Speech by Peter Harris

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Peter Harris
Speech Date: Sep2007
Ok before I start, is everyone having a good time, so far ?
Come on you've just had a free meal, what more do you want, raise your voice a little Is everyone having a good time?
Fantastic !!!!

Right .… the first thing for me to do, for the benefit of those who don't know who I am, or who would rather not admit to knowing.. Where are you mother? look for mum and give the thumbs up

My name is Peter,
actually my full name is Peter would you like a drink, so if any of you would like a chat later on I would prefer you to call me by my full name.

Now, my first job as best man is to say a few thank you's so I'd like to take some time to thank,,,,a few people,,,, who on the face of it have had a fairly easy day, so far.
they have had to cope with all the difficulties of standing around pouting and looking pretty, they've spent a lot of time and on their hair .make up and outfits, and without them the day just wouldn't be the same ladies and gentlemen, I give you,,,,,,,,,,,, the ushers – Bob &amp Ian.

Of course I am sure that even Bob &amp Ian will agree, despite their best efforts to out shine everyone in the,,, who looks the prettiest dept.
they were beaten hands down today by the bridesmaids, Julie, Mel and Bethany.

I would like to thank the bridesmaids for getting Nicky here on time, No mean fete as I understand she put up quite a struggle.

Also thanks to Nicky's Mum &amp Dad,,,, Hillary &amp Brian not only for raising a wonderful daughter, but also for their help and generosity, which has helped to allow Nicki and Jamie to hold this special event at such a fantastic venue. Thanks Hillary &amp Brian

I would just like to say to Nicki, I think you look fantastic today and Jamie is a very lucky man,,,,,, Welcome to the family Nicki.

NOW,,,,, that brings me to Jamie.

So where do I start with Jamie
Well for starters he's
read intently off of paper
Handsome

Witty

Intelligent

He's Char… Charm

Sorry Jamie .. I””m having trouble reading your handwriting.
We'll ditch the rest of that
throw away paper

As most of you are aware I am the proud father of the groom, Jamie.
As you can see good looks do run in the family,… obviously on his mothers side.

I must say I was very surprised when Jamie announced that he was getting married, because he always said its something he would never do… Although he did hint that should a suitable girl ever come along, she must have very small feet look at Nicky's feet
Obviously I asked him why, his reply was, so she could get nearer to the sink.…

Being the best man has a number of responsibilities that I have taken very seriously:

1 Making sure Jamie had a good nights sleep, ready for the busy day ahead…
Well I can assure you he slept like a baby last night… He wet the bed twice and woke up every 4 hours crying for his mummy…
nothing unusual there, I hear Nicki saying

2 Not losing the rings during the ceremony.
Actually I was a little worried about the rings because I know that they were hand made to fit to perfection, and I was worried that if Jamie got nervous during the ceremony his hands would start sweating and the ring wouldn't go on.
I mentioned this to one of the ushers, and he said Well,,,,,, why don't you smear Jamie's ring with Vaseline?
Now I might be Jamie's dad but that's where I draw the line.

AND FINALLY I had to make sure that angry ex-girlfriends were kept away..
thankfully the latest foot and mouth epidemic saw most of them off.

Now I have been asked on many occasion, where does Jamie get his money from, He thinks nothing of going out buying flash cars, aeroplanes, new houses, the list goes on Well,.. I have asked Jamie about this but he still insists he's skint He says everything he owns is down to just plain hard work.…

So I asked some of his work colleagues just what he was like at work.
They all told me that at work he's known as God,…
that's ”because if he actually does ”any work, it's a bloody miracle!

But I must admit he has come a long way since he left school, I can remember when he was filling in his first job application form, half way through the first page he turned to his mum and said, mum,,,,,,, what is my maiden name?

look at Jamie
Now Jamie,… talking as your father as well as your best man a word of advise on making sure you have a long and happy marriage…
always remember that it's vitally important to get on with your Mother in Law.
I didn't speak to mine for the first two years of my marriage.…
It wasn't that I didn't like her,,, or that we didn't get on – It was just I didn't like to interrupt look at the mother in law and smile

Anyway all joking apart I am sure that you all will agree that if the venue is anything to go by Nicky and Jamie are going to have a fantastic marriage

I am not sure if you are all aware but they are going to spend their first night as a married couple in this magnificent castle.
What a fantastic way to start a marriage…..…

OK I want you to picture the scene..
I would now like to share with you an image of the happy couple at breakfast tomorrow morning.… Jamie will order his fairly standard English breakfast… Bacon, eggs, sausage, beans, fried bread, and a black coffee..
and,,,,,,, being the gentleman that he is he, will order for Nicky as well — a green salad with grated carrot. …And if the waiter looks slightly puzzled at such a request, I'm sure Jamie will have no trouble in explaining himself.
&quotI'm just trying to find out whether she eats like a rabbit as well.&quot

Well guys, I know you don't have any definite plans for your honeymoon but where ever you end up I hope you have a great time,
it will be nice not needing to know what day it is, what time it is, or where you're supposed to be … for Jamie it'll be exactly like he's still at work.

I would like to finish off by saying On behalf of the bride and groom, thank you to everyone for the gifts that you have bought

OH!!! On that note just in case you were wondering why Nicki &amp Jamie requested that people wanting to buy something as a gift, that a B&ampQ gift voucher was the best option.
This is purely because they want to start their marriage as they mean to go on, with a lot of banging and screwing.

ladies and gentlemen, I would like you all to stand.
Id like you all to raise your glasses in a toast to the new Mr &amp Mrs Harris Who we wish well and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.

To: NICKI &amp JAMIE