Speech by Paul Rowlands

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Rowlands
Speech Date: Jun 2009
Pleasantries
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who don't know me my name is name or more commonly known as name and unfortunately for name here…… I am the best man for today!
I'd like to thank you all for coming today especially name and name as it wouldn't have been the same without them.
I'd like to say a big thank-you on behalf of name and name to everyone who helped them to organise this event which has been dubbed the most talked about wedding since Jordan and Peter. I'd also like to thank the bridesmaids, who I think you'll all agree look beautiful and have done a great job of looking after name today.
Of course they are only outshone by name, as she looks absolutely stunning today…………………..… name on the other hand, just looks stunned!!

Firstly I'd like to congratulate name on a magnificent speech.
I always knew it would be difficult to follow one of his speeches, and I Was right …I could hardly follow a word of it! But all credit to name as he has laid down a good platform for me to start with!!

Now I've never been a best man before to be honest with you, and I am not renowned for my speech writing, but I'll try my best &quotcause name said if I do a good job this time, I can be best man at his next wedding..…
When name first asked me to be his best man I was absolutely made up, I really was……..and then it was brought to my attention that name wanted one of his ……let's say uglier friends to be best man so he looks a little better on the photographs…………….Unfortunately name didn't wanna do it so……….here I am! I'm told I'm supposed to be giving name the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of his life today, and I'm also told Nicolas most uncomfortable 5 minutes will be coming up later tonight. I was also thinking earlier how fitting the saying is &quotfor better or for worse&quot and couldn't help thinking that name couldn't have done any better and name couldn't have done any worse.
name advised me she wanted the speeches to be as short as possible she seems to like things short you see!!! she also said that my speech is not to have any sexual content or any swearing in it, which for someone like me with my tourets is quite difficult. So my speech has gone from 30 mins to about 5, so please bear with me ….if my speech is still crap, please buy me drink to help me get over it!
Now…… name also pointed out that my main duties for the wedding are:
1 To organise a good stag do for name…done!
2 Get name to the church on time……done!
3 Make sure I have both of the rings…..done! &amp finally number
4 Make sure name looks presentable…….In my book 3 out of 4 aint bad, especially when you look at what I'm up against!

I must admit It only started to dawn on me a few weeks ago that i'd have to get on with my speech, and as I mentioned earlier I'm not renowned for my speech writing so for a little inspiration the obvious place seemed to be the internet…..and after a good couple of hours of searching I found some really, really interesting stuff, and then I remembered I'm supposed to be looking for best man T.I.P.S. anyway………after I managed to get rid of all those pop-up windows I did actually find LOADS of ready prepared speeches, unfortunately for me none of them were for a couple called name and name..…
As part of my research it said that I shouldn't mention any of the grooms past girlfriends as this might be a little inappropriate and quite embarrassing……however this is not a problem for name as there wasn't any!!
When Paul was born on the 15th November 1981 to Anne and Tommy, I'm not saying he was an ugly baby but Anne told me she didn't start getting morning sickness until after the birth.
Me and name have been friends since our senior school years, and…I think it has been about 14 or 15 years,…… at school as most of you probably know he was an awesome rugby player and to be honest pretty good at most other sports too……he really was one of them lads who you couldn't help but love….to hate. Oh yes he was good at everything, and in them days he was even quite intelligent????…I know what you're thinking but he was, i don't know what has happened since either, but he used to be able to finish the take a break crossword in 20 minutes. With me and name knowing each other for about 15 years now there is nothing I wouldn't do for name, and I'm sure it's safe to say that there is nothing he wouldn't do for me ……..and for the best part of 15 years we have spent all that time doing absolutely nothing for each other!
Now a little story to give you an insight of how name mind works is from when name and name were going on holiday to Turkey!!!….… Unlike us normal people name didn't think it was relevant to check if his passport was in date or not until going to say goodbye to his mum and dad, and Anne just happens to be flicking through his passport and says &quotname don't you look young on this pict……eh it 6 months out of date!!…….… name on the other hand had her passport in date and she went…..So name then had to race to Liverpool that day and pay 㿭 for a fast turnaround passport, he then had had to get a lift to Humberside airport, and pay 㿅0 for another flight and transfer. So to sum it up it cost him over 㿊0 quid and he missed two days of his holiday and it took him until the second week to convince name to talk to him again, all for not checking his passport…………..so let's hope he has checked it for their honeymoon!! Or ill come with you name At this point in my speech I would have liked to have told you all about the stag night.
I wanted to tell you how drunk name got and the trouble that he got all of the other lads, and even about the &quotclubs&quot he got us all thrown out of,…….… but the law of the stag does not allow me to do this. And &quotWHAT GOES ON TOUR ..STAY'S ON TOUR&quot eh boys??
PRESENTS
Right………
Now onto a couple of presents I have brought along for name……… Most of you probably know that apart from name, name other loves in life are playing on his Play station, and drinking Fosters!!! And usually finds it difficult to combine the two, Thus the double barrelled Drinking hat!………..… name tells me he is not very good at performing two tasks at once!!
My second stupid…I mean expensive present is a special T-shirt for a very special boy………just to remind name of the good old days! Yes it's the Top of the Town T shirt. This was name favourite nightspot. If you ever needed to get hold of name on a Saturday night due to him not owning a mobile phone until he was 25 You would always find him in Toppers………and his usual place after 11pm would be asleep at the bar……………so to remind him of these antics I thought the top of the town t-shirt would be perfect.
Not to leave you out Nic, i have also got you a t-shirt too!!
When we used to go to top of the town, and I'm not saying name is tight…….no actually I am, but every time you walk into the place he used to go down to tie his laces to avoid the first round! What's worse is he usually wears slip on shoes!
——————————————————–Right………
On a more serious note… name I think you're are a very lucky man to have landed name mate as she's beautiful, she's smart, funny, warm, and loving and she is a lot of patience……a lot of patience.
Now it's been an honour to be your best man today and both you and name have been great friends to me over the years and we have had some excellent times together and I know that we will continue to do so. I wish the both of you all the best for the future together.
Ladies and gentlemen may I now ask you all to stand.
It gives me great pleasure to ask you to all raise your glasses in a toast.
We wish them all the best for the future, and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage together.
To the new Mr and Mrs name