Speech by Nathan Hague

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Nathan Hague
Speech Date: oct 2004
Good afternoon everyone, I'm sure you'll all agree that this has turned out to be a fabulous day so far.

For those of you that don't know me, my name's Nathan Hague & it was me that responded to Lyndon's spam email about being his Best Man today. Here I am!!

I was quite nervous about speaking today so I prepared a few lines, and now that I've snorted them I feel just fine!

Now apparently, so they say, the best man's speech is the groom's worst five minutes of the day. Susan, however, has a longer wait for her worst two minutes of the day. I guess that will cum much later tonight…

All best man speeches I could find on Google, <PAUSE >

..consist of a few cheap laughs at the expense of the Groom. This speech ain't going to be deviating away from that formula, and as we all know, Lyndon provides for a wealth of comedy material…

Before all that though, I think we need to thank some people here. On behalf of Lyndon and Susan, thanks go to the Bridesmaid. I'm sure you'll all agree with me, that she looks lovely.

The Bride looks quite simply, stunning. Words can't convey how beautiful she looks today, really?

Thanks to the Parents and family of Lyndon and Susan – you've all helped with making today special.

Thanks to you all <POINT TO AUDIENCE>

Thankyou for attending this awesome day, and we hope you all enjoyed the service and you continue to enjoy this reception.

Anyone else that feels like a thank you, stand up and dammit, we'll thank you now too.

As one of the only serious moments in my speech, I am both proud and unbelievably honoured to count Lyndon as not only a good friend, but as my best friend. I love the geezer like a brother. We've shared many laughs together – normally at Lyndon's expense I might add – and we've shared some baaaaad moments. However, in the three years I have had the privilege to know Lyndon AND SUSAN, certainly MY life has been better for knowing them..

<PAUSE>

Not sure about theirs, mind you… but.…

I also have to say that Susan has been a wonderful influence on Lyndon.

Since the day they met … at…ummmm..… Sizzler.… Bride with that salad bar sir.… he's been a happy little vegemite and I've seen what a great double act they are. I genuinely admire Lyndon's outlook on life, and I know that Susan shares his amazing approach and is more than match for his own …perceived… wit.

Now, they say that you should keep the passion hot and never let the flames of love die. The flamey hotness bringing me neatly onto our first Lyndon-sponsored story.

As we all know, Lyndon is a smart, intelligent and savvy geezer. He's the pinnacle of human ability.

However, on this particular day, meek, mild-mannered Mr Vincent turned into a half-human, half-plankton.

Yes, Lyndon was at the time, staying with me and the enemy (the ex-missis), and decided that his room needed some light in the form of a candle. No worries. About half hour later, Lyndon's chilling with me and the missis in the lounge when she gets up to go the loo. As she got up, she heard what she thought, was our cat scratching in Lyndon room. Sounded like claws scraping, she said.

Anyhoo, she puts her head around Lyndon's door and found the candle had knocked over and SET FIRE TO THE SURROUNDING TABLE.

A quick scream, from Suzanne AND Lyndon and I put the mini-inferno out.

I could go on to mention some of Lyndon's finer qualities and moments, such as:-

<LONG PAUSE>

………but ……there….are far too many to mention so I won't say any more!

But…….… all this frivolity and laughter at his expense, just makes him the man he is, and we love him for it, and wouldn't have him any other way!!!

Now, couple of cards.…

<READ SERIOUS ONE x 2>

Congratulations on your marriage Mr Vincent – Boondall Police (Traffic Camera Office) – they're great mate, aren't they – how much business have we been giving them over the years…???

Well people, this day's certainly not mine to take the limelight away and I have to take this one man comedy show enigma to another gig tonight anyway… so..…

So on that note, would you all be upstanding and join me in toasting Lyndon and Susan to the happiest day of their lives ….so far.

Lyndon and Susan Vincent……..… CHEERS!!!