Speech by Mick Tonner

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Mick Tonner
Speech Date: Aug2007
INTRO
Good evening ladies, gentlemen, boys, girls and wedding crashers

Can you all hear me at the back? I'll have a pint and a double vodka thanks.

If I'm, being honest with you's I think this is the 6th time today I have stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.

I'd like to thank Ricky on behalf of the bridesmaids for his kind words &amp I'm sure everyone will agree the bridesmaids look beautiful &amp have done a wonderful job so thank you.

And how can I forget the ravishing pageboys and flowergirls, remember stay off that drink.

About 20 odd years ago Joe &amp Margaret we're sending Lisa to bed with a dummy every night &amp I'm afraid Lisa you'll be going home with one every night now.

RICKY
For those of you that don't know me, I'm Michael, Ricky's younger brother.

I'm goin to relate this speech to a mini-skirt: short enough to keep you all interested but long enough to cover the essentials.

I've been extremely nervous about having to do this speech so when I was dropping my mum off to work the other night, at the nursing home I decided to go in and practice in front of the patients, I think they all enjoyed it coz they all pissed themselves.

Me being the best man, it brings a few responsibilities to the table:
-I've got to make sure his face and hair are in order, think I've scrubbed him up well
-not lose the all important rings
-and last but not least, making sure all the ex-girlfriends stay away but foot &amp mouth took care of that one

Being the younger brother you would think I should look up to Ricky. I did for a while but then one day I was playing with my G I Joe action figures &amp Ricky quite the thing whispers in my ear, “you know what? See if you hold in your farts you blow up”

RICKY

Ricky can be very humorous at times &amp as you know he works in the car industry. So one day I was chatting away to him in the courtyard of Arnold Clark &amp a woman approached thinking Ricky was a salesman. The woman points to a car saying how much she likes it &amp bent over to see the metallic paint when out popped a little fart. Clearly embarrassed &amp hoping we didn't hear, she asks how much it is, I'll take it. But Ricky straight faced replied “madam if you farted just touching it you'll shit yourself when you hear the price”.

Now this has been an emotional day, even the cakes in tiers.

I'd like to congratulate everyone for all their efforts in making this such a special day. Now it must be special coz Ricky has actually dipped into that tight pocket of his &amp put free wine on the table so everyone make the most of it.

END
On a more serious note now, It's been a real honour to be the best man here today. At the end of the day Ricky is my brother and I don't have a bad word to say about him.

Marriage is not about finding someone you can live with, it's about finding someone you can't live without &amp I think Ricky and Lisa have found that in each other.

I'd like to end by toasting the bride and groom, but just before I do, I'd like to say some lines from a song that was written many years ago by the Beatles, but the lyrics I believe are still meaningful today

“she loves you yeah, yeah, yeah, she loves you yeah, yeah, yeah, and with a love like that you know you should be glad”

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the bride and groom.