Speech by Michael Tan

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Michael Tan
Speech Date: oct 2002
Ladies and Gentlemen,

Your host and hostess have requested that, for reasons of safety, at the end of this speech you refrain from getting up on the tables and chairs during my standing ovation….Thank-You

Right….Firstly I'd like to point out that we are here today to celebrate a LOVE MATCH : PURE & SIMPLE.
Mel's PURE, and Joe's .… a very nice guy!

But seriously, I'd like to thank Joe for his kind words especially on behalf of the bridesmaids, and allowing me the honour of being surrounded by pretty girls for a whole day. It's not something that happens to me very often!
I admit, being best man is a very pleasant job, I think we all feel that Joe was absolutely right in saying such nice things about everyone, and about me too for that matter, though i have to admit, I think I really do deserve it! After all, where would the groom be without his best man……..knowing Joe, probably still in bed!

In fact, those of you that know him will understand when i say I was shocked to discover him here on time, or even here at all, to be quite honest i really did think he would Call in Sick!!

But, he did make it, along with his lovely bride, about which were heard quite a bit today, and I'd like to add a bit more, earlier during the ceremony, I'm sure you'll all agree, she looked absolutely Stunning!!…
As opposed to the Groom who looked absolutely STUNNED!
No, really, she looks fabulous, Joe's a really lucky guy, in fact he's looking so smug and pleased with himself at the moment he doesn't really need any congratulations.

Perhaps some of you don't know how this all started…
Let me fill you in..…
Mel was out one night looking radiant as usual, wearing amongst other things a tiny butterfly broach….it was a Saturday night so lets face it, Joe was a little worse for wear, more so than usual due to the fact he was gathering some dutch courage to ask out a lady who WAS and obviously still IS out of his league……he stumbles over and says to her…
"Give me your phone number or the butterfly gets it!"
We know Mel's an animal lover, so it's not like she had much choice!

As you can see, one thing Joe is renowned for, are his selling skills, lets be honest, if he can sell loft insulation to someone without a loft, its not surprising he's landed Mel in this predicament. Just one word of advice to our lovely bride, if he ever threatens to leave……just make sure you hold out for a confirmed date!

I did some research for the speech as you'd expect…I talked to some of Joe's old teachers about his performance in school, they told me he wasn't just falling behind…he was being lapped…
So i asked them what they thought Joe would be when he left, they said…"about thirty-five"!

One thing that came to light was one of Joe's MANY annoying habits, and that's putting things off…yes, people have often accused him of being a a procrastinator…and I'm sure one of these days he'll get round to denying it.…

But ladies and gentlemen, I've been asked today to praise Joe, not bury him…mind you the vote was rather close…

I've know Joe for quite a few years now, the first time we went for a night out, was in the club where he worked as a doorman. Unfortunately someone recognised him as off duty and decided we were a prime target for a fight. Let me add, that this came about through no fault of our own. This unfortunately started a bit of a habit, a few of us went on holiday together to Gran Canaria and the first night there, yep, you guessed it….picked on again, how unlucky can one man be…….lets just say that one of us ended up in hospital for the week and Joe came home needing a dentist….so, with this in mind lets all hope Mel has the foresight to keep our unfortunate groom locked up for the majority of their honeymoon!

I did say that i was only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat..
If i go on too long, Mel has threatened to cut it…

Just one quick word of advice to my now married friend…To keep your marriage on the right track – Joe……
whenever your wrong….admit it…
whenever your right….shut up!

Finally, As a man who'll drink to absolutely anything, I'd be grateful if you'd all give me an excuse to raise my glass once again by joining me in one more toast to the happy couple…..two people that I love very much and that are very dear to me, and i expect, to yourselves as well, lets wish them all the best in their marriage for many years to come.…
The new Mr & Mrs Mxxxxxxx
Mel and Joe!