Speech by Nick Anderson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Nick Anderson
Speech Date: Jul2007
Ladies and Gents, Boys and Girls please be upstanding to toast the Bride and Groom…..…
shuffle through cue cards

Sorry I'm very nervous today although i did sleep like a baby last night.I woke up every half hour crying for my Mum!

Right here goes………
Good afternoon Ladies and Gents,Boys and Girls, for those who don't know me I'm Nick, ******”s Best Man for this special day.

Firstly, on behalf of the Bridesmaids, ******* and *******. I'd like to thank ****** for his kind words.I have to say they look absolutely wonderful and have done an excellent job, not at least getting *** here on time. I believe she put up quite a struggle!

I think that you will all agree that *** looks fantastic today and the only one to outshine her is her beautiful daughter *****.

Can i also say a big thank you to everyone for coming and sharing ****** and ***”s special day and i hope you all enjoy the free food and drink!

It is a great honour and privilege for me to be ******”s best man today, although it is my first time so i thought i would research what it was all about.

The obvious place to look seemed to be the Internet, so i began looking and after a couple of hours i found some really good stuff, but then remembered i was supposed to be looking for best man tips!

Anyway let me tell you a little bit about ******.He was born on the **st ******** 1976 in which year the top selling single was Abba's Dancing Queen- so please make of that what you will!

I first really got to know ****** after we left school on an infamous holiday to Bude where copious amounts of alcohol were consumed, and some dodgy karaoke songs were sung. Strangely i do think ******”s favourite was Abba's Dancing Queen!

After leaving school ****** decided to work being the bars at Butlins where, by all accounts, there were very few sober nights.He has also had quite a few drunken nights and for those of us who have been on these nights will know they often end up either in the casino or a strip club.

One of ******”s other greatest passions is football and he is a very keen fan of Tottenham Hotspur which I'll never understand!Unfortunately for ******”s team mates his so called ”recurring ankle injury” lets him down on the pitch. Nevertheless he keeps his skills up playing on the PlayStation.
Speaking of football i thought I'd hand over my Dream Team winnings!

Anyway on returning to ******** from Butlins, ****** started working at *** which is where he met ***. He has moved through the company at a medium pace in more ways than one!

He now has a very successful career and has been described by his work colleagues as a ”first class banker” although i may have misheard them!

I was delighted to hear about ****** and ***”s engagement and truly believe she can make an honest man of him. She must be a very strong woman to put up with his snoring, hay fever, hair loss and weight gain!

Speaking of hair loss, i rang my Dad earlier this week and we got talking about the wedding.
He told me a story that his Father had told him just before he married my Mum.

When Grandad married my Grand mum, the first thing he did when he got home was to take off his trousers.

So anyway, he told her to put the on. When she did they were enormous on her and she told my Grandad she couldn't possibly wear them as they were too large.

So my old Grandad told her ”of course they're too big, i wear the trousers in this family and i always will.” And ever since that day my dear Grand parents never had a single problem.

And so my Dad took my Gran dad's advice and as soon as he and my Mum were alone after their wedding, my Dad did the same thing. He took off his trousers and told her to put them on. Mum said the same thing…they were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.

”Exactly” said my Dad ”I wear the trousers in this relationship and don't you forget it!” So Dad stands there all proud of himself when all of a sudden Mum takes off her knickers and hands them to my Dad.
”Try these on” Mum said. So Dad climbs into Mum's knickers but they're too small.
”I can't possibly get into your knickers” Dad said to Mum.
”Exactly Mum said, ”and if you don't change your attitude you never will!”

Moving swiftly on……i would now like to read out a few messages that have arrived.

Firstly from the hotel in Mexico where you will be spending your honeymoon:
Congratulations to you on your special day. We are
very much looking forward in making your honeymoon
a special and memorable one. And please be reassured
the recent outbreak of food poisoning has been resolved

To ******:
A loyal and valued customer, our very best wishes to you
and your Bride. Will you be renewing your subscription?
From Playboy magazine

To ***:
From all the lads at ******* FC 6-a-side football team,
”We've tried him in every position and he was useless,
we hope you have more luck!”

And finally:

To ****** and ***
Hope you have a wonderful day, sorry we can't be there.
Lots of love
Mr and Mrs Farkin…..… and the whole Farkin family.

Now on a serious note, i couldn't ask for a better friend than ******.He is a loving and proud father to ***** and i wish ****** and *** every happiness for their future together.

Now all that remains for me to say is may i ask everybody to stand with me and raise a glass to the Bride and Groom.