Speech by Mick Reynolds

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Mick Reynolds
Speech Date: 01/07/2013 13:03:35

A wise man once told me that the best mans speech should last as long as it takes the groom to make love …..Thank you very much ladies and gentleman

Ladies and Gentlemen,  Boys and Girls, for those that don't know me I'm Mick and I'm the best man.  I've known Matt for 25 years since meeting at college.    It is a great privilege to be asked by Matt to be his best man. He has quite generously returned the favour that I asked of him 19 years ago, during which Matt took the opportunity to make lots of cheap jokes at my expense, so I now have the right to reply.

Today I'd like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to a man who personifies intelligence, ambition, tact, generosity, and integrity. But it is Matt's wedding so it's only fair that I talk about him as well.

Matt and I share a passion for what some would call rubbish music.  Matt converted me from a long haired rocker to a short haired indie rocker.  we are now some of the oldest swingers in town.  We had the unofficial stag do at the Barcelona music festival where we gave the young ones a run for their money in the mosh pit.  At our age we struggled with going to bed at 6 in the morning and could be seen snoring away until lunch time.

We had the stag do in Manchester.  We had a great time at Grillstock, the comedy store and the indian but even though it was his last night of freedom, Matt still drunk like a girl.  I didn't realise that it was fancy dress until Matt came as a tramp. His clothes are so bad that when he tried to donate them to Oxfam they refused to take them.  Thankfully, that did not deter him from helping Oxfam with his selfless wedding List.  Whenever I see a pair of goats I'll always think of Matt and Lynsey.

 Matt and I share an interest in football.  Matt supports one of  the richest club in the world in Manchester City.  I support one of the poorest clubs in the world in Bury FC.  Married life can be compared to football. So be fully committed every  week and make sure you score every weekend. Make sure you change ends at half time and put your tackle in hard or you might injure yourself. However, Lynsey assures me that playing away from home, will result in a serious groin injury and is definitely the quickest way to get on the transfer list.

As I'm sure you are all aware from the invites, Matt and Lynsey met at the printworks, by the hotdog stand, while running to evade an escaped bear.  They quickly discovered an uncommon love of trout fishing and yodelling and decided they must get married.

What really happened was Matt moved back to Manchester with his daughter Ellie in 2007 after living in London.  He met Lynsey in 2010 through the film club that he helped to run, after she recognised him from his website picture.  At the time, I asked Matt how old Lynsey was and he said 12 years younger at which point I gave him a high 5 and said well done mate.  I'm glad to say that this was the start of a beautiful relationship which I'm sure will last the test of time.

I would like to say a big “thank you” to the bridesmaids for today as you will all agree they have done a marvellous job and all look fantastic

Indeed they are only eclipsed by Lynsey herself, who I'm sure you'll agree looks absolutely stunning.  whereas Matt just looks stunned

So Matt and Lynsey you've finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite appropriate as Matt couldn't have done any better and Lynsey couldn't have done any worse.

Before I finish, I would like to give Matt some advice on what people thought were the ingredients to a long and happy marriage so here are a few.

Firstly, set the ground rules and establish whose boss…and then do everything  Lynsey says!

Secondly, never be afraid that Lynsey will leave you – she's spent time training you, she's not going to throw that away lightly!

Whenever you're wrong, be a man and admit it  Whenever you're right, just “SAY nothing!”

Always give your wife 3 months notice if you want to go down the pub with the lads… and get her agreement in writing.

Finally,  never forget to say those 3 little words every day for the rest of your life – “YOU'RE RIGHT DEAR!”

All that remains for me to do is to ask you to charge your glasses, stand and join me in wishing Mr & Mrs Maguire a long, prosperous and happy life together.  Ladies and gentlemen please raise your glasses – to the Bride & Groom.