Speech by Neil

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Neil
Speech Date: Aug 2001

For those that don't know me my name is Neil and been given the honour of being Richards best man, which unfortunatly for you lot means you have to listen to speech.
Or as I prefer to call it a series of embarresing stories about Rich.

I first met Rich when we started secondary school together, where I was immediately impressed by his inability to read English text books properly, and his excellent fighting skills. Which had been nicely honed through years of conflict with his brother, Rob.

And it was during these years that we learnt how to do the most important things in life, such as, smoking and drinking.

Unfortunately, not being in all the same classes as Rich, I didn't pay attention to his education. But Ive been reiliably told that he was an ideal pupil, who excelled in most subjects.
Oh rather – idle pupil expelled from most subjects!!

It is from these early foundations that Richards good reputation, and human skills have flourished. However when it comes to drinking beer, he still hasn't quite mastered it. During his roudy years, after school and before Kenda, Rich had a tendency to drink a few pints, then fall asleep while the evening was comparativly young, and Rich can fall asleep anywhere – but normally in the middle of the floor.
Now a few of us invented a game involving a sleeping rich which was remarkably similar to the kids game buck-a-roo. This involves hanging saddles, styrups, bags, etc on a plastic donkey until the weight becomes too much, the donkey kicks out and everything on its back comes flying off.
but substitiuted Rich for the donkey, and cigareete papers for styrups. The idea being to stick the papers to Rich's face without waking him up. Trust me, you did not want to be the person that woke him up!!!

But Rich couldnt be our play thing forever and he soon met Kenda. Now when Rich and Kenda where still in their early courting days, Rich came to me one Sunday morning, and said look at this – and his back was covered big red scratch marks. Now where on earth did they come from??? Well they actually came from Rich being drunk and falling through a mirror!!

Kenda , before I finish , if I can offer one bit of advice :-
‘If you love something, set it free,
If it comes back , it was and will always be yours
If it never returns it was never yours to start with
If however, it drinks lots of lager and whiskey , needs constant looking after, plays quake all day and eats far too much then you'd be married to Rich.

But seriously.. much as it grieves me to say it..
Rich you are an excellent friend and quake player and it has truly been an honour being your Bestman. Kend is a lovely person, she deserves a good husband , and it looks to me as if she has found one in you. I and everyone else here wishes you every success in the future. So if you can all pleae join me in a toast to the bride and groom.

To Rich and Kenda

Drink up.