Speech by Philip Dawson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Philip Dawson
Speech Date: 04/01/2013 08:09:21

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who don't know me my name's Phil and I'm Jamie's brother and the best man. Before making a start on the ritual of embarrassing Jamie, I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for coming today, great to see so many family and friends from right across the country here to share Jamie and Kate's special day and hope everyone has made the most of the free drinks this afternoon before we have to start paying for them tonight.

On behalf of the bridesmaids Amy, Nic and Faye I'd like to thank Jamie for his kind words and I have to say they all look great and have done an excellent job supporting Kate today, and to make things a bit less awkward I'd just moved onto a new role prior to Jamie and Kate getting together.

Kate tells me the first time she met Jamie properly was on a works do at the Armouries – he was so pissed he was dancing with her (he never dances when sober), went off to be sick, then came back and ordered another shot at the bar. I do actually remember that last part now.

I remember the first time I found out about Jamie and Kate back in 2005, I'd arranged to go to a gig at the Cockpit with Jamie and Jamie been coy as always simply asked if I minded someone from work coming along, he wouldn't say who but I had my suspicions!, We'd been for a few beers beforehand without him mentioning who was coming before surprise surprise Kate turns up out of the blue, that was 8 years ago since then it's been pretty obvious we would arrive at this day, however it's taken a lot longer than most of us thought! Their mutual love of good music, hill walking and constant 100 mile round trips to Scarborough has been a theme of their 8 years together, seriously they have an absolute obsession with Scarborough, they must go every two weeks, spend half an hour there then come home, I've heard their honeymoon is at the Queen's Hotel!

I'm honoured to be here today as Jamie's best man but must admit when I was first asked 6 months back I was terrified about writing a speech, however I got started on the train home from a Sheff Utd match drawing inspiration not from the match but the 10 pints consumed in the afternoon, it's amazing how the ideas start to flow after a few drinks!, then I really got into and really enjoying trawling through all the good times we've had over the years even if I still sound terrified now!

Jamie and I have been inseparable since long before either of us can remember, As kid I must have been a right pain following him round like a leech but he never complained and always let his younger bro tag along, we had many great times playing football constantly and getting into the usual mischief such as hedgehopping, rolling down likely moor and the amazing grove garden run where we made a krypton factor-esque assault course through the gardens of a south Kirby housing estate finishing in the local building yard.

Naturally as brothers we had many fights as kids, some real but most just to pass the time, resulting in numerous neck breaking wrestling tomb stones and power slams on each other as we did the full blown moves at 12 years old thinking WWF wasn't fixed and all, despite the near broken necks and all the fights I won we've always stuck together through thick and thin and its truly an honour after all these years for Jamie to concede I am the best man!

One abiding memory of Jamie as a child was how obsessed he was with the Great Escape film; admittedly it's a classic but can't understand how an 8 year old boy can be obsessed with it! Every time a friend called for him they'd get dragged in for three hours to watch the Great Escape before he'd let them escape! Anyway its Kate's turn to suffer now with this little present!

Jamie always seems laid back and seems to go with the flow, until you see him on computer games where he goes mental! When we lived at home you'd often hear him swearing at a screen and I'm sure Kate will probably testify he still does! There was a time we'd got a new computer for Xmas, the same day Jamie banged the keyboard so hard the monitor fell down, luckily he caught it though! Maybe this temper is linked to when he used to go round banging his head against walls as a kid and ended up going for therapy.

Kate tells me that he'll try any minor DIY task and surprisingly usually with success – but he tends to look up what he needs to do on You Tube first, spends six hours swearing at the stuff and getting disproportionately angry, before finally finishing the job at about 11 o clock at night.

