Speech by Paul Hooper

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Hooper
Speech Date: oct 2004
Good afternoon everyone and thank you for coming to this special occasion, its lovely to see SO MANY FRIENDS HERE. They say a good speech is like a MINI SKIRT……SHORT enough to be interesting but LONG enough to cover the ESSENTIALS… So here goes…

I'd like to start by INTRODUCING MYSELF, I'm Paul and I'm the best man for today. Right… Two things…please use those cameras on your tables, the pictures are going into the wedding book so leave them on the tables and EVE and myself will collect them at the end of the evening. Secondly I have a SAFETY ANOUNCENENT….I've been told by the staff here that during the standing ovation at the end of my speech please refrain from JUMPING ON THE TABLES….and ladies try and keep your UNDIES ON no throwing them at me please…alright Thank you.…

I'd like to start by saying that CARLY….you honestly look stunning, I've known you for years and your like a sister to me. I'm so PROUD OF YOU DARLING… The BRIDESMAIDS…..wow, you all took on the role like TRUE PROFESSIONALS today, you really look beautiful girls, with a special thank you going to EVE the MAID OF HONOUR who's help leading up to this day hasn't gone un-noticed. Thank you all so much… I'd like to thank the USHERS DAVE AND SCOTT whom without today… YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO SIT…..thanks boys….AND OF COURSE….GARY….for ASKING ME to be his BESTMAN….It been a real honour mate….I hope I've done ok!! Thank you. Last but not least the NEWLANDS HALL STAFF for organizing a fine day, thank you….Right that's the emotional bit out the way.… RIGHT NOW let's SLAG you off GARY ………no.no.no

He asked me to prepare a FEW LINES for this wedding….Well he SNORTED them bout FIVE MINUTES AGO and feels a lot more relaxed now.

This is NERVE RACKING for me I didn't realize how nervous you were Gary until one of the staff members used the TOILET AFTER YOU and found this down the pan …(HOLD UP BRICK)

I've known CARLY and GARY for a good few years now, So as you can imagine I've seen some real bad haircuts, moustaches and full on jungle beards….AND GARYS NO BETTER ETHIOR you know.…

Most of you will probably know that GARY and CARLY have been making some HOME IMPROVEMENTS on their house in Chelmsford. I said to Gary you two MUST BE KNACKERED coming in from work and having to start DIY. He said not really as there USED TO BANGING AND SCREWING EVERYDAY.

I do HAVE TO SAY AT THIS POINT, how lucky you are Gary. YOU WILL LEAVE HERE MATE having gained a wife that is warm, loving and caring, a wife who is funny and who radiates beauty where ever she goes.

AND Carly…… HOW LUCKY YOU ARE AS WELL…yes that's right… YOU LEAVE TODAY having gained a G.O.R.G.I.O.U.S. DRESS and a lovely bouquet of flowers.

ONE LAST THING BEFORE I READ SOME CARDS OUT, not a lot of people know this but Carly's got a NICK NAME FOR GARY….yes mate I found out…….He's called HOLIDAY BOY…apparently he's GOOD WHILE HE LASTS, BUT SHE WISHES HE WAS LONGER.

ANYWAY MOVING ON…I have some CARDS TO READ out now so here goes…(READ SOME REAL ONES OUT) x3

Oh this is one from Gary's old football club. “Dear Carly, we heard about the wedding, congratulations. We found Gary useless in every position, hope you have more luck with him."

WELL JUST TIME FOR THE TOASTS. Ladies and Gentleman….Now obviously my toasts are going to focus on the most important people here
today.… The people we all feel close to, and without them, today
wouldn't be possible… At some stage in the evening I'm sure will be sharing your thoughts with them on this special day..… So I
would like to propose a toast please…raise your glasses….to "The bar staff"

No seriously everyone….Not many best men can say the BRIDE and GROOM ARE BOTH VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. I've known Carly like I've said for many years and Gary for a good few years and I can honestly say the pair of them are such a laugh to be around!!!! I'm so honoured I CAN CALL MYSELF YOUR FRIEND. One thing I've been told in the past. Don't marry someone you can live with, marry the person you can't live without..… and this is so true of Carly and Gary….I cant imaging one without the other now…..This wedding is a testament to that special something these two have for each other……so please be up-standing and raise your glasses…… the Bride and Groom : The new Mr & Mrs Huggins.