Speech by Matthew Scriven

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Matthew Scriven
Speech Date: 05/02/2010 15:12:41

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen – my name is Matt, and I'm Special……I am the Best Man today and also Craig's not so little brother. 

It has been said that being asked to be the Best Man is like being asked to make love to the Queen – A great honour but nobody really wants to do it.  A good speech should be like a Mini Skirt – short enough to keep you interested yet long enough to cover the essentials

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Craig for his generous introduction and thank him for his toast to the bridesmaids, who I'm sure you'll all agree look gorgeous, only eclipsed by Leanne who looks absolutely stunning…..You just look stunned!

I'd also like to make a special thank you to the usher for his help today, Without you Chris all of this would have still been possible.

I've been feeling quite nervous about giving this speech for some time. But I'm pleased to say last night I slept like a baby – I woke up every two hours, screaming……But don't worry I have had my bottle today (Hold up drink).

When Craig asked me to be Best Man I was incredibly honoured, I even had a few tears in my eyes………….I was cutting onions for a chilli at the time.

After we ate, this feeling of honour soon turned into sheer panic and stomach ache, I suppose it could have been the 15 red hot peppers I put in the Chilli.  Craig somehow sensed my terror in the air and decided to help by directing me to a website.  After a few minutes alone looking through this website I can say I felt very relieved.  I luckily found a link to a best mans speech site. 

As I read through the site it was apparent there were two main rules for the Best Man to abide by:

Number 1 – Always ensure that the groom looks smart and is well groomed…….Craig was shocked last night when I knocked on his door with a tub of wax and some rubber gloves ready to do his back crack and sack.

Number 2 – At the reception the Best Man should help to   keep things running smoothly by buying everyone drinks and socialising. Well I'll have a chat with everyone, but at these prices you're on your own I'm afraid! There's a recession on you know!

For those who don't know Craig so well, I will try to give you a little overview of what he's about.

The Name Craig is Gaelic and means to drink from the Crag.  If a crag is a pub then its not far wrong.

Craig was born at a very young age, about the size of a baby on 25th March 1976.

It's traditional to try and link his birth day to a major event, but nothing really happened that day, although the hospital staff still refer to it as ”Ugly Thursday”. 

I would like to mention that Sir Elton John was born on the same day a couple of years earlier, and the two of them have a few things in common.

They are both Married, They share the same Birthday, They both love clothes and the word Gaelic works for both of them.

Aged 7 Craig had a BMX burner with 22 inch Mag wheels for his Birthday. He thought that it was called a Burner because it was fire proof.  Bonfire night was brilliant that year, the Guy was really life like.  Craig bounced off it during his impression of jack be nimble and ended up with skid marks on his helmet..… Another thing he has in common with Sir Elton.

We grew up in a chip shop and Craig was always the health conscious type.  He always made sure he had his 5-a-day….… Chips, Peas, fritters, onion rings and beans.

I always looked up to Craig and thought his dancing was amazing. I remember asking him for help preparing for a School disco dancing competition. Craig being the older brother taught me and my friend his best dance moves, well they weren't his exactly, he stole them from Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer.

We spent weeks in the garden practicing all summer, it was like a montage scene from Fame. Come the day of the Disco, My friend and I were well prepped and ready to hit the school dance floor hard.  It was then we realised that Craig, being a prefect at the time was one of the judges.  We couldn't believe our luck.… The Sandon High 1^st year dance off was surely in the bag.  Or so we thought.  We chose Hammer Time as our tune to dance to, a true classic.  

The dance was done and the votes were in……… After all those weeks spent in the garden dancing with no music on we managed to come 4^th.  Not bad you think, but only 5 teams entered, we managed to beat 2 girls skipping to Barbie Girl.  Craig still hasn't explained how it happened although I think he must have realised that the moves he taught us were dated, the guy who won was 2 stepping to Wigfield – Saturday Night.

Anyway…..

As we aged we spent a lot of our time together in the pub, and drank many pints over the years.  Now and then we would go out clubbing to the world famous Valentinoes where we would try and impress the ladies with our tartan trousers, tucked in jumpers and new and improved dance moves.   

Those who haven't witnessed Craig's dancing, your in for a treat tonight. He's quite a mover, his legs go like the clappers…shame they don't move as quick when it is his round at the bar.

I'm not saying Craig's tight, but I did see him drop a pound coin at the bar last night and he bent down so quickly to pick it up, it landed on the back of his head!

I'd now like to move onto the toasts.

There are obviously two very important people here today, without whom very little of this would have been possible. As the evening progresses, we will all get to spend time talking with them. So please join me in a very special toast – to the bar staff!

In all seriousness, I'm very honoured to be Best Man today and incredibly proud of Craig because he has found the woman who he wants to be with the rest of his life. You make a fantastic couple and I wish you a lifetime of joy and happiness.

Craig, you have gained a loving, caring, affectionate and very intelligent wife, although the latter could be questioned after today, and Leanne you've gained a Handsome new Brother In Law, a Brilliant Surname errrrrr oh, and of course Craig. A man whose enthusiasm, charisma and generosity are second to none. A fantastic BUM……..Brother, Uncle and Mate.

I just hope Craig didn't teach you the steps for your first dance, which by the way I'll be judging.

1. I'm afraid after today, the shoe is firmly on the other foot.

Ladies and gentlemen, please stand and raise your glasses in a toast to THE HAPPY COUPLE!