Speech by Paul Faulkner

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Faulkner
Speech Date: Jul2007
Firstly I would like to thank Reena and Eric for their readings and to the ushers Dave and Paul – great job guys.

It was a great honour to be asked by Neel to be his best man on this important day in his life. I wanted to do the job justice so I decided some research was needed.

I discovered that my speech should involve some humorous stories at the groom's expense, well character assassination really.

I once went to a wedding where the best man stood up and explained how the groom – being a man who had led a pure and quiet life – had given him very little juicy material to fill his best man's speech with.

Well the good news is, that is not the case for Neel..… the bad news is that I have so much material we could be here for some time.

Of course I am only kidding……….… I do have plenty of material but 90% of it's not fit for public consumption – for example

There was the fight with the Orangutan
The incident with the goat
and who can forget the ”special recipe” pancake he once made …

Now I know a lot of people here are probably wondering just what does Fran see in Neel?

Well I have known him a long time and to be fair….I don't know either!

It could be Neel's dedication to his work.

I first met Neel when he had switched to yet another career since leaving University just 6 months earlier.

In that time he started as an Accountant

He then went on to be the following

An IT recruitment consultant
A Foreign language teacher to English students
An English language teacher to foreign students
A Maths Teacher
A Drugs mule

And of course back again to being an Accountant
– even that may have changed since I started this speech.

So to get back to the question, just what does Fran see in Neel… probably not the dedication to work then … maybe dedication to his pastimes ?

Well he's had the fancy golf kit – now lying idly in the garage
Then there was the Pro-Tennis equipment – they were put up on Ebay after about a couple of months.

His love for DIY ? – Anyone who spends 2 months painting a skirting board must be dedicated

There was singing as part of a choir – but the professions there just weren't up to scratch.

At least he's more dedicated with his latest hobby – Playing the guitar.
I know he has been practising for some time now and is going to play for us before the first dance, with a special love song he composed especially for Fran. no pressure there – Eh Neel

Well maybe it's not his dedication to his pastimes. Could it be Neel's energy that attracts Fran.

I know when guys go on a stag-do together they are supposed to keep events to themselves but Neel really was incredible. It was a long day and the average person would be burnt out if they had tried to keep up with him.

It started off with very physical Kart-racing, onto slamming shooters when Chris found a Happy Hour at a cocktail bar, we then raced to a Tapas bar in the pouring rain, and after the food we pub crawled it to the Comedy Club.

Most people would have felt sick or physically exhausted by this time – but not Neel.

Off clubbing afterwards and after that insisted on going to a casino.
Robert reminded me of Neel proving how much energy he still had when Neel started doing press-ups in the middle of the bar.

The guy was amazing – he left us all trailing behind him.

So Neel's energy is one possible candidate for what really attracts Fran.

A stronger possibility I believe is Neel's great character. His character can be summed up in one word – ”International”. Neel is ”International”.

We all know Neel and Fran like to travel, in fact they have visited so many places that they have a bigger carbon footprint than Alan Wicker.

Scientists have estimated they are personally responsible for about 15% of global warming.

They have visited many places together including Rome, The Cotswolds, Corfu, The Lake District, Lyon, Edinburgh, Paris, Croatia and Venice, some very romantic places. Ideal for a proposal of marriage you may think.

Well that may be true but is seems in the end it was a combination of fate and cunning that has led us here today.

Let me picture the scene for you. It was a cold winters day – not just any ol day but Christmas Day itself. In fact it was Neel and Fran's first Christmas together and one of them was planning on making it a very special day – one they would treasure.

They both started looking at the labels on the presents and divided the pile between them. Fran had spent a good deal of time and money making Neel his first stocking and buying Neel some designer clothes and tickets for a West End show.

Unfortunately the only thing Neel had bought Fran was a CD of Westlife's greatest hits.

Sensing disaster about to strike Neel turned the situation round by dropping on one knee and proposing. Very fast thinking I'm sure you'll agree.

So Neel is a very talented man with a sharp mind. He can fluently speak a number of languages with great skill. I guess the answer to the question of what Fran sees in Neel – is Neels great ability as a cunning linguist.

Although Fran did actually tell me Neel has always brightened up her life.
Well she actually said he never turned the lights off but it amounts to the same thing pretty much.

Neel and Fran have shared many romantic moments.

And I would like you to both to share one with us all here today.

Fran can you put your right hand flat on the table and Neel can you place yours on top of it.

Marvellous, I would like you to remember and treasure this moment forever the last time you will have the upper hand Neel.

On a more serious note I have known both Neel and Fran for many years and value their friendship immensely. Neel has always been a great friend and it has been a privilege knowing you both. Neel is a very lucky man to have met Fran – who I must say is looking absolutely beautiful today.

Now before I finish I have a message to read out from some people who couldn't be here today.

There is a card from those guys from the Brighton and Hove Cricket club. It says, ‘Neel was useless in all positions but we hope Fran has more luck with him later’. Not sure what that means but anyway…

All I have to say now is . . .

Ladies and gentlemen – can you raise your glass to Mr and Mrs Mehta.