Speech by Neil Millar

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Neil Millar
Speech Date: Jun 2001
Introduction
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Neil and I'm Barry's lighter brother – sorry – little brother!

Its great being here today because after all the years I've known him, Barry has finally admitted that I am the Best Man.

Reply
Firstly, I should thank Barry on behalf of the bridesmaids for his kind words I think you will all agree that they have done a marvellous job today with the added bonus of looking beautiful.

General
This is however, a very emotional day, and even I'm feeling a bit choked up. Mainly from Barry's hands around my throat, threatening to finish the job if I stuff up.
Its so emotional, even the cake is in tiers. (Had to get that one in there, its traditional).

Shelley
I think we all agree that Shelley looks like one in a million today, and that Barry looks – well he looks like he was won in a raffle.

But – In Shelley I think you will agree, Barry found someone not only Gorgeous,
(k) But Intelligent.
(k) Sophisticated.
(k) Trustworthy.
(k) Organised
(k) and Fundamentally A Decent person.
And in return Shelley got – Well Shelley got Barry.

During my research I looked into the 3 key elements of a Wedding day and they are as follows:
The Aisle – it's the longest walk you'll ever take.
The Altar – the place where 2 become 1
The Hymn – the celebration of the marriage

I think Shelley may also have read the same book because as she took her place beside Barry today, I swear I heard her whispering "Aisle Altar Hymn, Aisle Altar Hymn"

But Apparently my main duty is to give you all an introduction to the groom, talking about the crazy Juvenile antics, the scrapes with, the boozy all-day sessions,the calming influence of the bride...

So we could all be here for quite a while if I was to revisit all of Barrys’ earlier years!

But it is good to see Barry relaxing and letting his hair down today.
For the past couple of years, it has been his hair – that's been letting him down!

Barry – Youngster

My first memory of Barry as a youngster was at his own birthday party – I remember asking my mum why my dad had been walking Barry up and down the back garden holding him up for the last hour?

To which my mum replied – Your brother ate a little bit too much cake son!

So if you see my dad later on with his arm around Barry doing a circuit of the gardens you will know what has happened!

Barry School
Unfortunately, being Barry's younger brother, I didn't pay attention to his schooling all that much, but I'm reliably told by my mum that he was an ideal pupil, who excelled in most subjects.

Sorry that should read: "He was an idle pupil, who was expelled from most subjects"!

Pre – University

After leaving school Barry embarked on a career within the bank

But decided that being a bank manager wasn't for him so he went to University to broaden his horizons and to study a topic that interested him – Geography
– so after getting his Geography degree from University Barry got a brand new job – back with the … bank! – it was a different bank though!
–
Although I am still convinced that it was just an excuse to have 3 years of off work whilst developing his taste for Guinness and Stella Artois!!!!!

At the age of 24 Barry quickly matured at University
– within his first couple of weeks hr broke his ankle within whilst having ‘piggy back’ races on the way home from the pub – hope you won the race Barry!

However I have heard that being on Crutches did have its advantages and improved Barrys dancing technique down the student Union!

I could embarrass Barry further by telling all the stories about previous girlfriends – but I wont – I don't think we all want to hear them and I don't think Shelley would appreciate it. But suffice to say – Barry – it looks like your lucky number was 56 after all!!!!

But if Barry hadn't gone to University he would never have met Shelley and we would not be sitting here today!

Barry & Shelley Meeting
Barry first met Shelley at University when he started copying essays from her – sorry I meant say Shelley helped Barry with his essays.

After some time Barry decided to ask Shelley out – however Shelley was away at the time – but this didn't deter Barry – he decided to write Shelley a letter for her to read on her return.
The only slight problem was that Barry needed a bit of Dutch courage – so after a heavy – Dutch courage inducing -session down the local pub Barry started writing the letter.

He started with a brand new pad of A4 writing paper – and after some early attempts – i.e. spelling her name right – Barry was down to the very last sheet of paper from the brand new pad – He finally managed to compose some sort of coherent letter to Shelley.

The next problem was posting it at Shelleys house!

Now you would have thought this would be a relatively easy affair – since Shelley lived on the same road as Barry, but Barry only new how to get there from the pub!

So off he trotted all the way down to the pub – once there he positioned himself outside the front door of the pub and got his bearings – he then proceeded to walk to Shelleys back exactly the way he had just come!!

He found Shelleys house and posted his letter.

Since then Barry & Shelley have been inseparable, living in Nottingham Utoxeter and now they have moved up in the world and moved to Northwich with their very own viaduct and canal – sorry river!!

Toasts & Conclusion
Shelley , before I finish , if I can offer one bit of advice :-

‘If you love something, set it free,
If it comes back , it was and will always be yours
If it never returns it was never yours to start with
If however, it drinks lots of lager and Guinness , needs constant looking after, is prone to the odd sulky mood and eats far too much cake then you'd be married to Barry!

More seriously though, Barry and Shelley,

You mean more to all of us here than We could ever say, it would be a huge understatement to say ‘ We wish you well in everything……… and I hope you both , Enjoy this day as the first day of the rest of your life together’

Ladies and gentleman please join me in Wishing Barry & Shelley the very best for their new life together. To Barry & Shelley.