Speech by Neil Maddocks

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Neil Maddocks
Speech Date: sept2004
Ladies and gentleman for those of you who don't know me my name is Neil, and I am Phil's best man, and I would like to begin my speech by congratulating the bridesmaids in what a fantastic job they have played today and how beautiful they all look, so thank you very much ladies!

Let me say its nice to see you all here, on this joyous occasion. I was actually expecting to see some of Phil's ex-girlfriends here, but Louise told me that due to the recent foot and mouth crisis, most of them have been shot or incinerated

In preparing for this speech, a wise old man told me that it should last no longer than the time it takes the groom to make love (pause)…

So thank you and goodnight!

I believe my main responsibilities for today was to ensure Phil arrives on time, sober, and looking good. Well 2 out of 3 isn't bad, after all im a best man not a plastic surgeon.

But seriously its always been a great ambition of mine to talk at an event like this about an outstanding gentleman of style, charisma, charm, and wit, Unfortunatly that day is yet to come as im here today to say a few words about our groom Phil.

Let me now give you the history of Phillip Williams, He was born on the 24th March 1984, which was the same day Lionel Richie started a 6 week stay at number 1 on the UK single chart with HELLO, the year Everton won the FA Cup, and their arch rivals Liverpool the champions of Division 1. It was also the year of the Los Angeles Olympic Games, and of course the historical birth date of Phillip Anthony Williams’. I first met phil at playschool and I would never forget first meeting him, let me paint a picture for you… it was my first day at playschool, I was a bit nervous, I wanted to make friends so what did I do!? Picked the chubby fella with his jumper tucked into his shellsuit bottoms, pulled up to his armpits. I thought to myself, this is a guy worth knowing, he's obviousally brave, confident, determined.. and well… judging by his appearence got a fantastic sense of humour.

Me and Phil did everything together as kids! We were like syomease twins, joined at the hips!
Believe it or not Phil did go to school, but it is fair to say he wasn't the sharpest pencil in the box . He even thought Alfred Hitchcock was a jockstrap!

I remember sitting In pizza hut with him one day when the waiter asked if he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces.…
He said… you better make it 4 because ill never manage 8.

Phil and l were memebers of the same sports clubs, went to the same schools, had the same computers, we even both support the best football team in the world VILLA!!! Yep we have shared a lot together including beds! But that was the morning after the stag night… saying that I didn't feel very welcome as the bed was a bit overcrowded with me, Phil and the blow up sheep! WELL… he is half welsh

While speaking to people about tonight I tried to gather some advice on what people thought were the ingredients of a successful marriage between Phil and Louise

heres a selection of what I was told.
– Phil, you must set out the ground rules and establish who's boss …then do whatever Louise says
– You should always remember the 5 rings:
• The Engagement ring,
• The Wedding ring,
• The Suffering,
• The Torturing…and
• The Enduring,

But all jokes aside, Phil is the most warm hearted, reliable and trustworthy person I know, he has always been there for me and after all these years I consider him like a brother, and am priviledged to call him my best mate. Phil deserves the very best and in Louise I feel he has found it, they both love and care for one another dearly and I can see this is a mariage that's gonna last forever!

On that note I would like to propose a toast to Phil and Louise, The bride and groom!