Speech by Phil & Anna

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Phil & Anna
Speech Date: feb 2003
Best Man's Speech

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentleman.

Firstly, I'm sure Hannah and Danny would like to thank every one for being here today, on the day of their wedding. Some people have travelled a great distance to be here and they certainly appreciate that.
I don't, personally I wish you'd all stayed at home and made my job now a lot easier. Not saying I'm nervous, but this isn't the first time today I've risen from a warm seat with some paper in my hand.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Phil Lilley. I asked Danny to be my Best Man at my wedding almost 2 years ago, when Danny asked me to be his Best Man, I was a little reluctant at first, but Danny asked and asked and when the price was right, I said yes.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I've known Danny and the Jackson's pretty much all my life, we grew up in the same hall together in Plymouth, and in fact, Danny and his sister Soffie introduced me to the woman that eventually became my wife. (Disappointedly) Thanks! I mean, (Cheerfully, looking at Anna) Thanks!
I'm pioneering this month, so I'll be using my speech to get some of my time in, so I'll be bring up the occasional scripture, here and there. Genesis 1:1!

In fact preparing this speech is a lot like preparing a talk, apart from I can leave the jokes in and I don't have to worry about any speech council. But I am using the Setting Number 22 from the new School Guide Book.

It was a very enjoyable talk by the Roger, I'm sure we all appreciated the time and effort he put into it. In preparation for today, I asked Hannah what she wanted from her marriage, she answered Love, Happiness and one day a family of her own.
I asked Danny the same question and he said a Playstation 2.

Well, what can I tell you about Danny?
DANNY

Daniel was born on the 2nd November 1982, and I happened to track down a local newspaper from that day, it has the headline, WORLD'S UGLIEST BABY BORN IN BRISTOL.
Danny wasn't an ugly baby, he was a very cute little boy, and he never really grew out of his boyish good looks or his nappies.

Interestingly, Danny birth date is the same as Channel 4. And I got to thinking that Danny's life is a lot like Channel 4, it's got lots of Friends, Danny's been Counting Down to today, his wedding day and he has lots of old films and adverts…er! Daniel 2:44!

Danny had a wonderful up bringing by Dave and Debbie, and many people say he is just like his father, in fact, I just have to ask Dave. If Danny's got your personality, Simons got your ears, Soffies got your nose and Emily has your eyes…who's got your hair?

FISHING
I know many of you know Danny's older brother Simon and that Simon is very into fishing, but Danny has never taken to fishing, and many have wondered why, well, it comes from a time when Danny was aged about 7 years old and as a family the older Jackson's were outside a pub and the younger Jackson's all crabbing down at Noss Mayo in Devon, near to where they lived. Now ‘Crabbing’ for those of you tat don't know, involves dipping a baited fishing line into the water and catching crabs and putting them into a bucket…we know how to have fun in Devon!
Now Danny was having little success with catching anything that day, so his loving, caring, kind, considerate mother stepped in to help. Getting some bacon on to the end of the crab line they dipped it in the water and waited. When suddenly, a good sized crab took the bait…excitement all round, as Debbie swung around to but the crab in the bucket with arms flying widely, in fact the excitement was so strong that she completely forgot that her young son was stood behind her and she managed to knock him into the water.
Danny was forced to do the Doggie Paddle for all his worth because his Wellington boots had filled with water and he was pretty much drowning. A family in hysterical laughter eventually rescued him. Which I think must have scarred Danny quite deeply. Which is why Simon is into fishing and Danny isn't.
The Wellington boots that almost killed Danny were never found…until now. I managed to find those boots Danny, and I wanted to give them to you to remind you how precious life is, that life can be taken away at any moment by a car crash or being shot, or being drowned by Wellington boots. Matthew 24:14!

HAPLESS ROMANTIC
Danny is also a hapless romantic, as Matthew Rolfe will tell you. Where's Matt? There he is. Matt could you say Hi to every one. That's Matt every one, now Matt could I just ask you to roll up your sleeve and show your arm to everyone. There, there is Matt's rather hairy arm.
Now Matthew knows about Danny's romantic side and it's all to do with his arm. While on holiday in the South of France, they were all staying in a villa and Matthew and Danny had to share a double bed.
Now Danny, being the hapless romantic he is, was, one night, dreaming of Hannah his loved, so much so, that he started kissing Matt's arm.
Hannah, I don't know what that says about Danny, if he has a hairy arm fetish or something. I don't know, but it's some thing to keep an eye on. Revelation 21:3, 4!

HANNAH

Well, I've embarrassed Danny long enough, so I thought I'd like to embarrass Hannah for just a little while.

I tried to dig up as much dirt on Hannah as I could, but it was very difficult, I couldn't get any amusing stories from her childhood, she was a very good little girl, not really getting into much trouble.
In fact she was so good as a little girl I was told by her mum that often on the ministry, every one would be ready to go home and Hannah was trying to make every one stay out. What a good little girl! Well, reasonably good little good, I mean, let's be honest, who need persuasion to stay out on the ministry? Matthew 28:19, 20!

Well, I quizzed her mum about her and she did mention one particular thing that you were very embarrassed about; some thing about a you dancing at a wedding.
Now I must say, that you're mum is a diamond, because no matter how much I quizzed her about it, no matter how I tried to trick her into telling me, I begged, I pleaded, but she would not tell me any thing at all about the incident.
Your mother is a brick! Or a Rock, a rock is better! Your mother was a rock under the pressure and would not, emphatically not, tell me any thing about you trying to do ballet dressed as a Dancing Sausage!
Stewart King though told me everything. In fact, he used the expression, Dancing Poo.
Sorry to grass you up on that Stewgles, but Hannah's mum told me that if I said any thing about it, Hannah would kill me, so if I'm going down, I'm taking every body with me!!!

TOM BOY
The only other thing your mum told me was, as a younger lady, you were a bit of a Tom Boy. You enjoyed the rough and tumble of being a boy, and you wanted to grow up and be a big strong lad, with hairy arms…hang on! 2 and 2 makes 4.
Conclusion
Well, I have been preparing this speech for months and it must seem like I've been giving for as long a time, so I will conclude now.

I do want to offer some words of advice.
Danny. I believe that marriage will teach you about loyalty, self-restraint, self control and it will help you develop a sense of fair play…and many other qualities that you wouldn't need as a single man.
According to Charlton Heston, the key to a long and happy marriage, Danny, is to remember these three little words ‘I WAS WRONG!’
Even though I have only been married for a little while, only 2 years, I can tell you that the secret to a happy marriage is persistence and patience, tolerance and forbearance, resolve, stamina, forgiveness and, failing that, a defective memory.

Hannah, for you the secret for a happy marriage, according to my wife, is to let Danny THINK he's wearing the trousers, but know that you're really in control. She thinks that the way it works out, but she's wrong, I wear the trouser in my house, Anna told me I could.

But in all seriousness now.
I'm sure that every one here wishes you well on your new journey of life together. Marriage is a wonderful thing and holds so many joys and hopes for the future, and we all hope you will find them all, with all the happiness in the world.

With the utmost of love we all wish you both a very happy, loving, rewarding and content life together.

Congratulations Mr and Mrs Daniel and Hannah Jackson.