Jamie and I have been on a couple of lads holidays together over the years, the first of which was unbelievably almost 11 years ago to Falaraki – This is the holiday where three of us went and all got food poisoning at different times so rarely did all three make it out at the same time. Jamie even got sucked into parting with 40 quid for some foam party tickets by the 18 to 30 reps even though there was no way he was going to make it, needless to say he didn't. None of us left the apartment in daylight all week bar heading to the bar for a few at 5 in the morning when we arrived. We did get tempted to go on a booze cruise thing one day but thought we'd play it by ear and see what time we got up, we were having breakfast just as it got back!

When we did get out we had some great nights, it's usually women who are the ones dancing on bars but Jamie was the shelf dancing master, after getting stuck into a Fish Bowl he'd be up on this tiny shelf in the Q Club on his own all night! He also had an habit of sleeping on the nightclub wall, the problem been he also did this the night when we were leaving for the airport at 8am that day, we had to pack his stuff and go find him!

A year later we were off to Aiya Napa – determined to make the most of the days and see a bit of Sun this time, this approach lasted all of two days before only going out in the day to grab a KFC in an attempt to cure the previous day's hangover! As a result Jamie and Danny thought it would be a good idea to sleep on a sun bed after getting back from River Reggae at 7am one morning in order to try and get a tan, the sun beds had them blue pad things on them also so needless to say waking up two hours later in near 40 degree heat and having to peel themselves off the subbed was probably not a pleasant experience for either them and the early morning pool goers, the rest of the 2 weeks on involved the usual beer and sleep.

Even though there have been countless heavy sessions, Jamie is a bit of a lightweight, he's always the one lagging way behind when in a round and often ends up throwing up so I bet Kate is hoping he takes it steady today! He was even an early starter as first time I saw Jamie drunk must have been when he was about 13, he'd had three cans of Kestrel with his mates, came in and banged his head on the radiator whilst taking his shoes off then disappeared to bed, not without getting up to be sick an hour later though.

A fantastic night in Barnsley five years ago went pear shaped after knocking back the shots when all of a sudden everyone disappears, just about to go and Jamie rings having been throwing up in the walkabout toilets for the past hour, When we got outside he fell over the same bollard five times and had to be carried to a taxi.

I couldn't possibly finish this speech without mentioning the stag do in Prague, 4 days of constant drinking and very little sleep and Jamie didn't throw up once, powered through the 4 days but fair to say we were all destroyed after it and took most of us a week to get over it though! Jamie even had a week off work sick! We got Jamie a Freddy Mercury outfit to see how much he looked like his lookalike on his Facebook profile pic, the resemblance to Freddie was uncanny as this picture here proves!, he was a good sport and wore the outfit all day on the Saturday becoming the main attraction in the main square in the process, then even volunteering to wear it sat night also which happened to last until 7 am Sunday morning.

Nothing beats a hangover cure than going to shoot sniper rifles, magnums and shotguns three hours after getting in from the night before. surprised they let us even hold the guns given the state we were in but nothing was going to stop us over indulging or getting majorly lost on the first night, it took 4 of us over an hour to get back from a club which we later found out was only 5 mins from the appt, anyway, unsurprisingly the one who hadn't been drinking the night before had the steadiest hand and won easily, Jamie and Daniel did give him a good run for his money though.

Just to throw in the final bit of embarrassment in, You may not have noticed but Jamie is a man who takes great pride in his appearance, if you'd seen him last night you'd realise he's keeping just for men in business! In fairness he's living proof that it works and I'll probably be following him this time next year.

Kate has also advised that Jamie can and will take longer to tie a tie than it does for Kate to put her make up on and do her hair. He had two hours at it this morning and was still messing around with it 5 mins before the wedding today so I bet he has kept up that record, to help in the future I have got Jamie another little present!.

It is impossible to summarise the last 31 years I have known Jamie, but I would like to say that over those years, he has been the best anyone could hope for in a brother and the most supportive of friends. I know that Jamie will maintain his high standards and make a great husband to Kate, so it now gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand once more and raise your glasses in a toast for the happy couple Jamie and Kate.