Speech by Phillip Wynne

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Phillip Wynne
Speech Date: oct 2004
Good afternoon ladies & gentlemen

Well when Mike asked me to be best man, I was delighted and have enjoyed every minute – up until now.

Must say I wasn't too sure what to talk about today when I settled down to think about this speech, I knew what I shouldn't talk about as Mike had given me a list, but unfortunately I lost it – Sorry Mike!

Can I start by saying that I'm sure you will agree that Mandy looks lovely today! Still Mikes done his best too and he's looking pretty smart himself. In fact he should look pretty comfortable in that suit as he's being wearing it since we picked the suits up yesterday morning. Mikes argument is that he's paid for a weekends hire and he's going to get a weekends hire.

Just a small point – I noticed earlier a number of you taking photos today. I've been asked to point out that Mike & Mandy have sold the rights to the photos, so your discretion would be appreciated.

Personally I didn't know that Farmers Weekly did a “Wedding of the Week” page, but Mike assures me that its very popular on his rounds.

To be honest – I've been asked not to mention Mike's job (hes a Artificial inseminator!), – I don't know why as many of us know that Mike enjoys his job and works hard –

In fact fair play to Mike – he can turn his hand to anything!

A couple of weeks ago we had Mike's stag night – we discovered that Mike's certainly not a very keen dancer. Although I can tell you that he doesn't mind a bit of ballet, lap or table top dancing! –

Only joking – actually Mike can't stand ballet.

By the way, I'd like to confirm that Mike is a very popular guy and I'd like to put a stop to rumours that he's being blocked from the Friends Re-united website.

Anyway going back to the stag do I must confess that things got a little out of hand and Mike was sick down the front of his new shirt. He was really worried that Mandy would be annoyed with him, so Ian over there suggested that Mike put £20.00 in his top pocket and to tell Mandy that some drunk had been sick over him and that the guy had given him £20.00 to have his shirt cleaned.

Ian said it worked every time for him!

Well this worked fine until the following morning when Mandy discovered the shirt. So Mike ran through the routine that the guy had been sick over him and had given him £20.00 for the cleaning bill.

It was Ok until Mandy said “hang on there's £40.00 in this shirt pocket and Mike said that later on that night – the guy had come back and had also wet his trousers.

Anyway Mandy, whatever the reason – thanks for marrying Mike.

As Social services would agree, it's the older ones that are always harder to place.

No, seriously Mandy you're probably a bit worried that Mike didn't come with some sort of instruction manual. Well don't worry he's pretty easy to operate, in fact I have the controls here.

If you do have a problem getting any sense out of him try switching channels. This particular model comes with 10 conversational channels, although 8 of them are sport, one goes on about work and the last ones an adult channel.

He's obviously a relatively new model and shouldn't be confused the model your mother Margaret has – that ones definitely obsolete and now only plays repeats.
Mike, its good to welcome you as Donalds only other son in law. I didn't speak to Donald for almost two years after I married Jane.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't because I didn't like him.… or through lack of trying.

I just thought it was rude to interrupt.
Some Final Advice
Before I get my coat I have a little advice for you Mike.
Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who's boss…and then do everything that Mandy says!!
And never forget to say those 3 little words at least once a day for the rest of your life – “You're right Mandy”
On a serious note I was very proud to be asked to be best man and I'm sure that this will prove to be a long lasting marriage and that Mike & Mandy have a lot to look forward to. So I'd like you all to join me and the bridesmaids in a toast to the bride & groom.