Speech by Nick & Simon

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Nick & Simon
Speech Date: Oct 2001
Congrats to the newly wed couple Bride looks extremely beautiful……….and Matthew, you look radiant as well……..although I'm not happy you copied my outfit.

Myself and Simon have had the pleasure of knowing Matthew for most of our lives. We went to school together, played football and rugby together…………basically we have grown up together. ……3rd twin! We'll talk a little about this later.I always remember how Matthew asked me to be best man – he told me ‘how would you like to stand up in front of 100 people and be a gibbering/stuttering wreck?’ I must admit I was a little nervous about making a speech today, so I prepared a few lines…….& having snorted them I feel absolutely fine!Another bit of advice I read to combat nerves was to just stand up there, take a deep breath, smile, then try & picture everyone naked! – wish I hadn't had my dinner now!

The main duty of the best man is to thank the groom, on behalf of the bridesmaids for his toast. We would like to say thank you Matthew on behalf of the bridesmaids,……..… the bridesmaids looked wonderful & I'm sure they all enjoyed themselves Not going to bore you with loads of thank you's , just one special thank you to Natalie's & Matthews family for putting together this wonderful reception…………..and also to thank the ushers for helping us with all our hard work today.They say the best man's speech should last about as long as it takes him to do his manly duty in bed…….… So that's us finished (both sit down)

It's traditional for best men to talk a little about the groom, Matthew, or Wally as he's known to us. As I mentioned before, myself and Simon grew up with Matthew. Didn't know him when he was a very young child however he was born 28 years ago today – Happy Birthday Matthew…..I'm sure Natalie is the nest present he could ever of wished for.Wal was born September 1st 1973 at a hospital in Aylesbury where I understand he came prematurely…….so there is no change there! Obviously from looking at him you can tell he was an ugly baby – but apparently he was so ugly that when he was born the midwife slapped his parents!We tried to find some embarrassing photos of him when he was a young boy to bring along today, and we found one where he was naked but we couldn't find a photo shop that could blow it up big enough so that you could actually see anything.Growing up together – we were wonderful charming children, always sensible and never in trouble, ask Leslie & Mike (Grooms parents) – never mischievous or misleading and never got drunk…..b***ocks!

If we could sum up Matthew in a few words, they would be· (N) Connoisseur, he enjoys his food and most of all his wine;· (S) He can be a little bit of a coward, whenever there has been any trouble he's ran away and no-where to be seen – When I was working abroad last year & they came to visit, like a true friend Wal filled a suitcase with wine, but made Natalie carry them through customs after he'd passed through!· (N) Those of you who know Matthew know he is modest, we've watched Matthew grow from being a confident, modest little boy into a confident, cocky man.

Matthew has grown up in Wales and he's now married a beautiful Welsh woman.Welsh men are generally associated with a number of things. They are associated with coal mining, rugby, singing, but also with their love and abuse of sheep………..… Apparently, the number of men in Wales getting married this year has increased by 20% following the outbreak of foot and mouth disease………….… Natalie certainly seems to be smiling a lot recently!

It's traditional for the best man to offer a few words of advice to the newly wed couple:· Natalie – Remember men are like fine wine, they start out like grapes, and it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with;· On the other hand Matthew, women are also like fine wine – they start out fresh, fruity & intoxicating to the mind, but treat them well otherwise with age they go sour & vinegary & give you a headache.
Telegrams·

Two serious one's from family or good friends who could not make it;·

Natalie, we've tried Matthew in every position & he's useless in all of them – hope you have better luck than us – boys from the rugby club.·

Math & Nat, sorry we couldn't be with you – you've had 4 years to plan for this wedding & you had to choose the day England play Germany….you muppets! – boys from the football club.

We would like to thank Matthew and Natalie for asking us to be the best men, it's been a great honour.Matthew your a very lucky man – I've known Natalie for a long time now, she's very beautiful, a bubbly personality, very kind, great fun & always has a fantastic smile on her face. Natalie I know you'll make Matthew very happy.
Matthew, the third twin,…..… its been a privilege being best men and its been an even bigger privilege growing up with you. You're a great man and a great friend, …………..and Natalie you're a very lucky woman.

Toast bride & groom: I ask you all to rise and drink a toast to the bride and groom…………….… Matthew and Natalie, on behalf of everyone, may we sincerely wish you eternal love, happiness and a wonderful life together ………………………Ladies and Gentleman…………….… to Natalie and Matthew.