Speech by Paul Hill

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Hill
Speech Date: Sep2004
Good afternoon everyone, for those of you that don't know me, my name is “Paul What Ya Drinking” so if you see later at the bar, don't be afraid to call me by my full name. Unfortunately for you, today, I am the best man, literally!

Firstly on behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like thank Chris for his kind and thoughtful words, I'm sure you'll all agree not only do they look fantastic, but they've done a brilliant job today – not least of which was getting Becky to the ceremony – I believe she put up quite a struggle.

I think you'll all agree that Becky looks stunning today, and Chris, well he just looks stunned. (He will when he sees's the bill). But seriously Becky, you do look fantastic, Chris is a very lucky man.

I would like to thank you all for coming today and helping make Chris and Becky's wedding day such a memorable and special occasion. Yes its been very emotional, even the cakes in tears!!

As you can tell I'm quite nervous today, let me tell you this isn't the first time I've stood up from warm seat with a bit of paper in my hand. I think Chris has felt the same today as well, after following him into the toilets just before the ceremony, I had to pull this out of the loo (Brick) I think this belongs to you me old mucker!!

Well it's an honour to be Chris best man. When Chris asked me I was delighted although I thought the only problem would be preparing a speech, as most best man speeches are a character assassination of the groom and Chris has been a mature, sensible, well-adjusted adult since he was about 17. They say the best man's speech is the worst 5 minutes of the groom's day and the worst 5 minutes of the bride's day.… Well, that comes later on tonight.

One thing I did look forward to was organising the stag party. In fact the first stag party in Nottingham was so good (well what we can remember of it anyway) we decided to have 2. Me and the lads had planned to shave off Chris's eyebrow while he was drunk. Now sure you've all noticed that Chris has only got one, very thick eyebrow, it goes straight across. But when we got to Nottingham we realised that we had forgot to pack the hedge trimmers, so he was quite lucky that night.

Chris and I have been best mates now for about 15 years, and I often wonder what life would be like if I didn't have a friend like Chris… sometimes the smile lasts for days.

Chris and I first met at high school in 1986 and we hardly spoke to each other for the 5 years. It was only when Chris found that I too was an avid Rolf Harris fan that he finally plucked up the courage to talk to me one night on a school trip to a local nightclub. Anyway after a few nights out down the local boozers and a fortnight in Tenerife I finally dragged him out of the eighties and into the nineties.

We spent three years in the 6th form trying to pass our A Levels, or at least that's what we told our parents. I remember one time when Dennis and Marry had gone on holiday and as usual that had given Chris permission to use Dennis’ new Fiesta. Anyway one night we had gone out somewhere in Den's car somewhere, I don't remember where but as we returned to the car we realised that all Dens gleaming wheel trims had been stolen, as you can imagine Chris was gutted (show brick again).

Any way Chris thought the only way of not getting a rollicking off Den was to buy him some more wheel trims. Now Chris isn't parted from his hard earned money very easily, I mean the once he dropped 50p in the local takeaway and when he bent down to pick it up it hit on the back the head. Anyway he asked me if I had any ideas of how to replace his dad elusive wheel trims?

So the day after we decided to have the afternoon off school and go down the pub for the rest of the day, day turned to night and as you can guess we were quite drunk. Its at this point I thought to myself it would cheaper for Chris if on the way home we found a car with the same wheel trims and borrowed them!!. Excellent idea said Chris, so we began walking the streets of Ashmore Park with seriously impaired vision try to spot a car with the same trims. Before long 2 or 3 hours had past we'd had a couple of pit stops in the local Chinese and Indian takeaways, for which I paid for, now I'm not saying Chris is tight but in all the years I've known him today is the first time he's bought me dinner.

Anyway, a couple of hours before sun rise and still no wheel trims and Chris started face the fact that he was going to have to dig up one of his money jars out of the garden to buy his dad some new wheel trims when suddenly we spotted it, a gleaming new sierra with the same wheel trims we'd been looking for all night. So, without a thought for the law, we helped our selves to the new wheel trims.
Just as we were getting the last one off we heard a door burst open and watched in horror as the owner began running at us shouting all sorts of obscenities. At which we turned and began legging it as fast we could clinging onto our newly acquired wheel trims lets just say at this point we dropped a couple of these (raise the brick).

After hiding down an alleyway we finally lost the well miffed owner of the shiny new sierra, and began heading back to Chris's mom and dads house very pleased with our nights work, we couldn't wait to fix the wheel trims to Den's motor.

Now I don't know if any of you are aware of this, we certainly wasn't, but the wheels on a sierra are about 3 inches bigger than the wheels on Dennis’ fiesta. We just stood there looking absolutely gutted, especially seeing as though school was going to start in a few short hours. Quite a comical night,

So after failing our A Levels, Twice, (I cant think why) and after working at Do It All, if you can call what we did there work. We both finally made it into the University of Wolverhampton. 3 long hard years of 18 to 30 holidays, long weekends away with the lads camping and 6 nights a week down the pub, 7 if it was a bank holiday. A real struggle it was.

As you can imagine it came as quite a surprise to us all when Chris Graduated with honours from University with a degree mathematical business analysis, I knew it had to have something to do with counting money, mo wonder did so well!!

From there he got a job in Telford with a pension company not content with counting his own money, he wanted to count everybody else's.

A year or two later on 25th September 2000 Chris and Becky's eyes met in crowded bar in Wolverhampton and there began a romance that seemed to blossom all over the place, literally.

Then 25th September 2001 Chris asked Becky if she'd do him the honour of becoming his wife, after a couple or three bottles of very potent wine whilst on holiday, Becky agreed.

Which brings us to today 25th September 2004 where they have become Mr. & Mrs Lythgoe.

Cards:

Dear Chris, hope your making the right decision, still thinking of our long evenings by the pool, love Michael Barrymore.

This one comes along way, all the way from Australia from your old favourite, Rolf Harris. (Stick massive single eyebrow on) He's sent a little song for me to read out.

“Why have you got one eyebrow when there's room on ya face for two”

Anyway, Chris you're my best mate and you know I think the world of you and over the past few years I have come to think the world of Becky too. We've some great holidays together and weekends away and I hope we have many. You are both very special friends not only to me but to Lou and Zak aswell. You make a perfect couple and I know you will have a wonderful marriage and a very happy life together.

Ladies and Gentlemen

Here's to love, laughter and a happily ever after.

Please rise and toast the New Mr. & Mrs. Lythgoe

To Chris & Becky