Speech by Nigel Deane

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Nigel Deane
Speech Date: Mar 2002
For those who don't know me, my name is Nigel, Roger's brother.

I would like to start by thanking everyone on behalf of the bride and groom for being here and sharing their special day.
Personally I wish you'd all stayed at home and made my day less nerve wracking and allowing me to be at Twickenham for the Rugby! In fact Ruth must have one hell of a hold over Rog, arranging the Wedding on Match Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like I said…… I really was nervous about making a speech today, so I prepared a few lines – and having snorted them, I feel absolutely fine!! (That's the Rock n Roll bit covered)

Someone once said that being asked to be a best man is like being asked to sleep with the queen mother – it's a great honour but nobody wants to do it!! And anyway, the Queen Mother was busy today so here I am.

Actually, its great being here today because after all the years I've known him, Roger has finally admitted that I am the Best Man.

As the Best Man, I have had to ensure that the groom arrives on time, sober and smart, well 2 out of 3 isn't too bad. After all look what I have had to work with, I'm the best man – not a magician., anyway, Rog says however that if I do a good job today he'll pay me back the £5 he has owed me from 1982 ( I found the IOU last week)!!

So, starting from the beginning, Roger was born at a very early age. He was born in London on June 12th 1959, — in fact he was so surprised by his birth, he was speechless for about a year and a half.

It took a while for us to bond. It might of helped if he wasn't such an odd looking bloke, I'm not saying he was ugly but Mother told me she used to have to put a bone round his neck so the dog would play with him.

I asked Father if he had any cute photos of Rog that I could show today. There was this really sweet one of him lying naked on a sheepskin rug eating a chocolate biscuit…..… I was going to have it blown up to show you today, but then I thought it might be too embarrassing because it was only taken last year.

Roger grew up eventually and attended various schools around the country. I am told he was an ideal pupil, who excelled in most subjects. Sorry that should have read: "he was an idle pupil, who was expelled from most subjects"

In fact last week whilst at home in Nottingham I dug out his last report. Tony Maltby, the Head said and I quote….… “I am convinced that Woger will go far, and the sooner he's far away from us the better….” And so he took that advice literally and he joined the Navy..…

Anyway moving swiftly on…………….…

The happy couple. Ruth looks absolutely stunning today. Rog, you look like you always do.… Third prize in a raffle. No seriously, you've scrubbed up quite nicely, though I am not too pleased about you copying my outfit– obviously couldn't handle the competition.

Isn't it funny how history repeats itself. Only 28 years ago Ruth's parents were sending her to bed with a dummy – and here we are again today!!

Everybody here knows Roger in a different way. He's a father, a loving son, a friend, a confidante – an all round pain in the arse. I have also known many actually compare him to God, they note that he's rarely seen, is holier than thou and if he does any work it's a miracle.

Before I make the toast, I have a few words of wisdom I'd like to pass on.

To Roger:
Its always very important to get on with your Mother in Law. I didn't speak to mine for the first year of my marriage. It wasn't that I didn't like her – I was just too polite to interrupt.

To Ruth:
If you love something, set it free,
If it comes back, it was, and always will be, yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with,
If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses the telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.

Roger, Ruth, the last 2 years have not been the best for any of us, I can see that you both are very happy together, I know I speak for everyone here in wishing you both sincere happiness and plain sailing from here.

Please everyone join me in toasting the health and happiness of the Bride and Groom – Roger and Ruth.

Read Cards
I do have a couple of telegrams to read out, from some people who unfortunately couldn't be with us today.