Speech by Nick Child

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Nick Child
Speech Date: Sep2004
&quot Thankyou Steve for those Awe inspiring words.

You know I've been thinking a long time about what to say today and I started by trying to put it into context how long it is since I met Steve. I could simply say I met Steve sixteen years ago, but it doesn't quite have the WOW factor that really emphasizes the length of time. I was really struggling until Steve himself unwittingly helped me out.

We were talking last week about the wedding preparations and Steve mentioned how Jill was bringing all the Bridesmaids around to the house and the hairdresser was coming to give them a trial run. Steve was getting kicked out of the house Not for the first time as well. I said to Steve that at least he didn't have to have a trial run a the barbers and it was at that point he uttered the fatal words. He said ”Oh ha ha I suppose that's going to go in your speech..you'll say…I've known Steve a long time ..even when he had hair.

Well!!! Thanks Steve . As they say straight from the horses mouth, exactly what I was after . I've known Steve since he had hair.

I can see a few astonished faces in the room, but it's true. When I first met Steve he was like a young Michael Jackson. I don't mean that he like the company chimpanzees, I know he doesn't sleep in an oxygen chamber and were all going to witness the fact later on that he can't dance like Michael Jackson. So what do I mean? Well he had a large Afro thing going on. Not really an Afro but a huge perm that rose above his head.

So this got me wondering. What can have caused Steve to turn from Michael Jackson into as you see him now…Phil Collins? What are the main causes of hair loss?

Well first threes AGING…Steve is no spring chicken but then I've known Ian Usher just as long as Steve and he's still got hair. Even Barry Grooms Dad has got a little more hair than Steve so I discounted Aging.

Secondly there's illness. Sickness can cause you to lose your hair, but as long as I have known Steve he's never been ill. True there was the time he got so surnburnt he spent two days of his holiday laying a bath of cold water, but it's not enough to cause your hair to fall out.

So that leaves STRESS. I tried to think of some amusing or stressful situation that Steve had been the brunt of that would cause him to lose his hair….Well I thought and I pondered but you know.. As long as I have known Steve he as always come out on top. In fact he's always been a winner.

A few examples. We've been quite competitive me and Steve . So competitive than we once had a raging argument about whether you could re@use a triple word score once it is covered in a game of scrabble. Turn and shout at the groom YOU STILL CANT RE_USE IT. Sorry I had to get that off my chest.

We also played a lot of snooker together and remember this is a time when we had such greats as Hurricane Higgins and Whirlwind White. Well such was my prowess on the green beize that Steve nicknamed me Slight Breeze Child. Obviously you can imagine with a name like that Steve always won.

We would also play Golf and my handicap is 17 but Steve's is 6 so guess who won. Come to think of it though it was Steve who taught me to play……Hmmmm No wonder I've got a dodgy swing.

So like I've said Steve is a winner, but there was one thing that people would say that I would win. That was that I would be to first to get married. Well he's only gone and beaten me again my 6 Weeks.

But when it comes to women we are both winners as I hit the jackpot when I met Vicky and …don't take this the wrong way as Jill Bride is not that type of girl but the night Steve and Jill met I think there was a RollOver.

I've no known Jill as Long as I have known Steve , which is evident by the fact that she still has all her hair however I've noticed Jill is every much a winner as Steve. In fact we have been to numerous parties together and I have noticed Jill is always first. Not first to the party …but first to open a new bottle of wine.

Now Steve may not have much hair on his head but with such a winning combination as Steve and Jill I can only for see lots of Heirs to their dynasty. So please be upstanding and join me in a toast to the Bride and Groom.&quot