Speech by Paul Jordan

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Jordan
Speech Date: 07/04/2014 09:42:52

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen!  Have you had a good day so far?? 

For those of you who don't know me my name is Paul and I am one of Mike's older brothers.  Michael actually has two older brothers, myself and Richard (where are you Rich, give us a wave), and there was a pretty big debate over who would get to give the best man speech, but as Richard really struggles with words over two syllables, that left me… 

As his brother I've known him his entire life and he was best man to me at my wedding almost two years ago to the day, and so it is with great pride that I take on this role as best man today. 

I just want to say that Hannah, you look unbelievable today – You look one in a million …as opposed to Mike who looks like he was won in a raffle. 

As everyone knows today is the Grand National (did you all get a bet on?) well there was no way I was going to ask Hannah for any tips, as you only have to look at Michael to see Hannah is useless at picking winners… 

Can I just give a special mention to the bridesmaids for helping to get Hannah here today? You all look amazing and I am reliably informed that when Hannah woke up this morning and realized she was marrying Michael she put up quite a struggle, so well done girls… 

Now I will read cards from those that couldn't be with us today: 

Card 1 

Card 2:

Congratulations on your special day Michael, we will miss you terribly. Our lives are now that little bit emptier without you by our side.  Thank you for all the memorable nights, the flowers, chocolates and jewellery.  

From all the girls at the Sugar Hut. 

Michael, my little brother – I spent years beating you up, tormenting you, lying to you, taking your things, bullying you and generally terrorizing you for most of your childhood.  And I think today of all days, it's about time I said….I had an absolute ball! 

As the best man it fell to me to help organise Mike's stag do and we went to Gold Cup day at Cheltenham Races, and boy did we stitch him up; the night before I covered his face in this ridiculous fake tan and took all his tickets out of his coat, his train and racing tickets included.  You should have seen his face, literally; not only was he covered in this ridiculous brown substance but when he got to London and realised he didn't have his tickets, it was hilarious!  Oh no but wait, that's not right is it Mike?  Shall we tell everyone what really happened?  Do you lot want to know what really happened??  Michael did those things to himself….yes, Michael had covered himself in this daft fake tan, it was like a thin coating of Nutella, and had forgotten all his own tickets – £170 later on for tickets he had already bought and he was thankfully back on track. I guess that's what happens when you drop out of university… Twice… 

I have been asked to thank you all for coming and the gifts that you have so generously donated. I must say I struggled to decide what to get. I wanted to give Mike something he genuinely needed. The trouble is it is such a struggle to figure out how to wrap a dress sense, a decent haircut or a university education…

Many couples say that their wedding day is the best day of their lives, but Mike and Hannah have already had one best day, and that was the birth of their daughter Taylor on New Year's Day 2013.  Today you guys have closed the loop and become one.  As for Taylor, every day is the best day as she has a great dad and a wonderful mum. 

I am so happy for you little brother. I'm so happy for both of you! You two are so lucky to of found each other. I honestly think you guys were made for each other. 

Hannah – I and everyone here today wholeheartedly welcome you and your family into ours. We are truly lucky to have you as a sister and daughter-in-law. More importantly, Michael is truly lucky to have you. 

Mike, you will leave here today having gained a wife that is attractive, smart, loving and caring.  And, Hannah how lucky you are, you leave today.… having gained a nice new dress. 

That's it from me SO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE UPSTANDING and RAISE YOUR GLASSES 

TO LOVE

TO LAUGHTER and HAPPILY EVER AFTER

I GIVE YOU THE NEW MR AND MRS JORDAN 

MICHAEL AND HANNAH!!