Speech by Michael Szczygiel

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Michael Szczygiel
Speech Date: Oct2006
Good afternoon Ladies and Gentleman…….for those of you who don't know me my names Micky and as you know I have the honour of being the best man today.

I did actually have a proper speech prepared for today, ……..…
But I watched that show on itv 2 the other night “the guide to the best mans speech” Just to get a few last minute tips for the big speech……
Can you imagine my panic when the bit came up about the definite no.. No's! Of a best Mans Speech….…

NO Dirty Jokes about the Bride – throw card
No mother in law Jokes – throw card
No stories about the Stag weekend – throw card
And definitely no talking about the grooms exes! – throw card

Its sort of left me short of material ……………………throw the rest of the cards!

Ok But seriously …….your be pleased to know that I do actually have a speech prepared so let me read it if I may

A Wise old man once said that the best Man's speech should only last as long as it takes the groom to make love………LADIES AND GENTLEMAN …..THE BRIDE AND GROOM

And isn't it funny how history has a way of repeating itself………I mean 39 years ago TODAY Madge and Del were sending their Beautiful daughter Karen off to bed with a dummy……..and here we are again today….…

Ok so Firstly on behalf of the Bridesmaids I would like to thank Sean for his kind words today. I would also like to thank The Bride and groom for giving everybody a FANTASTIC day today, and I think you all will agree that we have had a GREAT day so far….so thanks for that guys.

I would also like to thank Karen and Sean for the Lovely present that they have given me, I will treasure it forever….thanks again for that guys. And I would also like to thank Millie and Casey the bridesmaids for doing a fantastic job today

I would like to make a special thanks to Ben for being the page boy today….Ben has been helping me out all day … I think he has done a really good job today and I think he deserves a round of applause , don't you ?…………….…

AND Wasn't it also lovely to see KAREN IN A DRESS for once…it's not everyday you get to see that…I have to say though that she looks STUNNING today…..Whereas my man Sean ..Well he's just looking stunned!!!.…

……..Talking of SEAN……when he asked me to be his best man I must admit that I was very HONOURED.… as I admire and respect Sean very much,.… he is a very nice fella as you all know,… he is always willing to help people out, always willing to listen to people, always willing to give a bit of advice if needed, but most of all and the reason we get on is that he is always having a laugh and a joke if he can…so may I just take this opportunity to thank him for asking me to be his best man,

Although I must admit that I was a bit wary of what being the Best Man meant …as Giving a speech in front of 50 or so people did not seem like my idea of fun……ESPECIALLY when you Have That Lot over there watching YOUR EVERY MOVE………..But on the plus side it meant that I got to organise the Stag weekend in Bournemouth which I hope Sean and the lads enjoyed very much, I don't think it is one that will be forgotten in a hurry but for me the highlights
Were the following:-

Dean talking about the Italians &amp their sunburnt Armpits
Micky and the Mass Debate
Gary, Dean, Jim and Mick with their Air Guitars &amp Singing in the Club
Sean and his Karting ego………..IT WAS BIG !
Gary's 㿅0 pound winning chip in the casino
Paul's charge of the light brigade at the Paintballing
Dean doing the crab in the middle of the nightclub
Ross doing his Michael Schumacher waves on the Karting circuit
Jim and his amazing charm with everybody…..and I mean everybody
Mark being the pocket rocket….Literally
Gary high rolling at the roulette table
Jim's phobia to the word Twist!
Anthony calling everyone Peasants
Micky sleeping in the bar
Ross Defending his golf handicap on the first day
And many, many more…..including Sean in his kilt…

So as you can see.… all in all it was a fabulous weekend of good clean fun!
And the main thing is that we got home in one piece!

ANYWAY…I'm sure your all interested to hear how the LOVELY COUPLE MET…..Well it just so happens that I know how…….and a few other people in the room do too, but I found out that not everybody does so I thought it was only fair seeing as we are talking about the lovely couple to talk about how they actually met

So I have here the original Yellow Advertiser that Sean wrote into with his Lovely Lonely heart ad all those years ago.. I'm sure it must have slipped Sean's mind not to tell us, but as his Best Man I feel it is my duty to let you know how Sean Described himself all those years ago…It's quite a touching read… no wonder Karen was interested…….LET ME READ IT IF I MAY……..…

Newspaper has mock up of Sean in his kilt as I read it out!

