Speech by Matt Moffat

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Matt Moffat
Speech Date: jun 2003

Good afternoon, its splendid to see you all here today / as you may know I am the best man. You should also know I'm English and about as tactful as a hungry sumo wrestler in a cake shop.

It's my experience that the best man's job consists of two tasks:
The “First Task” is to look after the Groom in the days preceeding the wedding
If the “First Task”: is completed successfully the best man is rewarded with a “Second Task”:
5 minutes in which to assassinate the groom's character / and reveal some of the embarrassing things the groom has managed to get away with in his bachelor years.

As you can see my first task went wonderfully, Dave is here, he's reasonably sober and pretty much intact without any worrying rashes.

And so I come to my “Second Task”: assassination time.
Well I say assassination time but David actually hasn't got too many secrets. He ‘s a pretty perfect guy / or so I thought… It certainly came as a surprise to me he has pierced nipples…..… and likes to wear a cowboy hat in bed…(put on hat)…… but hey it's 2003 and these things are no longer a big deal. (take off hat)… I won't mention David's teenage grocery store antics and particularly his affection for misuse of peanut butter.
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This is actually my second time as best man / I think I'm getting the hang of it…
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Now lets move on to the history of David and Kayo:

The official romantic story is that they met on a date at an ACCJ event. This was their first proper date – They actually met previously in a bar called Prop, some of you know it.
Kayo, Rie and Noriko were absolutely not out hunting for guys – they were just having a quiet drink together.
Kayo was sitting on stool looking, as always, extremely pretty and David was looking, as always, for some action, sorry I mean extremely dashing: he asked her to dance and the rest is history.

As you will see David is a pretty good dancer and holds several trophies for ballroom dancing. You should also know he tried ballet classes but the tutu didn't go with that cowboy hat.

David proposed to Kayo whilst on a trip to the US. He'd been thinking about it for sometime but hadn't summoned the courage to ask Kayo to marry him..… Fortunately he had a little operation in Los Angeles and as the morphine kicked in he asked Kayo to marry him… just before he passed out.
When he woke up it was into Kayos eyes he looked / and he knew this was the girl he'd spent the rest of his life with. (wipe tear from eye)

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Enough nostalgia.… back to the assassination.

David is the most enthusiastic person I have ever met. Unfortunately this enthusiasm knows no boundaries, and he will become fascinated with the smallest things. Never bored, his knowledge of bath brushes and toilet brushes is unparalleled in the developed world / just last weekend he spent 20 minutes trying to convince me to go to Odaiba especially to look at a Toilet Brush called, no joke, “the Excalibur”. Whatever that is.

Did I mention this is my best friend.… (Put hat on)

Davids incredible appetite for life means he tries to pack as much into every waking moment as he can. He talks a great golf score in the bar with Rich and the boys and always promises to go golfing/ but in 5 years has only turned up for the back nine once, too hungover to see the pin. (Take hat off)

The gentleman's evening or bachelor party the other night was a great success. We had some great guests. I know David wants to tell you the details himself so please ask him when you have the chance.

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Actually it really is an honour to be David's best man because to me David is one of the best men I know. He is truly a quality individual. He's the most loyal, greatest friend I have and is like a brother to me.

When he told me he was thinking about asking Kayo to marry him he told me about her. David and Kayo have the same core values / they are the nicest, most perfectly suited couple. Kayo is wonderful, she is loving, intelligent, a marvelous hostess and a great kisser. Apparently.

I wish them all the happiness in the world.

Ladies and Gentlemen would you now do me the honour of standing……..…
………and raising your glasses to the adorable couple; Mr and Mrs Clement.

CAMPAI.

Matt Moffat
Best Man Speech V1.0
24 May 2003