Speech by Oliver Robinson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Oliver Robinson
Speech Date: May2007
Intro:-

For those of you who don't know me, and those of you who WERE on the stag do I am Oli…And I have the honour of being Jays best man.

I'll get it out of the way at the start, I'm probably the only best man not to go on the grooms stag do!! But as I'd dislocate my shoulder and just come out of surgery it wasn't possible to go, however, the lads took great pleasure in keeping me updated texting photos to me to let me know what an awful time they were having without me.

Today is my first experience of public speaking, and so, whether you're laughing WITH me, or even AT me, as long as you're enjoying yourself I don't mind, and I'm pretty nervous so you'll have to forgive me if I take the Gareth Gates approach to public speaking!….but I feel a bit comforted by the fact I have actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience at the local old peoples home, I think it went down ok..… Well, they all pissed themselves anyway.

Thank you's:-
I would like to start by thanking Jay for his kind words on behalf of our lovely bridesmaid Jessica I'm sure you will agree she has carried out her role superbly, I would also like to thank the ushers John, Jason, Jan, Arnie &amp Graham…….well, for at least turning up sober.

Seriously though as for the happy couple I'm sure you'll all agree that Nina is looking fabulous today in such a beautiful dress….… and Jay, well he scrubs up ok doesn't he!

History:-
I've known Jay since we were about 4, however, I think we became best friends some 22 years ago, when at the age of 6 both of our parents decided we obviously needed a bit of toughening up and one sunny September Sunday morning we both found ourselves at DK and our first rugby training session.

From then on we been pretty close friends from attending swimming lessons, karate lessons, playing rugby to becoming teenagers, growing our hair long and going to music festivals and going on the odd lads holiday.

As you can imagine, being best friends for such a long time there are quite a few stories I could tell about Jay, however, many of which incriminate Jay also incriminate me and most are obviously inappropriate to talk about in front of the new in laws!!… But I'll give it a go.

Story 1:-
As I mentioned we have played rugby together from a young age and there was a bit of a friendly rivalry, a competitive streak between us. And where as I am a veteran of three county trials with, unfortunately, no success, Jay obviously had a lucky day and made the team. Now, you would have thought this would be a time to be proud, however, I've never quite seen him as embarrassed as when one of the teachers asked him to stand up in assembly in front of the whole school to be congratulated on being the best HOOKER in the county!!

Story 2:-
Those of you that know Jay will be aware that he is susceptible to the odd injury:-

Like the time we were playing rounders over wall heath park with my sister and some of her friends, Jay decided the best place to stand would directly behind the batsman. The batsman played his shot and after hitting the ball they threw the bat away which flew through the air and ended up flying off Jays head causing blood to poor out and those of you that know Jay know that and the sight of blood, especially his own, he would have definitely fainted!!

Story 3:-
…and a few years later in that very same park no more than 20 meters away a group of us where playing football, now, I guess you'll all of heard of the footballer Johan Cruyff and his invention of Cruyff turn a masterpiece in footballing skill by a true genius, well, on this day Jay invented the Rousell turn which involved standing on the football falling over..… and breaking his leg!!!

Story 4:-
Moving on in time, Jay studied law at Swansea University and during his course had to spend a year in America. And I cant give a speech on Jay and not mention that as a 20 year old veteran of going round all the pubs in Kingswinford Jay was enjoying himself at a house party in the states which was rudely interrupted by a raid by the police. Now, you have to be 21 to drink alcohol in America, and Jay being 20 was under age. So, America being America Jay got away with a slap on the wrists….and had to attend 6 alcohol counselling sessions….Good to see they've paid off!!

Story 5:-
Jay has never been one to shy away from a task, or a title, as long as it looks good on the CV. This can be highlighted best in his current position as an upstanding citizen on the patient panel at the moss grove surgery, where he is responsible for taking the minutes of the meeting, however, I understand that his mom has had to type up the minutes on more than one occasion!! And in our last year at school where he proudly became Deputy Head Boy, I can assure you all the lads were extremely respectful and never took the piss!! Mind you it's probably this and his hard work ethic that's enabled him to become a solicitor, for which I know all of his family are very proud.

Drunken nights:-
I've written down here the heading DRUNKEN NIGHTS now I could stand here and embarrass him for most of the night, I just don't have the time. So I'll just read out the sub headings I've written down and I'm sure if you buy Jay a drink at the bar later he'd be happy to fill you in on the details!!

Managing to nearly blind himself by getting chilli powder in his eye in a drunken state at a house party
Being so drunk after a night out in Liverpool he tried to wear a jumper as a pair of trousers
The Tabasco sauce downing competition in Majorca, all in aid of winning another cocktail!!
And finally, getting home so drunk from my sisters 21st birthday he mistook a chest of drawers for the toilet and ended up pissing over all of his clothes….and his own passport!!
Nina:-
Now to how the happy couple met. As I remember it Jay made a lasting impression on his future bride on their first meeting. Apparently it was a completely forgettable night at Cheeky Monkey in Wolverhampton, Jay having clapped eyes on this beautiful blonde girl proceeded to try and chat her up, soon realising that Nina's accent was not the usual black country drawl Jay set about trying to impress with his best GCSE German. At the end of the night Nina's friends decided they had the measure of Jay and tried to pull her away from this drunken fool, Jay, in no fit state to remember his mobile number, managed to pass Nina a business card. Not a bad move you may think. However, this was not Jays business card, no, this was a card for his moms shop, Jenny's Kitchen, and told Nina to call and leave a message and he'd call her back. Now Nina is a clever girl and unsurprisingly, decided against calling him. However, fate is a funny thing and about 6 weeks later another drunken night up Wolverhampton and walking between bars Jay walked round the corner and quite literally bumped into Nina, and the rest as they say is history.

On a more serious note. Jay, we have had some brilliant times together with all the lads and I know that we will continue to do so in the future. You have been a great friend to me over the years, and with such a big group of great friends it is a real honour for you to choose me as your best man.

Toast:-
Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to finish up by inviting you all to stand with me and raise your glasses in a toast to James &amp Nina, the new Mr and Mrs ROWSELL, sorry, Rousell.