Speech by Michael Bean

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Michael Bean
Speech Date: May 2002
I'm Michael and I'm Gwen's older brother. I'd like to offer my congratulations to Rebecca and Gwen on their decision to be together in a life-long committed relationship.

It's been especially nice to meet Rebecca's family and several of Gwen and Rebecca's friends for the first time.

On the plane here, Joe and I were wondering why we find it so difficult to find women who are caring, intelligent, good-looking, and fun to be around.

Looking around the here tonight I've discovered it's because they all have girlfriends!

Strangely enough, I've known Gwen her whole life. I remember her as the annoying 8 year old that played her 45 of "Billy Don't Be a Hero" thirty times in a row. I remember her getting into a little mishap the first time she decided to take my car out for a drive at the age of 14.

I also enjoyed vicarious thrills after hearing about her adventures in the Peace Corps in Guinea Bissau and later in Japan where she met Rebecca.

One thing that has always impressed me about Gwen is her strong will and her initiative. A story that I've told often to my friends over the years is how Gwen, after returning from Guinea Bissau moved back to Indiana one cold dark January. She had gotten a small sum of money from the Peace Corps, which she was intending to use for several months before she started grad school in the fall. But she was spinning her wheels for several months with no job and just using up the money she had saved so she made an abrupt change of plans and bought a one way ticket to Narita. She arrived in Tokyo with no place to stay, the first day she found a hostel a month later she found an apartment and a few years after that, she found Rebecca.

I've always admired Gwen for her independence and initiative and for her incredibly strong will. In fact all the Green women are strong willed. And Rebecca, it seems that you'll fit right in!

Rebecca it's been great seeing your and Gwen's relationship develop over the years. I've seen in Gwen an affection and love for you that I've never seen in any of her past relationships. It was clear to me when I first heard about you that Gwen was completely infatuated. Of course you love each other, but it's amazing to me that the initial enthusiasm and even infatuation seems to have remained with Gwen through the years even to this day. I hope that I'll one day have as fulfilling and successful a relationship and you two have created.

That being said, at the moment, I remain an aging bachelor. And being an unmarried 36 year old straight male, I'm obviously especially well-suited to give Rebecca and Gwen advice on their lives together.

But I do have a few words of wisdom that I've gained over the years that I believe will help you both lead a life of domestic bliss…

First, The little extra you pay for name-brand tin-foil is well worth it.

There is no upside to telling people that they look as if they've lost or gained weight. However if someone works out, it's a good idea to complement them on their muscles.

When someone says he is "pumped" about something, it usually means he's about to do something stupid.

It is not the best use of your time to wish we were still united in a supercontinent known as Pan-gee-uh.

Contrary to what Barbara Streisand claims, Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry. In my own experience, love means having to say you're sorry over and over again, in new and different ways, every day, every week, every month, even when you don't want to.

Finally, something I read last week that I thought was especially appropriate for Gwen and Rebecca: "The perfect partner is not someone you can live with, it's someone you can't live without."

Gwen talked to Dad about being a lesbian a few years before he died. Of course he always loved her, but for a short period of time I think he struggled with getting his mind around the concept. It was an internal struggle. He always had accepted Gwen for who she was but he needed to adjust his internal perspective. And he quickly did, even going so far as being an aggressive defender of homosexuality among friends and acquaintances in the very conservative small town in North Carolina where he lived. I think that was a very big deal for him.

I know if Dad were here this weekend, he would be very pleased at Gwen and Rebecca's decision to enter into a life-long committed relationship and to hold this public ceremony to share their commitment to each other with their community.

Rebecca, I know we Greens are especially pleased to have you join our family as an honorary Green, if not in name, then certainly in spirit. I'm especially delighted to now have a sister-in-law.

Since Rebecca and Gwen were living in Japan when they met, I thought it fitting that I would greet them with the traditional Japanese saying,

"Kohn-BAHN-wa. Wa-TA-shee no HI-roo toh-KOH-roh AH-ree-MOSS-ka."

which, for those of you who don't understand Japanese means,

"Best wishes for a long and happy life together."

and those of you who do understand Japanese know it means

"Good Evening. Is there room for me in this tub?"

Sorry, it's the best phrase I could find in my travel guidebook.

Joking apart I'd like to wish Rebecca and Gwen all the luck and happiness they deserve. And I'm happy that they're fortunate enough to have found each other.

{wait until everyone is quiet, standing up, and holding a glass}

To Gwen and Rebecca