Speech by Matt Ruston

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Matt Ruston
Speech Date: oct 2004
Thank you (brides name),

Ladies and gentlemen,

firstly May I start by thanking (grooms name),

on behalf of the bridesmaids,

for his kind words which are truly justified.

I would like to add how lovely you all look today.

For those of you who don't know me I am the best man

and my name is Matt, Matt “what r u drinking” to be precise.

So if you see me in the bar later feel free to say hello.

I'd like to begin by thanking (grooms name) for asking me to be best man. I would

also like to thank (brides name) for allowing (grooms name) to ask me.

(brides name) it is without doubt that you make a fine bride and look beautiful and radiant.

I couldn't help but notice (grooms name) swell with pride when he saw

you walking down the aisle.

(grooms name), you are indeed a lucky man, you have married (brides name) today and she is

attractive, warm, loving and caring.

A wife who will be all you could ever wish for and more.

(brides name), you have married (grooms name) who is…

Handsome

Witty

Intelligent

Charming

Good Looking

Ffff…ffff…

Sorry (grooms name), I can't read your writing

Now before I go on to completely slander (grooms name)’s character as is traditional,

I'd just like to mention how grateful I was

to be leant a book with a chapter

entitled ‘The Best Man Checklist’.

I must confess I was mystified by some of the things I was expected to do:

"Bring a chequebook or credit card for payments that the groom may have forgotten" –

which knowing (grooms name) will be all of them.

"Help the groom dress" – thanks, but no…if he hasn't learned by now…

"Ensure that his face and hair are ‘in order’ ..… (Not easy);

and

“that he has nothing's between his teeth (or is that his ears??);

"See that angry ex-girlfriends are kept at bay" – I think they will be far from angry, probably out celebrating…

"Bring a zip-up bag with the following items for emergencies:

aspirin, antacid,

deodorant, valium ————– ((grooms name) and I finished these earlier)

toothpaste,

and

a big black magic marker pen".

Not sure what this is for but if anyone knows, let me know later.…

There was also a section on “The key to finding a best man”,

here it speaks of someone who is

resourceful, energetic and diplomatic.

One who will not offend or create problems.

As you can see (grooms name) is an appalling judge of character.

Which brings me nicely to the point where I can demolish his character..…

(grooms name) and I go back some 18 years,

sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I DIDN'T have him as a friend

Sometimes the smile lasts for days.

(grooms name) was born 28th Jan 1975, this was the year when

BETAMAX and VHS released the Video

and Jaws was nominated as best picture in the in the academy awards

In his early years there was definite evidence of his interest in money.

His grandma used to give both him and (grooms sister's name) £1 per week pocket money and (grooms name) would then manage to convince (grooms sister's name) that 2 shiny 10 pence pieces were much nicer than a £1 note,

I've calculated this in today's money

and (grooms name) you owe (grooms sister's name) £218 quid.

Another interest of (grooms name)’s from an early age was his love of Teddy bears. His first teddy was known as “Blue teddy” and (grooms name) would take him everywhere.

There came a point when blue Teddy bit the dust and was replaced

by a new improved teddy called Stamford.

(grooms name) would sleep with Stamford every night

continuing this ritual right up until the point

he met (brides name) as she well knows.

I do believe that (grooms name) actually sent Stamford to (brides name) at university

to keep her company when he could not be around.

(grooms name)’s school years map out as follows…

At play school (grooms name) wasn't well liked. He was seen as being different

from the other kids,

mainly because they were 4

and he was 8.

When I met (grooms name) at secondary school he was showing his entrepreneurial skills. . . . . . .

He convinced me to help him set up a business printing cheap copies of letra sets for a fraction of the price that WHSmiths were charging.

Unfortunately people actually expected them to work so the business didn't last long.

His next venture was DJ'ing which I must say despite his somewhat dodgy taste in music was quite successful.

As well as earning him money this opened up a whole new world,

a world that now included girls.

Still trying to develop the perfect image (grooms name) grew his hair long

and started to attend

the pink toothbrush night club in Raleigh.

It was here that he acquired the nick name “hippy” derived

from his long hippy like hair

and his

uncoordinated gyrating……..… pelvic dance movements

which I'm sure you'll get to see later.

After school (grooms name) briefly attended six form college soon to discover that he was not cut out for the subjects on offer.

After 1 year he left to begin an electricians course in Chelmsford.

Here began (grooms name)’s fascination with lighting.

(grooms name), not to question your qualifications but seeing you fuse the lights at the Church rehersal on Tuesday, I do have my doubts.

Sometime later on a boys weekend away I learnt that besides his immediate appearance

(grooms name) is actually quite a clean person.

It was 1998 and a (grooms name) and myself with a bunch of the lads were on our way to spend new years eve in Leeds.

We left a night early and arranged to stay in a friends student flat in Nottingham above a Kebab Shop.

Most of us ..… were …..or ……had been students

and didn't see any problem with the place.

In contrast, (grooms name) absolutely hated it. He hated it so much that he refused to go to the toilet there… Instead he would walk 10minutes down the road

to House of Fraser.

The next day (grooms name) couldn't wait to leave.

He was first up,

went and collected the Van and packed all the bags.

With this we were soon on our way to Leeds.

I'll never forget (grooms name)’s face when we arrived and unloaded the Van.

The only bag he hadn't packed was his.
From then till now

I've seen (grooms name) and (brides name) in both their good times and bad

but most importantly I've seen their relationship build to what brings us all here today.

Now before I make a FINAL toast I just have a few messages to read out…………

but as Henry the eighth said to each of his wife's, I won't keep you long.

(read cards etc.)

This one is addressed to My Dearest (grooms name) :

I miss your strong arms, your tender loving ways, the way you whisper sweet nothings in my ear.—I realise I am a loser in love, but I will never forget those wonderful evenings we spent together by the pool.

Love forever;——–Michael Barrymore.—

From the Santa Catalina Hotel, Almalfi Coast, Italy

Congratulations to you both on this day. We very much look forward to making your honeymoon a special and memorable one. Please do not worry if there is some delay when you arrive. We are putting something on for you…..the roof.

And now Finally.…

Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to invite you to stand and raise

your glasses in a toast to (grooms name) and (brides name), the new Mr and Mrs (groom's surname).

We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy and fruitful marriage.

I give you

A

final toast to “The Bride and Groom”