TALL DARK AND HANDSOME, HIGHLY CHARGED ALPHA MALE who is Into GIRLY CARS, FRILLY PURSES and Fight clubs………..…
SEEKS Double Jointed Supermodel who owns her own BREWEREY………………..…
Must have a pair of Scissors and sink for my daily hair care routine………………..…
Being short is a plus as is having an open Minded Sister………………..…

So as you can see Sean was an ideal catch for our lovely bride…..Karen took the plunge and texted back although she did admit later that she thought they might be a bunch of saddosI don't know why she would think that Sean? But anyway the bottom line is that she replied they got on and the rest is history as they say…

For their Special day I thought it would also be a good idea to get some wedding advice from our mutal friends, so that Karen and Sean can benefit from there wisdom..…

From Dean Mortimer:
&quotSean, I muttered a few words in church and I was married. A year later, I muttered a few words in my sleep and I was nearly divorced&quot

From Dave Curtis:
“It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he always ends up with the same boss.”

From Emer my Mrs:
Before marriage a man will lay awake all night thinking about something you said after marriage he'll fall asleep before you have finished saying it. “

And finally From Dave Kiernan – Sean why bother with marriage?
Just find a woman you hate ………………….and buy her a house..…

My own advice to you Sean would be not to forget the three Magic words to a long, happy successful Marriage…………

YOU'RE….RIGHT..… LOVE

OK so before read some of the cards I have a couple of announcements to make:-

The first announcement is that Don King the boxing promoter has been on the phone.… He would like to know when SEAN is going back down to the Karting Track in Bournemouth again??? …He wants to know when he can start making arrangements for Fight Night 2!!!!! If you could get back to him Sean he would appreciate it mate………..apparently he thinks it will be a sell out!

The other announcement is that the Guinness Book of records have been on and wanted me to confirm if it was true, that Dean had broken the world Record for the number of jokes made at one stag weekend..… the previous record was 4067……….… but to be fair to Dean I think he broke that in the first Half hour …so it gives me great pleasure to present Dean with the certificate for the new world record of 10,678 jokes in one weekend ……………if you would like to come up and receive it Dean I would appreciate it………..…

I have a few cards to read……………..…

One from Ireland – real
One from Girls – spearmint rhino
One from the monkey Magic Fan club
One from the pope

As some of you may know Sean is a bit of a Karaoke queen at heart and likes to belt out a few Neil Diamond numbers now and again… He's a Big Fan of the X Factor and has a few ant &amp Dec CD's at home. He even has a Guide to singing DVD Made by Ant &amp Dec….… so I wrote a letter to Simon Cowell asking if he could send a personal message for Sean's Big Day, seeing as how he is such a big fan of the show…..As it happens he has replied and I have the card here……

It reads……………

So finally …….It's supposed to be one of the duties of the best man to sing the praises of the Bride &amp Groom today..… But as a few of you know when it comes to singing I'm in the Sean camp not in the Dean one..… I CANNOT SING A NOTE ………… ..… So Instead I thought I would write a little poem for their special day…..I hope they and you enjoy it…

Sean And Karen

Our Lovely new couple, a match from the stars,
Karen is from Heaven and Sean is from Mars.
Karen the hairdresser, and Sean from the Bill,
Both feeling lonely and over the HILL…..sorry Karen

But from a simple Advert, they followed there hunch.
They seemed ok for each other, so went out to lunch.
Then on to a dinner, they could both see the light,
They had a great laugh, and a very good night…apparently!!

They were happy together, and made a great team,
At last they had found love, or so it would seem…
Then along came Derry, a boy to behold,
A cute little brother, for young Casey to Hold.

But all was not well, they were arguing a lot.
For they did not realise, what they had both got.
One time in Turkey, the Rows they blew up.
But thank god for Emer, they were told to shut up.

They got back together, and for that we are glad,
To see them apart, would have been ever so sad.
They make a nice couple, and get on so well
There so much in love, it's so easy to tell.

So here we are today, a day of which they can boast
One more job for me to do, to deliver the toast
So to Sean and Karen, our friends we wish the best,
And a great Night's entertainment, of Joviality, laughter and jest!

SEAN AND KAREN……….