Speech by Paul Cope

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Cope
Speech Date: oct 2004
WEDDING SPEECH

I won't keep you long – I know you've all been standing a while, and anyway I was told that a Best Mans speech should be no longer than it takes the groom to make love. Look at watch.

I'm already running late.

BRIDESMAIDS

Firstly I must thank Mike for his kind words about the bridesmaids and also the gifts. You look great and have done a brilliant job looking after Merie today.

I must also thank Jonathon for his help – I tried to persuade himto do this speech but he wouldn't have it. And also Pepe for his speech – you're a real credit to your Mum.

And Merie – what can I say – you look fantastic – but what on earth do you see in Mike.

MICKEY MOUSE

I checked to see if anything significant happened on Mike's birthdate. It was an important date for another Mickey – Mickey Mouse made his screen debut on the same date a few years earlier.
I know you're all expecting me to make a jibe about a height similarity between them – that would be cheap – anyway I checked and the Mouse is a lot taller.

One thing Mike's not short on is fitness

LONG MYND

and along with this has a competitive, determined streak. However this hasn't always been the case.
The Long Mynd 50 mile hike is an event you have to complete in under 24 hours and navigate along the way.

When a group of us decided to enter this event I thought that if anyone's got the fitness for this it's Mike.
I hadn't accounted for his extremely low pain threshold.
All was going well until the 38 mile point, having a quick cup of tea, when Mike suddenly announced he was pulling out.

The rest of us were all surprised wondering whether it was a fracture or trenchfoot (it had rained all day) that had got the better of him.
You need to bear in mind that this is an event for Hard Men – Firemen, soldiers, even rumoured some SAS enter.

(MIKES MUM PITCHES IN) In fact Mike's mum has also done it.

I've got a blister he announces. (SAID IN A GEEKY VOICE)

Now can you imagine Paula Radcliffe 19 miles into the 26 miles of the marathon on her way to a record pulling out for a blister – I think not.

Anyway that failure really stuck with him, and this really illustrates the determination of Mike, he then went on to complete the event for the next ten years in a row. The weather was exceptionally good in all those years though.

AD LIB – Just for the record I did actually finish it – along with Jase.

LINK
As well as Mike's fitness and determination one of Mikes main character traits is how infuriatingly organised he is.

One of the Best Mans main duties is the arranging of the Stag Do.
In fact it was the first thing Mike mentioned when he asked me to be Best Man – can you sort out the Stag Do, we need to make sure it's all organised. Yep it will be my pleasure I'll get straight onto it I thought – with all kinds of grand plans as to where to go.

AD LIB – maybe Amsterdam for the weekend, Barcelona – not just me and Mike by the way; a group of us! Perhaps Dublin

He then say's – Well actually I've already started to do a few bits. Surprise.

What bits I asked.

Well I've thought of a place to go – Peak District, I've decided which weekend we're going, I've booked the accommodation for everybody and I've printed out the invites!
As you can see it was a struggle but I managed to organise the Stag Do.

Seriously though, these organisational qualities do come in handy. I don't think many people would have been able to arrange a different venue for the Reception at such late notice – especially on the run up to Christmas.

LINK – I guess these organisational qualities have been one of the factors in Mikes’ success as a teacher.

MATHS BLOCK

However Mike's recent promotion does concern me.

He is now Director of Sport – well that's what he told me AD LIB

A few years ago, when we were at school, Mike was in the Maths Block going to his next lesson with his other friend (for reasons of confidentiality I shall refer to as Craig Harrison).

There was a bit of building work going on at the time and the two of them happened upon an electric cable which hadn't been boxed in.

Now most people wouldn't give it a second thought and as a future responsible teacher you would have thought Mike would be the same. But no, the two of them cut through this cable plunging the whole of the Maths Block into darkness, all the lessons had to be cancelled and big investigations took place.

This is where Mike's interest in running began – they legged it.

As you can imagine big investigations took place to try and find the culprits, all the lessons were delayed as well as the obvious criminal damage but they were never caught.

Mike later said that that he hadn't realised it was a live cable – there was a bit of a clue in the fact that the lights were on.

They were lucky not to get hurt themselves – though thinking about it, it was probably the same day that Mike stopped growing. He used to be as tall as me.

Incredibly Mike as I mentioned has since gone into the teaching profession starting as a Games Teacher, but has recently been promoted to Director of Sport. In this new job he now finds himself based back in the same school and unbelievably his office is in the very same Maths Block.

Merie, I think you need to be checking him for any sharp objects and cutting implements before he leaves for school. I don't think his getting the job there is a coincidence – he's going to do the job properly this time.

Well he's done it once hasn't he and who would suspect the teacher.

It was while working at his previous school that Mike and Merie met.

The moment I knew it was serious with Merie and Mike was when he turned up to a wedding in a new suit.

Mike was famous for having a really bad suit – 10 years ago Mike's suit was still 20 years out of date. It was lovely M&S wool number with tie to match.
In fact the same was true of his whole wardrobe, basically he was too tight to buy anything new.

In a matter of what seemed like weeks Merie managed to drag Mike into the 21st century, he even has a posh hairdo and even now uses shampoo.

In fact I even noticed when we were getting ready today that he now even uses something called fibre putty for his hair – I thought that was for windows. AD LIB

So thank you Merie – when we go out for beer people don't now ask us where our collection box is for our poor mate.

TELEGRAMS;

I've got a few cards & telegrams from people who haven't been able to make it;

Read out Mike's brothers’ telegram (Dave) – couldn't make it because he lives in New Zealand. Feeble excuse; I've travelled all the way from Malvern.

I'm just bitter – if he was here I wouldn't have to be standing in front of you lot.

REQUEST FROM BRIDE Must also thank Lorraine for coming all the way from Ireland – made more effort than Dave. (AD LIB)

Here's one from Mikes Hockey captain at Droitwich;

We've tried Mike in every position and always found him to be useless- Hope you have more luck Merie.

Mike, love your suit, your sense of fashion has been an inspiration to me – H from Steps.

Beatles quotes;

As Merie is a great fan of the Beatles I thought I would dig out a quote fitting for the occasion. I couldn't find anything romantic so you'll have to settle for this;

As usual there is a great woman behind every idiot – John Lennon

Finally I would just like to say – you're both great friends (hopefully we still are) and I wish you all the best for what I am sure will be a very happy future together.

TOAST

Now all that remains is for me to propose a toast to the happy couple.
So if you would like to charge your glasses,

The Bride & Groom