimpse of him wearing a leather all in one outfit with zips on it! I'm not sure what all that was about but when I get it out of him later after a few drinks I'll be sure to let you all know…

Sorry Gav but your secrete is out! I'm not sure how long you thought you could get away with this kind of behaviour, but please, not here, not today!

Also, I feel thanks should go to the staff here at the Astor Hotel for putting on a class display and for working hard to get all the preparation and finishing touches ready for the evening ahead.

And lets not forget the parents and families of both bride and groom, who I know have spent an awful lot, <PAUSE> Sorry… Who have spent an awful lot of time and effort, making this day as special as they can. It's been hard for me not to spill the beans on a couple of surprises I knew were in stall today. But I managed it and am glad that it all came together in the end just as intended.

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Joking apart… I am truly delighted to be here, especially as such an important role not just to the day but to the foundations of both Sharon and Bryan's future together.

My job as Best Man has included three primary tasks.

Firstly it was my job to help arrange and manage the Stag Do, which I will talk about later at the bar for a small fee. When I was first informed the stag would be held the night before the wedding I thought it was a sick joke, but if anyone's going to go through with a joke it's Bryan.

The second was to ensure that Bryan was here today. Which as you can see I succeeded in.

And finally my third task is to embark upon the characteristics of the Groom, that all weddings traditionally, and rightly demand.

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So I will be quick as there is quite a lot to say about someone who is obviously and literately larger than life. Instead of going on about when and where Bryan was born and raised and how poor he was at football as a child etc… I thought I'd sum it all up in a nutshell by reeling off a few adjectives which make Bryan who he is today.

Bryan is, in alphabetical order… Adorable, articulate, big, bold, calm, caring, a comic, considerate, courteous, daring, dynamic, energetic, fat, foolish, funny, fun loving, generous, hectic, have it, intense, a joker, kind, large, liked, lovable, loud, mad, naughty, nicely does my son, outrageous, podgy, quiet, respectful, sarcastic, sensitive, Trevor Jordash, understanding, versatile, waster, xenophobic, young, and zany.

I'm sure those of you who know Bry as well as I do will agree on that!

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And those of you that know Bryan and Sharon whilst they have been an item will also agree that we are looking at a couple who are madly in love and look perfect together.

So I thank you all for you patience, and it now gives me great pleasure not to mention relief to invite you all to please stand and raise your glasses.

Has everyone got a drink?

May you both live for as long as you like, and have all that you like for as long as you live.

And I hope that your love will be modern enough to survive, and old fashioned enough to last forever.

—– To Sharon and Bryan ….… the Bride and Groom —–.

Thank you.…