Speech by Paul Eyton

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Eyton
Speech Date: sep 2002
Firstly I would like to read some cards out from people who were unable to make this auspicious occasion.
On behalf of the bridesmaids, I'd like to thank Andy for his kind words, and I have to say they look absolutely smashing and have done an excellent job today….…
As for the ushers, well-done you managed to turn up……………
I would also like to thank everyone for coming today, to share this special occasion with Andy and Kim. I know it means a lot to them, particularly those who have travelled long distances.
I'm sure you'll all admit this has turned out to be a brilliant wedding celebration, But yet every silver-lining does have a cloud, and that is, you've all got to listen to me, sorry.
Well, when I was asked to be the best man is was like being asked to make love to the Queen !…………… it's a great honour but nobody wants to do it…
But it is customary on these occasions, that I get the chance to take the mickey out of Andy in front of lots of people, so I figured it would most definitely be worth it and I agreed to be Andy's best man.
As Best man I'm sure you'll agree that my first duty, of getting Andy to the church, sober, on time and eventually married was a complete success.
Other duties I have completed successfully were to Ensure that Andy:
A Been to the toilet before walking down the isle
B Make sure his shoes laces are tied
C Make sure his face is washed and hair is combed …………….…
D Make sure nothing is between his teeth
Mmmm… Perhaps his mum should have been best man.
What can I say about Andy…I've been friends with him for about 16 years. He's handsome, intelligent, and witty………OOPS! SORRY WRONG WEDDING! Just Kidding
Well Andy couldn't live the single life forever and one balmy January evening 4 years ago evening he met the woman of his dreams………, then A little time after that he met Kim..… Just kidding
Andy, Kim's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one!…………
Seriously though Andy, you are a lucky groom, you've got her. She's beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring.
And Kim, well you've got…………..Andy.
Anyway I thought it would be a good idea to seek good advice from veterans of the marriage brigade to pass on to Andy. In the hope that some advice and comments will help him as time goes on.
I collected these from married men over the last few weeks. I shall not reveal these Men's names for fear of their wives!
1st Man said ,There are more than 3 rings to a marriage… what about the suffeRing, …….the enduRing ………and the tortuRing!
2nd Man said , Love is blind…… But marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
3rd Man said, Always tell her those 3 little words..… "You're right dear".
4th Man said Marriage is expensive… I'm still paying for it 22 years later.
And the 5th Man said Always give the wife 3 months notice if you want to go down the pub with the blokes..… and make sure you get it in writing.
Thank God for that it's almost over and I hope you all enjoy yourselves this evening and if you have been entertained by this speech please show your gratitude this evening at the bar …… Mine's a pint of Guinness.
Could you all please stand now and join me in a toast
Andy you are an excellent friend and it's been an honour to be your best man. I wish you and Kim all the very best for the future.
If everyone could now join me in a toast to Andrew and Kim. Congratulations!!!