Speech by Paul Travers

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Travers
Speech Date: Oct2007
Good Evening Ladies &amp Gentlemen, Boys &amp Girls,

I have exaggerated my speech today and I will leave it up to you to decide what's true and what's not !

My Name is Paul and I have pleasure and honour of being Scott's best man today .it says here!

My Job today is to sing the praises of Scott but I wont lie to you I cant sing,.. not even badly.

Diane I would like to say you do look stunning today ..Scott you just look stunned mate !

Firstly I would like to thank the bridesmaids Yvonne and Jane on how lovely they look and the great job they did on getting Diane here. A &quotToast&quot for the bridesmaids!!!!

Diane ..Scott has asked me to thank you for organising today without you it would never have been possible.

I telephoned Scott this morning and asked him how he slept last night .like a baby was the reply. which means he peed the bed twice and cried for his mammy.

He also told me if I do a good job today I can be his best man at his next wedding.

To do a good job he has given me some words to describe him …

First one .Witty .. well we are laughing at him Second.Intelligent .. marrying Diane proves that Thirdly ..Handsome .. now he's taking the piss!!!!

To be fair Scott has been a great mate helping me out when he could and not looking for anything for it, lucky enough for me he had plenty tools do any job I needed his help for..

But I just couldn't understand why he kept a 6 inch ruler in the bathroom?

Scott has some nicknames he doesn't know about .

His work mates call him &quotgod&quot would you believe ?
Apparently he makes his own rules and If he does any work it's a miracle !

Diane calls him &quot holiday boy &quot he's good while it lasts but wishes it was longer !

One night in Glasgow we were heading back to get a taxi when Scott had to answer the call of nature, so he found a dark lane so not to be seen. All of a sudden there was a moan and he looked down to see a tramp suddenly move because he was getting wet. Scott being a gentleman said sorry and threw the guy a pound !

The story of how Di and Scott met!

Scott and Diane met when Diane was pretending to take the bin out Diane sent Tara dog running over to Scott to initiate contact.
Scott was scared,.. but being with his dad he had to act brave .but told Diane later he wasn't so sure of Tara. He was usually the one chasing Dogs..

So the next day Diane came round with a new pair of boxers shorts for Scott who apparently ruined one. These boxers became Scott's favourite boxers.

And that was the start of this long romance.

During this romance when they lived in Fairhaven Ave, Scott and Diane had a night out, they had a few drinks and then back at Diane's.
They had argument, Scott was in the mood. but Diane practising the future wife part wasn't.. Diane went upstairs to bed but she heard the door slam and seen Scott heading to his house in just his boxers and five minutes later Diane looked in amazement as Scott came back in those boxers .
A short while later the police were in the street, Diane is known to the police work wiseso they came to her door and said there was reports of a flasher!!!! but once it was explained it was Scott and they seen him in his silky red boxers they decided there.. &quotwasn't much to go on!!&quot

Both of Diane's neighbours moved after that!

So to any of his new neighbours if you see Scott in the street with just his boxers there's no need for the police !

I have been asked not to mention any of Scott's ex girlfriends but due to BSE and foot and mouth we are better letting them rest in peace!.

If any of you ladies are looking for a dance tonight you would be wise to ask Scott. Many times in Universe when it was his turn for a round you couldn't get him off the stage to get to the bar.

In centre point that was worse. even fighting the women for control of a podium!

Diane I have some advice for you ..

A husband is like a tiled floor lay it right the first time and you can walk over him for years to come.

And I have some advice for Scott.there's five rings in a relationship..

you have remembered ..The engagement ring
The wedding ring

But you have ……..The suffering
The torturing
And………..The enduring To look forward to..

never be afraid that Diane will leave you – she's spent time training you, she's not going to throw that away lightly!

Ok ladies and gentlemen, its been an emotional day, hankies have been out . even the cake's in tiers!

Can I ask you all to raise your glasses for. the bar staff who are going to do a great job tonight!

Scott has been a great mate to me for the last fifteen years I known him, helped me out a few times, someone I could have a few beers with, until Diane had him under the thumb!

Read cards..

Its been a honour and privilege to do this today and it couldn't be for a better couple

Ladies and gentlemen boys and girls could you please stand and raise your glasses to the happy couple Mr and Mrs Kerr!!!!