Speech by Mike Mullen

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Mike Mullen
Speech Date: May2007
Good Evening Ladies and gentleman.

For those of you that haven't already guessed, my name is Mike and I'm the unlucky one who gets to be Tom's best man. I would like to start by saying how nice it is to see so many people here today, it is of course the most important day of Tom and Lisa's lives ………and it also happens to be the most nerve-racking day of my life.

However I have been promised that if I do a good job today, I don't have to be best man at Tom's next wedding!

Now when Tom asked me to be his best man, my initial thoughts where, great! I'll get to tell you guys all about his crazy adventures, his many run ins with the police, the endless round of drinking sessions we've had in the pub and… of course his string of meaningless flings.

However when I finally got around to writing this speech, about TWO hours ago, I soon realised that if I did tell all, I would be not only be making myself look bad but I stood a real chance of getting poor Tom, deported for crimes against a certain sheep.

But we can't let Tom get off that lightly. Its tradition for the best man to joke about how many ex-girlfriends the groom has had, and I'm not one to break with tradition.

So Leisa here is everything you have always wanted to know or not wanted to know about Toms shady past. [pause] Well, I am afraid to say that Tom's last girlfriend was certainly something special. She had a beautiful face, a fantastic figure, never, ever answered back… but best of all she only took fourteen minutes to INFLATE!

[PAUSE]

Now, on a serious note I am guessing that many of you won't have had the chance to meet Tom yet, so I thought, that this would be the perfect opportunity to mention a couple of his good points. Please don't worry this wont take long.

So I have them written down here on this list… , [hold up tiny bit of paper]

So here goes…

Tom is intelligent, caring, trusting and good, good, good luck …..… look …..…

Look at Tom – Scrunch Up List and throw over shoulder

“Tom, I sorry but you've got the handwriting of a five year old!”

I met Tom back in 2001, we were only 18 we shared many interests. Most of them involved drinking large amounts of alcohol however we did share a passion for travelling.

So within a couple of months of meeting, armed with our shinny new credit cards we set off on our global travels.

A couple of weeks in Thailand and few ‘incidents’ with lady boys later we eventually reached our destination, the land down under…

Now, it was on these travels round Oz that Tom met Leisa, now I have to be honest and say I can't really remember much about the early days of their relationship. So I asked Tom, but he couldn't really remember much about the early days of their relationship.

However even through my drink fuelled haze – I could see that Tom knew he had found someone very special. So when the time came for us to leave Brisbane you could certainly tell he was a changed man… he was still a lazy, Welsh man with a passion for rubber chickens.… But changed non the less.

So six years later and after many large phone bills their relationship blossomed once again…

Tom took the massive risk of staying at home and playing his X-box, while Leisa left everything behind and flew the 10?00 miles to be with her one true love.

Unfortunately on landing, it was a slightly older and somewhat larger Tom that greeted her at the airport. However she has made do and here we are, back where it all began, celebrating their new marriage

Now do I do have a special request from the Bride, it's a simple exercise that allows a young couple to quickly establish who's the boss. So Leisa, if I could please ask you to place your left hand, face down on the table. How tom, please take your right hand and place it on top of Leisa's. Ok, how does that feel. Feels good? Well make the most of it mate, for this is the very last time you will have the UPPER HAND.

Finally, before I wrap up…

I would just like to say that it's been an absolute honour for me to do this, Tom is one of my closest mates and honestly is an all round top bloke, he is also incredibly fortunate to have the very lovely Leisa as his new wife..

So on that note I would like to ask the new Mr &amp Mrs Conde, to stand up. And I would like to ask you guys to charge your glasses and join me in wishing this very special couple, a very special future.

Tom and Leisa