Speech by Philip Lee

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Philip Lee
Speech Date: Sep2006
Thank you Robert

It's a little bit daunting being up here today, I suppose being asked to do a best man speech is a lot like making love to the queen………………it's massive honour but no one wants to do it.

I hope everyone is having great time and has had time for a drink or two, true to form Robert's just told he's now on his 9th bottle of Magners..… And the Barman's just told me they don't even sell it!

What? look at Bob…Don't even get me started on the counting of your golf strokes.

I would like to thank you all for coming to celebrate the marriage of Robert and Lisa here today.

For those of you that don't know me, my name's Phil and as well as being Robert's Best Man, I'm also his slightly older, better looking, more talented and wittier friend.

I would like to thank you Robert for asking me to be your best man today, it really is an honour to be asked and a pleasure to fulfil the role, and for you finally admitting after all these years that I am indeed the best man.

Anyway, I'd like to start traditionally and thank Robert on behalf of Kate, Susan and Emma our beautiful bridesmaids, for his kind words. And can I say what a great job they have done today and how wonderful they look.

My first impression of Lisa was that she was a beautiful, witty, charming, clever, friendly and a thoughtful person… And it just goes to prove that old saying that opposites really do attract.

When it came to finding a wife, I don't think Robert could've been luckier, however it could have all went wrong at an early stage, as you will see in from the first Xmas when Robert and Lisa were together.

Robert wanted to purchase a Christmas gift for Lisa and as they had not been dating very long, he decided a pair of gloves would strike just they right note, romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by Lisa's best friend Kate, he went to Harvey Nichols in Edinburgh and bought a pair of white gloves. Kate purchased a pair of knickers for herself. During the wrapping the lady mixed up the items, Kate got the gloves and Lisa got the knickers. Without checking the contents, Robert sealed the package and sent it to Lisa along with this card, which was opened in front of the whole Godsall family on Christmas day. I have managed to get a hold of the card…………

Dear Lisa

I choose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.

If it had not been for your best friend I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.

These are delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled.

I had her try on yours for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love

Robert

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

Obviously Lisa being Lisa was able to look past this error due to the fantastic person she is and I am sure you will agree she looks stunning today.

Robert just looks…well……..I like your suit!

You can't deny it's been an emotional day though… even the cake's in tiers!

I knew as the best man, that I was going to be fairly busy this morning so last night, I decided to get to work on this speech. Being short of time I wanted to make the process as easy as possible. So where do you begin for ideas?

The obvious place seemed to be the Internet, so with a multitude of resources at my fingertips I dutifully began searching the web.

After a couple of hours searching I found some REALLY good stuff on the net, but.… Then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for Best Man tips!!!

I did actually find loads of ready-prepared speeches on the internet.…

But sadly, none of them were about a couple called Robert and Lisa who live in Berwick….so it looks like it's down to me after all.

As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to SING THE GROOM'S PRAISES and tell you all about his MANY good points. Well, I'm very sorry but I CAN'T SING, and I WON'T LIE

Robert was born on the 3 July 1981. I've tried to link that to some great world event or something, but it seems that not a lot else went on that day. All I could find was an article from the Berwick Advertiser headed “Strange Mole Skinned Child Born To Bowsden Couple”.

Looking at him now you may not believe this, but Robert was not a pretty baby. In fact, he was the only baby in Bowsden to have shutters on his pram!

Lisa has realised that over the years Robert has tried to be a been a bit of a ladies man, entices girls back to his bachelor's pad at any opertunity. As this is now the matrimonial home Lisa would appreciate it if any of them who have keys to the place could please return them

3 GIRLS GET UP TO HAND IN KEYS, THEN AFTER A PAUSE SAY “Any one else? MALE MEMBER OF HOTEL STAFF WALKS UP, WINKS AT ROBERT AND HANDS IN THE KEY.

It just leaves me now as is customary before the toast to offer the bride and groom a few words of worldly advice
Being a young and unmarried man myself, this proved a little bit too difficult for me, so I asked my mum and dad how they managed considering they have over 30 years of wedded bliss.

My Mum's words of advice for Lisa were: A man is like a tiled floor – lay it right first time and you can spend years walking all over it!

And the advice from my Dad to Robert was: The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it…..Just once!

Now, on a more serious note.

There is an old saying – “you don't marry someone because you can live with them, you marry them because you simply cannot live without them”…I feel that this adage is very appropriate for you both. You seem ideal for each other.

Robert you are a wonderful man and have been a fantastic friend to me over the years.

It's been a great honour to do this speech for you!

Lisa you are a wonderful girl, whom I hold very dear to me!

You two will make a magnificent married couple for many years to come and I am very proud to have been a part of your special day and with all my heart I hope you two have a long and happy marrage.

Ladies and Gentleman, I now ask for you to join me in a toast ……..… To the Bride and Groom, Robert and Lisa, Mr. and Mrs. Curle.