Speech by Michael Lyon

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Michael Lyon
Speech Date: Jun 2009
Hello everybody.
For those of you that don't know me, my name is Michael. For those of you that do know me…… well I apologise.
First of all I would like to thank you all for making the journey to celebrate today's wonderful occasion. Everybody has travelled a long way &amp I hope everyone's having a fantastic time.
I did suggest that Jay &amp Hayley get married in the Cotton Exchange..… But I've got to admit, this place is fabulous.
I'm sure you all will agree how wonderful the bridesmaids look, Nicky, Jenny &amp Jessica. Also Hayley, you look absolutely stunning.
Jay you have scrubbed up quite nicely too. It's amazing what a flannel and a bar of soap can do.
I've got to be honest I was a little bit nervous about doing a speech today. So I prepared a few lines beforehand to help me get through it. Now that I've snorted them I feel great, so let's get on with the speech.
I'm really touched that Jay asked me to be his best man today. But as soon as he asked me, thoughts of this speech were constantly on my mind. You know, being best man is a little bit like making love to the queen. It's a great honour but no one really wants to do it.
I decided the best place to start for ideas would be the internet. I was in on my own one day so I decided to have a browse. After a couple of hours searching I found some really really good stuff.… but then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for best man tips.
I have known Jay and Hayley separately since primary school. Although Jay will say otherwise, I have known Hayley a little bit longer.
Me and Jay didn't become close friends until 1996 when I moved into the same street as Jay lived. I was 14 and Jay had just turned 13. We soon discovered we had the same interests. CIDER &amp SKOLL SUPER
You see, those of you that have known Jay since he was a kid will know that his voice broke when he was 6. It's been the same ever since. Even though he was only 4ft 2, which also hasn't changed, he could always get served for the drink in the off-licence because of his deep man like voice.
So booze has played a massive part in our enjoyment ever since.
It's difficult to remember Jay before Hayley was around. I have always been very close to them as a couple and we used to hang around together. This was because I could never get a girlfriend of my own.… No, I can't understand it either.
We used to have a drink in Jays house….Me, Jay &amp Hayley
We used to go the pictures…… Me, Jay &amp Hayley
We used to go bowling….… Me, Jay &amp Hayley
And yes, this is extremely sad on my part.
I remember one time. I think it was Jays 17th Birthday. We were having a drink in Jay's house, Me, Jay &amp Hayley… I done the honours and bought us a bottle of tequila, lemons &amp salt. The full works, all for my good friend's birthday. After a couple of beers and about 1 and a half rounds of tequila shots, Jay was out of the game. He was so wasted that me and Hayley had to put him in bed. I was disappointed because there was 3 quarters a bottle of tequila left and it was only 9.10. Me and Hayley stayed up all night and polished the whole bottle off. I remember waking up on the top bunk of Jay's single bunk beds with John's feet in my mouth. Jay and Hayley were in the bottom bunk…..… Top &amp Tail of course. Honest Tom.
I can't describe how much these 2 people mean to me.
I wasn't going to talk about the stag doo today because to be honest, talking about everything Jay has done, I would only be incriminating myself and I don't want to tarnish my impeccable reputation.
Unfortunately all of the pictures from the stag doo have mysteriously disappeared? So I will try to describe the outfit we made Jay wear. Well to be honest I didn't have to persuade him much. He had on this sexy devil outfit I bought from smithy's. He wore it with some sexy red fishnet stockings, with no underwear and lovely red wig which he kept sweeping out of his eyes. He finished it off with a pair of black trainies. I can't believe he was actually gutted we couldn't get a pair of red high heels in his size.
Just to give you an insight into Jay, we went for a drink on Christmas night. Me, my fianc&#233e, Becky, my brother Neil and his girlfriend. Jay got so smashed that he ended up putting on the devil costume and wore it round the house all night, just for a laugh. I cannot begin to tell you how much of a good sport this man is.
Oh, and being a teacher, I'm sure Britain's youth is in good hands. Just don't wear your favourite red dress for work mate.
Having known Jay for so long &amp with our similar competitive nature, whether it be drinking, football or …….… paper, scissors and rock. It's nice for Jay to finally admit that I am indeed the Best Man.
So Jay and Hayley, you've finally got married. For better and for worse which is quite appropriate as Jay couldn't have done any better and Hayley couldn't have done any worse.
Before I let you all enjoy the rest of the day I wanted to offer Jay a piece of advice. And Jay you will be glad to know that a successful marriage can be compared to football.
Ensure you are fully committed every week
Try your best to score every Saturday
Make sure that you change hands at half time
Don't put your tackle in too hard as you might get injured
And no tackling from behind….… especially on your wedding night
Jay you have gained a loving, caring, affectionate wife in Hayley and Hayley you've gained….… well a beautiful new dress and a lovely new ring…………..… And a husband who will always look after you.
Seriously now, Jay and Hayley, words cannot describe how happy I am that you are finally getting married. I know Jay couldn't have made a better choice. Jay we have had some amazing times and I know this will continue in the future. You have been a great friend to me over the years and I know how happy Hayley makes you. I know how proud your dad would be of you????????????
It now gives me immense pleasure, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses to the new Mr &amp Mrs Jones.
May your love be modern enough to survive the times &amp old fashioned enough to last forever.
TO JAY &amp HAYLEY