Speech by Matthew Watts

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Matthew Watts
Speech Date: oct 2003

Ladies and Gentlemen, firstly I would like to thank the Maid of Honour and the bridesmaids on behalf of Ben, you look fantastic.

I will take this opportunity to congratulate the happy couple and I am sure you will all agree that Kira looks absolutely stunning. Also, I would like to thank all of you for being here today to share this very special occasion.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Mike and I have the great honour of being Ben's best man.

Now I asked around for an idea of how long my speech should last, and the general response was about as long as it takes the groom to make love, so with that in mind, thank you, you have been a wonderful audience.

I would like to start by reading a few words from friends at home who could not be here.…

I first met Ben some seven years ago on my first day at university where I shared a flat with Ben and a few of the other lads here today.

My first impression of Ben was that he was charming, witty, intelligent, devilishly handsome, charis… car………… sorry Ben I'm having trouble reading your handwriting.

Kira, I would like to offer you a piece of advice from my experience of Ben. Do not allow him to spend too much time on his own. Ben has a very low boredom threshold. On one occasion when he had been left on his own for too long, I returned to find he had dyed his hair blue; another time he shaved his chest; another time he decided to redecorate his room, opting to use a Scarlet gloss paint – it wouldn't have been my choice.

Ben, now some advice for you; it's very important to get on with your mother in-law. One of my friends didn't speak to his mother in-law for two years. It wasn't that he didn't like her, it was just that he thought it would have been rude to interrupt.

In our second year of university I worked for the security at the student nightclub. Ben with the bravery a few beers brings with it offered a challenge of £50 to any one of my security mates who could knock him down. I passed this challenge on to a particularly large, bad-tempered Irish man, who the next time he saw Ben threw him against a wall saying that he was here to collect the £50. Ben, who was unsure as to whether it was a joke, took the option of grovelling for his life.

Since leaving university Ben has travelled the world, working as a teacher in Korea, Thailand and Italy. Since arriving in America he has stayed in education. This seems to be his forte. In fact I spoke to some of Ben's new work colleagues who informed me that at work Ben is something of a God – he's rarely ever seen, holier than thou, and if he does any work it's a bloody miracle.

Now I would like to tell you a little bit about how Ben and Kira met. I was not there myself, but I have managed to glean the main facts and I am sure you'll agree that they can be interpreted in two ways: –

They met in Genoa, immediately taking a romantic trip to Turin where they were so absorbed in each other they lost all track of time and missed the train home. Undeterred, they spent the night frolicking gaily through the streets of Turin and it was there that their love was born.

Alternatively, Ben tricked Kira into missing the train, then spent the night plying her with cheap Italian wine and gradually wearing down her resolve. I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.

A wise man once said to me that it is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans, it is important to find a woman who earns good money and it is important to find a woman who is good in bed. But most importantly, it is important that these three women never meet.

In all seriousness though, Ben's greatest achievement has to be marring Kira today, Ben you are a lucky man, you have married someone who is smart, beautiful, kind- hearted, loving and caring and she deserves a good husband. It's a good job you married her before she found one.

I am joking, you are a great couple and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

I once heard that you don't marry someone who you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without, and that is certainly the case for Ben and Kira.

Ladies and Gentlemen can I ask you to raise your glasses now as I propose a few toasts.

Firstly, to Joyce and Brian for all of the hard work which has gone into making today such a wonderful day.

Secondly, I would like to thank everyone for being here to share this special day. I know that some of you have travelled a long way to be here and it means a lot to Ben and Kira to have you all here today.

And finally to Ben and Kira, may your years ahead prosper with the love, affection, health and happiness which you both so richly deserve.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bride and Groom.