Speech by Paul Twine

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Paul Twine
Speech Date: sep 2002
Before I start, I believe someone in running a sweepstake on the length of the speech……….if you wouldn't mind could you put me down for 93 minutes..…

Firstly, and on behalf of the bridesmaids I would like to thank Chris for his kind works………I think that you'll agree they look lovely.

For those of you who don't know me, I am Paul……… Chris's older brother.

It is an important development that today Chris has finally come to admit that I AM … the best man, ………something that has taken years for him to admit.

This speech..… I hope will serve as an introduction to Chris for those of you who do NOT know him…….… and will act as a further insight for those that do.

As I am sure you will appreciate certain elements of his past have had to be edited ……to ensure that it is appropriate for the day…..…
Well that is what I told Chris……….…

Chris or “Christopher” as mum often calls him was born in 1976..…
…..in this year………

The Omen was released onto the silver screen

Punk rock kicked off with bands like the Sex Pistols

The Miracles had a number one hit with “love machine”

We have occasionally found aspects of Chris’ behaviour disturbing..…

One birthday we found him asleep with his new personal stereo still playing…….wearing his complete scuba kit including speedo's fins, goggles and breathing from his snorkel…..!

In the early 90’s he got into rap music Mac Daddy, Naughty by Nature and the dubious Kriss-Cross……he wore jeans back to front, caps backwards, girls beads, an earring and danced like he couldn't keep up with his legs….he liked to feel that he was…….cutting edge

As a kid Chris was keen to grow up quickly. We used to chat about things after school, sport, music and stuff. One night when he was 9 years old, we were sat cross-legged facing each other in his room……..and he turned the conversation onto girls, and then sex.

“ I think that I shall wait until 14 to lose my virginity” he told me ……and I am glad that he has waited until 26 when he found and married the right girl.

Having not achieved his goal by 14……and still out in the sexual wilderness Chris turned his attention to windsurfing…his first love

He has always been sporty, and during his time at Portsmouth Grammar School he had an impressive record…

English Schools Cricket U10 National 8 ‘A’ side winning team
School…..and….Hampshire U16 Cricket Team
School Rugby Team
School, Havant…..and……Hampshire U16 Hockey Teams

He was a talented actor performing in a number of amateur and professional theatre productions and a television appearance in “the Young Charlie Chaplin”, ….but.…

………none of these really gripped him like the windsurfing……..windsurfing was a bit cooler, and he developed a new vocabulary.…

“Got a big ding on the deck when I pulled off a lay-down jybe to get prepped for a head-height breaker…..lining up for my forward loop…….but I was stoked”

Chris met Nedda to our relief at the age of 17……they were both students of Havant College and during this time things blossomed. After ‘A’ levels they decided to go to different Universities…….now with Chris being slightly geographically challenged……..this might not have been a wise move

Chris has long had problems getting around……

…and while he was in Swansea, and Nedda in Plymouth he made a number of trips to visit on the train. None were more impressive that the infamous occasion when one Friday he set off for the weekend.

He arrived faultlessly at Swansea train station, and having bought his ticket decided that he would settle in for the journey………he got off at the right stop to make the connection, and hopped back onto another train to finally take him to Plymouth………..After a while things started looking familiar to Chris, and at the pre-arranged arrival time he called Nedda to let her know where he was.

“ Where are you she said hopefully?”.…

…..”Neds I'm back in Swansea” …..came the reply

After this he decided that he could no longer rely on his use of public transport, and headed off to find an alternative.

He returned full of pride with a 50cc moped we later nicknamed the “kamakazi”. Insurance cost him more than the bike, and with the ugly big plastic box on the back for his sandwiches he was no James Dean!

He moved to study in Plymouth, and Nedda moved to France. It could be taken that she was trying to avoid him at this point but Chris was mobile

The moped took him across the water to Brest, and she was very happy when he arrived to greet her.

They have travelled well through the last 9 years…….and I truly believe that you would have to search hard to find a couple who have been so consistently happy and kind to each other, over such a significant period of growth both mentally and physically

My final words are to Chris and Nedda.
I am very proud to be best man here today and I'm so pleased that Chris has found such a wonderful and loving wife. I have no doubt that your love will be modern enough to survive the times and old fashioned enough to last forever.

Telegrams:

from British Rail – “it's never been the same since
you bought a car”

from Brittany Spears “I couldn't hold off, well done”

from Elton John & George Michael – “we will miss the
threesomes”

Will you all please join me in a toast to the bride & groom

The bride and groom

Daring: Jumping off Hayling Bridge
Jumping off the round tower
Bungee jumping
Skydive
Surfing
Windsurfing – forward loop

Musical talents: Guitar
Piano
Whistle
Singing

Acting: Oliver – The Artful Dodger (school play)
40 years on – Catherine Cookson – Kings Theatre
Evita – Kings Theatre
The Young Charlie Chaplin

Clothes: Jeans back to front – Kriss Cross
Bad-boy hoods, baseball caps,
Flares
Orange platform shoes –

Language: Baaath etc…..Peter Mcardle style
Franglaise: “je m'appelle very funny”
“je suis le best at wood”