Speech by Mike Jones

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Mike Jones
Speech Date: May 2002
INTRO
Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, for those who don't know me my name is Mike and I am the best man.

THANK YOUS
Firstly, I'd like to thank Karl for his kind words.
I'd also like to thank the bridesmaids and flower girls, I'm sure you will all agree that they all look lovely and have done a great job in getting Marie ready. I'd also like to thank them for making today an emotional event – even the cake is in tiers.

JOKES
In preparing this speech a wise old man told me it should last no longer than it takes the groom to make love. Thank you all very much (sit down)

We are hear to celebrate a love match Pure & Simple, Marie is Pure and Karl is, er, simple.

BEST MAN JOBS
One of my jobs as best man was to ensure that Karl was not himself today. Which basically meant him being:

– Fully and Properly Dressed
– Organised and On-Time
– With enough money to get at least One Round In.

Another of my jobs as best man was to arrange the Stag Do:

Karl, Me, Muffin, Wicksie, Perry, Hannibal, Woody, Barney, Money, Muhatma all went on a stag weekend to Prague. Sharing a room with Karl gave me a time-saving idea – instead of wasting time getting dressed in the morning,
just sleep in your clothes and wear them the next day.

The weekend went very well, we spent many hours touring the historic city
of Prague followed by a night at the theatre.

Karl
Now a few words about Karl:
I first met Karl in a bar at university. The first words I heard him say
were: "A pint of lager please" Marie first met Karl in a local pub – the first words she heard him say were: "A pint of lager please"

As some of you may know, Karl and Marie recently went on a trip around SE Asia. When they got back – Karl was off work so he decided to be "helpful around the house" by doing a bit of DIY. On one day, this helpfulness included him falling through the front room ceiling, drilling a hole through a water pipe and electrocuting himself.

Well now Karl and Marie have got married ‘For Better or For worse’ Which is quite appropriate really as Karl couldn't do any better and Marie couldn't do any worse!

TELEGRAMS
Now for the telegrams:

To Marie: Shame it didn't work between us, However, if the rumours are true about Karl, ring me – Robbie Williams

To Karl: Shame it didn't work between us, we could have been so good together – Julian clary

(real messages)

TOASTS
The toasts:
Firstly I'd like to say to Karl and Marie that I have enjoyed our friendship for the past 9 years, and I hope it continues for many more years.

If I can now ask you to remain seated but raise your glasses, I'd like to make a few toasts. Firstly to the Bridesmaids who look lovely and have done a great job today. Thank You

To the Bride and Groom's parents for this very special day. Thank You

It now gives me great pleasure to invite you to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Karl and Marie, the new Mr and Mrs Xxxx.

The Bride and Groom.