Speech by Paul Durkin

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Durkin
Speech Date: nov 2004
Good afternoon ladies & gentlemen. Thank you all for coming to celebrate the marriage of Lee & Laura here today. A wise man once told me that the Best Man's speech should last as long as the Groom makes love… thank you ladies & gentlemen & have a good day. (Sit down for a couple of seconds then stand)

I'll introduce myself for those of you who are fortunate not to know me. My name is Paul & Lee gave me the honour of being his best man. My full name is “Paul – would you like a pint?” so I if you see me at the bar later on I would appreciate it if you used my full name.

I'll try to keep this short, sweet & painless for us all.

I'd like to start my speech by thanking the bridesmaids & page boys who look gorgeous & to Lee & Laura's family for their hard work & effort to make today happen. I also would like to say that Laura looks beautiful as you will agree. Lee, you have married Laura today and she is smart, funny, loving, considerate & caring. She really deserves a good husband so thank god she married you before she found one.

In fulfilling my duties as Best Man, I had a number of jobs to do. Firstly I had to make sure Lee got a good night's sleep on his last night of freedom. I can report now that he slept like a baby … waking up every hour crying for his bottle & his mum. I also had to make sure Lee got the church in one piece, sober & on time to get married which so far has been a success.

Well, what do we know about Lee? He was born in 1977, the same year Elvis died & the movie Star Wars was released. Looking at him now, it's hard to believe Lee was an ugly baby. In fact I'm told that his mam Gloria didn't start morning sickness until after he was born. He attended Cowgate Primary after nursery the he went onto Blakelaw Comprehensive School. I believe Lee was a good athlete & quite a keen sportsman although after speaking to his PE Teacher he wouldn't recommend him for the football team. He commented Lee was useless in every position so let's hope Laura has more luck!

Since leaving school, Lee has tried his hand at a number of jobs. He has worked in variety of different areas from a travel agent to a catering assistant. I also believe he tried his hand at an Office Stationary salesman but that didn't last very long due to the company sending him to the worst pub in Walker to sell fountain pens & tippex. Lee didn't think career path was safe for his health. He currently works for the NHS as a cook.
I've known Lee pretty much all of my life & we've always had a good friendship but he was never the sharpest tool in the box. I remember taking him to his first football match at St. James Park when he was only 12. I can also remember him asking who was playing.
“Plymouth” I replied.
“Who else?” said Lee!!!

I have also seen Lee go through a wide selection of hair cuts ranging from his perm which made him look like Lionel Ritchie to the dyed black look which was quite gothic looking & he was a ringer for Marc Almond from Soft Cell.

I've also had the pleasure off spending a couple of weeks on holiday with Mr Thornton. We've had a couple of trips to USA and he still holds the record off skateboarding into a 12ft deep swimming pool, fully clothed, and wearing a shower cap. I also had the pleasure of hearing him sing at a karaoke pub which was an eye opener. He sung I Feel Fine by the Beetles. I tell you for nothing now that I & the rest of the pub did not feel fine after he was finished!

I believe Lee & Laura have been together for about 2 ½ years now & you'll agree with me when I say they are perfectly suited for one & other.
Words of wisdom for Lee
Remember the 5 rings; the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering, the torturing, and the enduring.
There are three words you must never forget, ‘You're right dear’.

CARDS
Serious card first:
From the Hyatt Hotel, Anaheim, California
Congratulations to you both on this day. We very much look forward to making your honeymoon a special and memorable one. Please do not worry if there is some delay when you arrive. We are putting something on for you…..the roof.
Serious Card
To Lee: ‘We could have made a great couple’, Love George Michael
Serious cards x 5

All joking aside, I want to thank Lee for asking me to be his Best man today. I've known him since he was this high so we've practically grown up together. He's a top bloke with a heart of gold whom anyone who knows him will agree & I think Laura is getting a husband who is one in a million.
On a final note I would like to take this opportunity to wish Lee and Laura all the health happiness and success in the world and Ladies and Gentlemen I would ask you all to raise your glasses in a toast to the new Mr and Mrs Thornton …… Lee & Laura.