Speech by Neil Harris

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Neil Harris
Speech Date: May2007
I would like to ask Beccy's father David to say a few words

I would now like to call on Justin who would like to thank a few people

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I hope everyone is enjoying this very special day so far. It's been an emotional day, ……..even the cake is in tiers.

I would like to start by thanking Justin for his kind words on behalf of our lovely bridesmaid Kirsty. I'm sure you will agree she has carried out her role superbly, I would also like to thank the ushers…… for at least turning up sober.

I think you will all agree Beccy looks one in a million today …as opposed to Justin who looks like he was won in a raffle.

For those of you who don't know me, I am Justin's cousin, Neil. And I have the honour of being his best man. And it is a great honour, but in all honesty I am actually a little nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted by the fact I have actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience at the local old peoples home, … I think it went well,they all pissed themselves anyway.

.I'd also like to congratulate Justin on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.

During the service today I couldn't help thinking its funny how history repeats itself, I mean it was 30 years ago David and Carol were sending their daughter to bed with a dummy………and it's happening all over again today.

I have known Justin all my life, he has always loved sport especially football, from an early age it was obvious he was a natural defender, he loved to get stuck in.
It's a shame he hasn't carried that over to his working life,
Richie has started calling him god at work because he never see's him, ….and if he ever does any work it's a miracle.

Now Just has always taken great pride in his appearance, some people have even said he is vain, I never believed this……much, until the morning we got to the airport to fly off for his stag weekend, he seemed to have a glow about him, all the boys were asking him if he had been using tanning lotion, Justin denied it profusely, after another pint and a lot of abuse he tried to fob us off with the excuse that he was in such a rush when he got up, that in his haste he had mistakenly put Beccy's moisturiser on which had tanning in it, sufficed to say he was set upon then until he finally admitted that he bought the stuff himself.

I just don't know how he thought he would get away with it, it was snowing the week before.

I thought I had better find out some interesting events that happened on the day he was hatched, sorry born.

He was born on the 11th of September 1977 which was a sunday, number one in the charts was Elvis with ‘way down’, now the only other event I found of any importance in this month was the introduction of free family planning.

Now I wouldn't say Just was an ugly baby, but pat only had morning sickness after he was born.

He was a slightly slow starter as well, at playschool he was different from the other 5 year olds, he was 11.
I remember one day sitting in pizza hut, when the waiter asked if he would like his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces, Justin's reply was . . . . You better make it 4 because I'll never manage 8.

We have always been close, when we were young we would always be playing something driving our respective parents mad, I remember when Ghostbusters the film was at the cinema, we would be upstairs at Rich and Pat's with all the lights out jumping around like a couple of lunatics pretending to be catching ghosts, our equipment for this was a school backpack and a wire coat hanger each. Well I have a present,……….something you can play with later………………

Now comes the part of the speech where the embarrassing photo's come out,
I'm sure you will have noticed there are some numbered envelopes on your tables,

if you would all like to open envelope number 1,
This is a rare photo, Justin has always said he can never seem to get drunk, at one point he was going to the doctor he was so concerned. but all it took was a few drinks with Tude and Spence and you can see the end result for yourselves.

Now if you all open number 2………Justin has been accused in the past of talking too much, well in this photo he talked that much even his ass went to sleep

One of my last duties before I toast the happy couple is to read a few cards……

To Justin and Becky , hope you have a wonderful day, sorry we can't be there lots of love Charles Farkin, Mary Farkin ….and the whole Farkin family

I would like to say best of luck to the two of you , I really am absolutely delighted for both of you. I hope you have a long and happy future together.

And thank you Justin, it really has been a great honour to be your best man, you are more like a brother to me and Nev than a cousin.

It now gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses to the new Mr &amp Mrs Harris.. To Justin and Beccy

Thank you and enjoy the rest of the day.