Speech by Patrick Ford

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Patrick Ford
Speech Date: oct 2004
Boa Vinda: (Portuguese for Welcome)

I was watching a documentary about Abba the other night and it set me thinking about parallels with my good friend Graeme, here. The band projected, on the one side an up beat, soft, blonde and curiously cuddly; kind of person; the kind you would want to take home to meet your mother, but also a darker more mysterious side where in lie a few closely guarded skeletons, given only limited publicity; how even now this 70’s Icon has stood the test of time, still endures and has great popular following; how the fashion sense leaves a hell of a lot to be desired, is highly questionable and very kitsch; how as in the Music there is always an upbeat feel but often we have little or no idea what the blazes they are on about; how, as the music appeals to such a wide audience both young and old, I see in Graeme a boyish charm who's asking you if you want to play (on his terms) but also the wise old man whose got it all sewn up and sorted. How, when listening to Graeme in conversation sometimes a mist would descend over me as I lose track of the plot!

Graeme has always had, I think most who know him would agree, a somewhat effeminate side. This should be taken the positive way, it means that he is in touch with his female side, a very modern approach, something a lot of us guys should think about! SING: Dancing Queen, young and sweet..… only 17

He demonstrated, from a very early age, a good command of English expletives, and more worryingly a keen hand for housekeeping, as his mother Jean will testify. Graeme, at the age of 2 ½, could sometimes be found vacuuming the house, muttering the word BUGGER, BUGGER, BUGGER in frustration at sometime or other. (A prelude to his professional housekeeping duties!) Graeme's Mum would also find his early defiance to authority only equalled by a wooden spoon, something I believe Graeme should remember quite well.

This keen desire for order continued thru his childhood and Public School, where he developed a strong sense of independence. At Catering College, his Tutor, Mr Sunshine, I am reliably informed, recalled how Graeme demonstrated an early aptitude for calling the shots, taking control and telling his tutor how food should be cooked, as this was the it was done at home! SING: What's the name of game, does it mean anything to you, tell me now cos’ I have to know….). And so the stage was set for Graeme's meteoric rise to catering stardom and the bright lights of London, SING: I have dream, a fantasy, to help me thru reality, and my destination makes it worth while, pushing thru the darkness, still another mile……

Enter stage left… ME! The Company we both worked for was the stage upon which our relationship began. It took a while but, we found over time how our lives, in some ways, have had parallels, a connection with the north, mine thru Family, Graeme's thru Coronation Street and Brookside , a general disenchantment with Public School, Family involved in Catering, and more recently in our lives the love of an exotic foreign woman You could say that now Graeme has finally met his Waterloo SING: Waterloo, I was defeated you won war
Waterloo, Promise to love you for evermore

In 1997 I left The Company to pursue new challenges. Graeme did the same in 1998 did much the same pursuing his own goals branching out further into the property market and moving to The South Coast
Enter stage right: CLARICE (said using dark voice) SING: Gimme Gimme Gimme a man after midnight, won't somebody help me chase the shadows away.
I can recall how Graeme talked about this lady he had met thru his work at the New Establishment and how he was very optimistic about the future! SING: Take chance on me I'm the first line, honey I'm still free, take chance on me.
The rest, as we all know, is History a new chapter is beginning in their lives, SING: the money, money, money, must be funny, living in rich man's world.

The situation could not be better and as we all know Clarice and Graeme have both said the words, SING: I do… I do I do I do I do.…

Clarice made a few points clear to me beforehand in an email as to my Best man duties.
Don't get drunk
Don't sing….oops forgot that one
Don't let Graeme sing.
Don't mention Graeme's little problem!
Don't let Graeme drink lge G+t's
Don't let Graeme get drunk

Well.… I have tried my best as only a man can do. But I know Graeme is a really happy drinker- always laughing and shaking hands….even when he is on his own! One thing you can say about Graeme.. he is loyal.. When he was little he used to go out for long walks with his Mother.. but he never once looked at another Mother!

On a more respectful note I would like to say that it is truly a privilege to be here as you Best Man and to be able to say a few words in fun but to express how I value you friendship. After all, occasions like this are for the people who we want in our lives. Graeme is a good and loyal friend and has found a real soul mate and fellow Pussycat with whom to share this life. You have all been very patient and kind but there is One final thing I would like you to do for me Clarice and Graeme. Clarice please put your hand on the table and Graeme if you would put your hand on top of hers. Now I want you to saver this moment Graeme because, my friend it is the last time you will ever have the upper hand! HAND THE CARPET BASHER TO CLARICE

To Clarice: Maio seu amor seja moderno bastante sebreviver para sempre os tempo e veho Formado bastante ao ultimo
A voce felicidade futura
To your future Happiness

Loosely translated this means: May your love be modern enough to survive the times and old fashioned enough to last forever

Finally I would like to SING: Thank you for the Music for giving it to me! HAND THEM THE CD