Speech by Matthew Berryman

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Matthew Berryman
Speech Date: Apr 2002
Ladies and Gentlemen
Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids and pageboy, Charlotte,
Christine, and Max, I would like to thank Howard for his kind words.

Whilst preparing for this speech I was advised that it should last about as long as it takes me to make love…..…
well thank you very much for coming
( sit down).

Before I continue my name is Matthew and I have known Howard since 1986 when we met at college. More on that later.

I am also proud to say that I am godfather to Charlotte, although looking at the plaster I don't seem to be doing a very good job.

This, coupled with my “penguin – with – dodgy – hair – style – look” meant I was equally surprised yet delighted to have been invited to take on this role today.

For those who have traveled from England I think it is probably fair to say that you already know Howard well and I doubt if I can recount any stories that will either shock or surprise you.
I have a rare opportunity because I can assume that Howard's past has not yet crossed the Atlantic and any stories that have will probably have had the Jen censorship treatment.

Howard Robert Day was born on the 15th November 1968.
This was, by coincidence, the same day that Planet of the Apes was first released, and in the same month that other great story teller Richard Nixon was elected President.

Howard weighed in at a healthy 80 er no 8 pounds and was the third child born to complete the Day family.
It wasn't long before he was at school terrorising other children and teachers alike. By the time he was seven he was already pursuing what was to become his life long hobby – or GBS.
Green Bum Syndrome, for those of you who have not heard of it, involves sitting on wet grass on the edge of a riverbank, holding a stick and staring at deep water for hours on end. It is a bit like fishing but in Howard's case fish never took any part in it !

His obsession with fishing soon got him into deep water. He would regularly return home to his expectant family. His mother would ask, any luck today son? Howard would respond with a thumbs up only to reveal a no. 7 hook planted deeply in his left thumb!

For most people fishing is the pastime you end up doing after trying other energetic and dangerous sports. Not surprisingly Howard has done it in reverse. His growing size and familiarity with pain equipped him to move into rugby and boxing – a fierce competitor always using his head to gain advantage, although I don't think even Howard had planned on fracturing his skull in the process !

It was about this time the Health Service in the South of England nearly went bankrupt. A previously unheard phenomenon, DDT, or Day's Daily Treatments was reported at Hospital Board Meetings everywhere.

He wasn't choosy when he injured himself. One Christmas Eve whilst teasing his sister he broke his toe and Christmas Morning was spent in casualty.

I did not know Howard at school, thank God. However since then he has told me with characteristic modesty that he was an unusually successful academic – in fact so successful that he is still a student today. Now, he says he is there to get a degree but having visited the college with him recently he could not stop himself pointing out the fine new facilities available to study and play with!

So, Howard passed into adulthood with a clear and positive objective. He wanted to work with his hands and saw a rewarding future with wet and slippery objects – yes, fish.
In 1986 this ambition took him to Sparsholt College. Once there his first priority, as a serious student, was to be inaugurated into the inner sanctum that ruled college life, otherwise known as the rugby team.
At this point we had not met and I had no idea Howard played in a different position to me. However I wasn't going to take any chances and at the trial I set out to stop him getting the place I wanted. At our first encounter I made it my duty to help Howard get a full appreciation of the college at grass roots level.

After a while he got to his feet and some hours later when I was sure he had forgotten who had redesigned his nose I re -introduced myself, this time in a slightly friendlier manner. That was 16 years ago and to date Howard has not yet repaid the favour – but perhaps after this performance he just might.

College life suited Howard. He played with wet and slippery stuff all day and he drank wet and warm stuff all night.
However, it wasn't long before this first stretch at college was over and he moved on to manage a fish farm.

Throughout his life Howard's other great passion has been shooting. Ever since I have known him he has liked to point a loaded weapon at the birds. More recently though his love of game shooting has brought him pleasure and a great and unexpected trophy.

At Christmas two years ago Howard went for a day's shooting where he bagged a rare bird indeed. Like a pheasant she had beautiful plumage, striking looks and an unusual and piercing squawk – one we are just about getting used to! Jennifer, I am delighted to say, is now Howard's beautiful and splendid bride.

Before I draw this tale to a close I must say how Howard has been a great friend to me, and has been one of those rare people who has actually been there when needed. I can say and I'm sure his friends and family will testify that life with Howard is never ever dull.

Before I propose the toast I have some cards to read:

CARDS

Finally on behalf of the bride and groom I would like to thank everyone for sharing their day, particularly those who have travelled long distances to be here. It now gives me great pleasure to ask you to be upstanding and to raise your glasses in a toast.
We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and fruitful marriage.
Howard and Jennifer