Speech by Mike O’keefe

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Mike O’keefe
Speech Date: sep 2002
Darrens Speech

Well as groucho Marx once said “After an introduction like that I can barely wait to hear myself speak”

Good afternoon ladies & gentlemen for those of you who don't know me my name is Mike. Darren has given me the great honour of being his best man on his & Angela's special day

However if the truth be known I'm a little nervous making this speech .… As this isn't the 1st time today that I've risen from a warm seat clutching a piece of paper

I know Darren was pretty nervous also but Kelvin did assure me that he slept like a baby last night ….waking up every hour crying for his mummy

Now Darren was born in 1970 Dawn & Kelvin loved him very much & were extremely proud. But its not hard to believe that he was an ugly baby…In fact Dawn tells me she didn't start morning sickness until after he was born

At school Darren always gives the impression that he was a keen pupil but I've managed to get hold of some of his school reports.…
Maths- Although very keen Darren has a problem distinguishing between inches & millimetres ( I hope that's still not true Ang )

Music- Darren takes a very hands on approach to music but I wish he'd concentrate on playing in a band rather than himself

Religious ed- Darren finds it difficult to grasp the fact that the book of Genesis was not written by Phil Collins

Now in Darren's teenage years he was pretty renowned for liking a drink. One story that springs to mind was when his mum Dawn was sure she was having a close encounter. On looking out of the front door there was a series of flashing lights bouncing around. Fearing for her life she called Kelvin who came bounding down the stairs to face the ET like figure . Upon opening the door who should be stood there but Darren swaying around drunk as a lord with loads of road work beacons hanging from his pockets , slurring “ Thought you might need some batteries for your radio dad!”

Cards

Anyway back to the wedding and my task of being best man. One of my duties was to organise the stag weekend. Unfortunately due to the law of the stag I am bound to secrecy..… Except for one thing the reason for getting kicked out of the hostel in Dublin. Having spoken to the manager in the morning he told me about loads of complaints due to the noise coming from Darrens room. Apparently a Y-Front wrestling tournament was the cause of the rumpusand if you look at the envelopes you will see how seriously Darren took the bout! And Ang I can now see what you saw in Darren …the physique & taste in undies say it all

Cards

Another story about Darren was his dream of appearing on T.V. Some years ago there was a program on C5 called Touch the Truck. This involved contestants stood around a 4 wheel drive touching it until the last person standing won it. Unfortunately he didn't make it on the show ….Although the potential for winning was there as he's got his own game called touch the forklift where he leans against it all day at work drinking gallons of coffee

Anyway on a serious note I'd like to say a few words about some very important people without whom today just wouldn't be the same I'm sure all of us will shuffle past them at some point today and exchange a few kind words.… Ladies & Gentlemen , please raise your glasses to….The bar staff!

Well I really do think its about that time,
That I end this speech with a short rhyme,
Thank you for asking me to be your best man,
I really have done the best job I can,
Today Darren & Ang have finally tied the knot,
Its now up to you both to give it your best shot,
On 29th October 2000 what came to be,
Was the arrival of Daniel, your two now became three
And on asking Ang, will you have any more ?
Well lets wait and see-your three soon may became four!

Theres no doubt that good times and bad times will come your way,
But when they do- just remember this special day

Being your best man has been an honour and a pleasure,
So heres hoping your day will be one to treasure.
True friends these days are hard to find- so heres to you both- your truly two of a kind!

Ladies & gentleman, please be upstanding and join me in a toast to the Bride & Groom