Speech by Peter Arnold

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Peter Arnold
Speech Date: Nov2006
Distinguished guests Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now at the part of today's proceedings that some of us have been dreading—the speeches and I myself have been so nervous that this is not the first time today that I find myself standing from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.

I did ask for an autocue to be set up for my speech today as I have the memory of a geriatric goldfish, but I was told the budget doesn't stretch that far …nor does my eyesight. So please forgive me if I occasionally refer to my notes, probably every 5 seconds

As father of the bride it's my privilege to start the ramblings- at least I thought it was until I realised that I'm actually the warm up act for the groom and best man.

For those of you who do not know me I'm Pete, Lisa's dad and on behalf of myself and my wife Jacqui, I would like to welcome you all here today to celebrate the marriage of our daughter Lisa to Simon.

I would like to welcome Simon's parents, Jeff and Jan as well as all our relatives and friends for being here today, especially those of you who knew that I would be saying a few words- its very touching that you still decided to come .

This wedding has been a huge family affair and today we become one big family and at this point I'd like to thank Simon's parents Jeff and Jan for their assistance and I'm grateful for their help in making this day so special.

Lisa and Simon have obviously worked really hard organising everything for today and their hard work has definitely paid off, I'm sure everyone here agrees that the ceremony so far has been wonderful and that they both looked perfect.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone else involved in making this day so special .Glynn for his very moving service, his boss for keeping the weather at bay, the lovely bridesmaids, the best man for getting Simon and the rings here intact, the ushers, the staff here at Mere Court for this superb reception, the endless number of shop assistants and shops we visited in the pursuit of the mother of the bride outfit and last but not least the apple of my eye the pageboy.

At this point in the proceedings, it is traditional to bring up an embarrassing moment from Lisa's past like her running round the garden in her knickers and eating mud, although thankfully the mud eating has ceased.

Or I could highlight strange character traits so that you can all have a laugh at her expense. I could try some blonde jokes, but Lisa wouldn't get them anyway, and I'd risk a back hander from Jacqui because neither would she.

And so, on the basis that Lisa has as much on me as I have on her and in the interests of self preservation I'm just going to skip all that.
However whilst preparing this speech I was browsing old photograph albums when I came across one picture that made me smile- my precious daughter ,lay on a rug dribbling and pointing at the lens- Oh how she enjoyed her 21st birthday party.

It seems like only yesterday that I remember being resuscitated in the delivery suite and being handed a lovely baby girl… it was one of the proudest days of my life and now here I am again another proud day and Lisa looking even lovelier.

Every father hopes his daughter will find a reliable, sensible and considerate partner and as much as you try not to interfere in their lives, you always hope your children will make the right choices in life. Lisa chose Simon .Who in my eyes is the ideal choice and a credit to his parents

I now have some advice for the happy couple
In 28 years of marriage to one of the loveliest women I have ever had the good fortune to begin to understand I have learned a few things:-

A marriage certificate on its own is not a qualification. It comes with no guarantees of quality and it makes no mention of the length of the marriage. Marriage is not only about finding a perfect partner, but also about being one. So in a nutshell you're both going to have to work at it like the rest of us!

To Lisa….if you want something from Simon, ask for it. Remember, Simon is a man, hints don't work
You will find that in your marriage you will make all the minor decisions, whilst Simon makes all the major ones. Simon however will find out that all future decisions will turn out to be of a minor nature

To Simon
Marriage will bring you many things, loyalty, obedience, self restraint, wearing co-ordinated clothing
And a whole load of other virtues you wouldn't have needed had you stayed single.

I see from the crime statistics that there has never been a case of a wife shooting her husband whilst he was washing up – so the occasional housework will pay off

Now that you're married, Lisa will always have the last word in any argument- any word that you say afterwards is by default, the beginning of the next argument.

Finally..… Never go to bed in the middle of an argument-be a man stay up and fight You've lost anyway so you might as well get it over with.

So now, on behalf of Jeff and Jan, Jacqui and I, It is now my pleasure to propose a toast to the happy couple- the Bride and Groom –Mr and Mrs Mellor