Speech by Paul P

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul P
Speech Date: 09/07/2016 19:43:12

There comes a time in everyone's life when they meet there 1 true love, there soul mate, the person that they are going to know and love for the rest of their life. That moment came for David 31 years ago when he met me. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Paul, David's younger brother.

Now, my first job as best man is to say a few thank you's so I'd like to take some time to thank a few people who on the face of it have had a fairly easy day so far.  They have had to cope with all the difficulties of standing around pouting and looking pretty, they've spent a lot of time on their hair and makeup and without them the day just wouldn't be the same. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mathew, Mark and Darren, the ushers.

Of course I am sure that even they will agree, despite their best efforts they were beaten hands down today by the bridesmaids, Sarah, Natalie, Katie and Kate.

I would like to thank the bridesmaids for getting Lucy here on time, No mean fete as I understand she put up quite a struggle.

I would like to mention how stunning you look today Lucy and not only does she make a beautiful bride but she is also kind, caring, smart and funny and her and David prove that opposites really do attract.

In preparation for his big day David told me he's been watching his weight. He's had it right out I front of him where he can see it best.

So let me tell you a little bit about my relationship with David. I always looked up to him as we was growing up, mostly because I spend a lot of my childhood pinned to the floor getting some sort of beating or torture treatment. Whether it be a dead arm, a Chinese burn or his favourite where he would pin me down and dangle spit as close to my face as possible before sucking back up again.

When thinking about what story's I could tell you about David most of them involved cars or him being extremely drunk, for example when at the age of 16 he thought it would be a good idea to drink a full bottle of vodka only to get that drunk that he fell off a kerb and smashed his front teeth in.

One time David decided to borrow his friend's car to go down to the shop even though it had no tax, mot, insurance or front bumper. He had only got round the first corner and a police van was coming the other way and immediately turned round to follow him. David took off and went round a few corners before jumping out and running off. Now if you know my brother he isn't the most athletic person so found a good hiding place on a garage roof instead. He thought he was about to get away with it only for his phone to ring and a policeman's hand appeared and pull him off. Now as we all know he has the gift of the gab and somehow managed to talk himself out of it and they even let him drive off in the car he had been pulled in without even getting as much as a slapped wrist……

Traditionally the best man gives some advice on marriage and even though I've only been married for a short while I thought it may be good to offer a few words of wisdom and give you some advice. Since you're a car salesman I think the best way to do this is to compare marriage to car ownership: 1. Now you have chosen the make and model you must stick with it, yes you will often fancy a trade in, but trust me that's going to be expensive. 2. You must ensure you keep the car clean; the days of filth have long gone. 3. When you think the car has a problem, you will be correct, it will be time consuming to fix and offering a good service will not help to sort it. 4. Over the years, if the airbags deflate, never mention it. 5. Whilst we know how important a good service is, you must accept that a weekly once over with the dipstick has long gone and be grateful for an annual service.

I asked Jane Lucy's mum earlier on how it felt to see her daughter get married and she said it only seems like yesterday when she was going to bed with her dummy. It's funny how history repeats itself.

Joking aside, I really am honoured to be standing up here today as your best man, you are a great brother and friend and have always been there for me when I needed you the most.

My only regret about today is that our Dad isn't here to share it. He would be so proud of the man you have become and what you have achieved in life

Now it gives me immense pleasure, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to David and Lucy, we wish them we'll for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage. I give you the new Mr and Mrs Platton.