Speech by Pete George

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Pete George
Speech Date: Oct2006
Good afternoon Ladies, Gentleman and anyone from Birmingham.

Thank you for coming here today to celebrate this special occasion, it's lovely to see so many of Dave and Vicky's friends and family here today. Dave, I would also like to thank you for giving me the honour of being the better man today and paying for my hotel room and the “his and hers” dressing gowns which are now in the back of Jennies car.

Before we start, I'm not saying that Vicky tends to over plan but I have only been allocated 5 minutes and 12 seconds to deliver this very under-prepared and lame 8speech..…

OK, I'd like to start by introducing myself, I'm Dave's younger brother Pete and I'm the best man for today, right two things:

Firstly, please note that on Table 1 you will find a camcorder and easy to follow picture instructions for you brummies which we ask you to pass around in turn to capture any messages for the happy couple. Please note that any soft porn will be immediately removed and handed to the single guy on the dance floor at the end of the night, so be warned !!

And finally, on a Health and Safety note I have been advised by the bar staff that that during my standing ovation at the end of my speech please refrain from jumping on the tables, and ladies, please keep your undies on and no throwing them at me during my speech, thank you.…

We'll back to the matter in hand, I'd like to start by saying that Vicky…you honestly look stunning and how Dave landed a beautiful girl like you I'll never know, I knew the “George” charm was good but not THAT good!

Lisa, you also look beautiful and I'd like to thank you for getting Vicky here on time today and making my brother the happiest man in the world, however if Vicki had the choice she would have been here years ago……..and Lisa, I'll be personally thanking you later on tonight.

To my mother in law Val for raising a beautiful daughter who is not only kind and genuine but also prepared to sell her soul to the devil and spend the rest of her life with Dave.…

To my Mum and Dad, Angela and Bryan, who stood by Dave through his bouts of petty crime, temper tantrums and the disturbing sleep walking incidents involving urinating in Mums vase on the landing and the time I woke up at 3am to find Dave trying to remove my pants in his sleep, Dave, were close but not that close !!!!

On a personal note to Nick for being an usher today and arranging the most amazing stag do from start to finish…..and remember guy's, “rule of the stag”. And last but not least a huge thank you to Ebay, IKEA and Iceland as without their help today we'd not have had this lovely spread and excellent table decorations !!!

BUT BEFORE WE OPEN THE FREE BAR, LETS SLAG OFF DAVE !!!!!!….…

Well, Dave was born, sorry found, in a Leicestershire lay-by on the 12th August 1972 which interestingly enough has recently become an infamous tourist attraction for open minded couples experimenting in the art of “dogging”, even at an early age Dave showed signs of experimenting with his sexuality and eventually embarked on a career in the Navy with his “special friend” Hamish. PICTURE

Then, deciding that he preferred Fireman to Seaman Dave dreamt of having a new uniform to show his “special friend” and he joined the fire service PICTURE most of you imagine that he did this not only to become an upstanding citizen but to save lives and give something back to the local community …….however, I have it on good authority that Dave joined the service with one thing in mind……………to pull birds, and from what I hear from Blue Watch, the larger the better !!!!

In his latter years and in true Madonna style Dave went through various image makeovers including the “Rick Astley”……..the “Axel Rose”…….and of course “The Britney Spears”.

Dave's always been close to his mates and looking back through old photos it made me realise that he has been through a lot of them, sorry, been through a lot with them and if only pictures could speak…… PICTURE has everyone noticed the gay theme yet ?……….…

So where does Vicky come in to this story ?…… Well, 9 years ago Dave and Vicky's eyes met across the room of the local curry house in Lutterworth and here we are today, I'd like to say at this point that how lucky you are Dave, you will leave here today with a beautiful wife who is not only warm, caring and loving but who is funny and radiates beauty wherever she goes.

And Vicky, how lucky you are also as you leave here today with 㿥 of Argos vouchers and the realization that if you ever decide to have a baby then it's gonna look like this………… PICTURE

Well, just time for the toasts.…

Dave and Vicky,….… May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old fashioned enough to last forever.

Ladies &amp Gentleman please stand and raise your IKEA glasses …….…

“Mr &amp Mrs George”